Features
by: -RoG-
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M.U.S.C.L.E.
- Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking
Everywhere. Figures 76 - 100 |
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Sigmund Newton Number: 76 Description: Sigmund was a champion wrestler back in the days of his youth. Now, he's just an old bastard that wears a neck brace and complains about his arthritis. And yes, he has the head of a turtle. |
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Goro Number: 77 Description: Goro, from Mortal Kombat, has returned to the world of M.U.S.C.L.E. and often gets in arguments with his brother, Moro #27, who brags about having 2 more arms. And for some strange reason, Goro has also taken on the look of Buddha. Go figure... |
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The Viking King Number: 78 Description: Majestic. Mighty. Merciless. The Viking King is ready for battle. And after he destroys his opponents, he eats their flesh right off the bone and washes it down with some frothy ale! |
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Harry The Hammer Number: 79 Description: Harry like to hammer his opponents into the ground as if they were nails. Harry also likes to put on hula skirts and belly dance to the song "Livin' La Vida Loca". He's a strange one that Harry guy. |
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Rosie Number: 80 Description: If you've ever seen "The Jetsons" cartoon, then you probably remember Rosie, the robot maid. She was always running all over the place and cleaning up after the Jetsons, but Rosie's got a real mean side to her. So all of you M.U.S.C.L.E. fighters had better watch out. Rosie's on the warpath and she takes no prisoners! |
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Easter Island Eddie Number: 81 Description: Eddie comes from Easter Island. He's got that perfect chiseled look. He also packs quite a punch and eats lots of salami for some unknown reason. Eddie, you so crazy. |
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Crossing Guard Wally Number: 82 Description: Wally really had it rough. He used to be a crossing guard, but he screwed up badly once and an entire school bus of children were killed as a result. He's never forgiven himself for this, so he decided to enter the world of M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestling and let his opponents beat the hell out of him as his punishment. |
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Prune Number: 83 Description: He's shriveled up like a prune and the elderly have a strong attraction to him. In fact, he often has to fight them off as they try to bite into him. Not that it hurts him or anything, but it's still annoying being "gummed" by the elderly all the time. |
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Boa Constricted Rick Number: 84 Description: Rick has a severe problem. He's so busy trying to fight off the boa constrictor that's trying to eat him that he doesn't even have time to fight other M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestlers. Good luck, Rick! |
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MuscleMan - Striped Version Number: 85 Description: Wow, it's MuscleMan (#1) returning with an all new style: STRIPES! So what, now he's a friggin' zebra!? What the hell is up with that? How is looking like a zebra gonna aid him in battle!? |
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Caldor The Stink Machine Number: 86 Description: Not much is known about Caldor. Well, not much except that he's part machine and emits some of the most foul odors on this planet. "Bog of Eternal Stench" eat your heart out! |
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Chopped Charlie Number: 87 Description: Charlie had his head chopped off in the early 1700's for drinking his own bathwater. Drinking your own bathwater was not accepted until the late 1800's. Before that, it was punishable by death. So it was really just bad timing for Charlie. Still, he didn't let having no head stop him. He just grew eyes on his chest and good ol' Charlie kept on truckin'! Now he drinks all the bathwater he desires! |
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Zagnut Number: 88 Description: Zagnut is named after the candy bar, Zagnut. He flies from galaxy to galaxy promoting Zagnut candy bars with every last ounce of energy. He believes that if he becomes the M.U.S.C.L.E. champion, he'll become a much more influential public figure, and therefore able to spread the word of Zagnut candy bars much better. |
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Zippy The Doomed Robot Number: 89 Description: Zippy's tale is a truly sad one. See, Zippy is in love with Rosie (#80), but Rosie is a mean bitch that refuses to return that love. She just uses Zippy and makes him do all sorts of errands for her. And poor Zippy doesn't even realize it. Sadly, when he does finally realize it, it will break his fragile little heart. Poor Zippy. :( |
