Features
by: -RoG-
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M.U.S.C.L.E.
- Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking
Everywhere. Figures 126 - 150 |
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Grelk Number: 126 Description: "Hi, I'm Grelk! Hey, stop laughing at