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The Masked Marauder Number: 90 Description: With a mask like that, he can easily strike fear into the hearts of any M.U.S.C.L.E. fighter. However, there is one simple way to defeat him. He has a big shiny button on his crotch. If one was to press that button, it would activate the built-in "crotchinator" on his suit, thus dropping him to the ground in crotchy agony. |
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Right Said Fred Number: 91 Description: I'm too sexy for your party. I'm too sexy for your hat. I'm too sexy to be a real M.U.S.C.L.E. fighter, which is why I constantly get my ass beat for saying "I'm too sexy" all the time. |
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MuscleMan, The Wizard Master Number: 92 Description: For a brief period of time, MuscleMan (#1) got hooked on role-playing games like "Magic: The Gathering" and "Dungeons & Dragons". During this pathetic period of his life, he decided to dress up like a "Wizard Master" and cast spells on his enemies instead of actually fighting them. Needless to say, he got his ass beat severely until he finally gave up sprinkling fairy dust on his opponents. |
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Terri-Bull - "Come Get Some" version Number: 93 Description: This is Terri-Bull (#2) before he had one of the horns on his head broken off. Obviously, his "come get some" taunt didn't work out so well. Otherwise, he might have gotten to keep that horn on his head intact, along with his integrity. But what can you expect from a "leader" that insists on wearing wrist bands and leg warmers. |
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Chad The Chomper Number: 94 Description: Chad likes to chomp on things with his enormous jaw. Other than that, he's pretty much one hell of a boring and generic M.U.S.C.L.E. fighter. The kind of figure that most kids would melt and torture without thinking twice about it. Actually, that's a good idea! |
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Junkyard Jimmytron 5000 Number: 95 Description: Rumor has it, that this guy was just built from a lot of scrap metal found in a junkyard. Jimmytron isn't really the best fighter in the world, but if you're looking for a fender for a 57 Chevy, you might be able to find it somewhere on him. |
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Conan The Lover Number: 96 Description: You'd think that Conan The Barbarian would still be a fighter. But now he swears by Crom that he's going to make love to every one of his opponents. Hence, he calls himself "Conan The Lover" instead. Then again, making love to his opponents would probably do far more damage to them than his fists ever could. |
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Bat Boy Number: 97 Description: Yes! We've all seen him in the Weekly World News, and now Bat Boy has come to the wonderful world of M.U.S.C.L.E. to sink his batty-assed fangs into his cowardly opponents! GO BAT BOY GO! |
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Mashed Potatoes Number: 98 Description: This guy is pretty generic, but damned if he doesn't love to eat mashed potatoes. He's eaten so many of them that his face has taken on the very look of mashed potatoes. What a nutjob. |
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Bouncy McSquabble Number: 99 Description: Bouncy is one of the most annoying fighters ever. He really can't do any damage to his opponents, but every time someone hits him, he just bounces right back. He just won't go away, which is why every M.U.S.C.L.E. fighter hates him. |
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Crazy Snake Shoulder Guy Number: 100 Description: Oooooooo! Look at me! I'm crazy! I gots me a snake comin' outta my shoulder! Why do I gots me a snake comin' outta my shoulder you ask? Because I'm crazy! I'm Crazy Snake Shoulder Guy! |
There's much more M.U.S.C.L.E. madness to see!
[Click to see Figures 101 - 125]
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Reader Comments
Old Comments
-The vollyball(#99) one fits perfectly into the hand(#153) one, and then you can make the hand one throw the vollyball one
-What's the deal with that hole in the chest of almost every Mr. Blocky? I always imagined it must be like his thermal exhaust port, and if anyone hit it with anything he would self destruct
-The rock guy (#23) fit snugly into the wrestling ring holder. So snugly in fact, that if put in carefully, he could not be defeated, if done carelessly however, you would be having to buy a new wrestling ring (I went through 3 after I discovered this fact)
What I learned from this article:
-Ass plants
-Some M.U.S.C.L.E. things have severe emotional issues.
-Seriously, ass plants
Thanks, RoG. A++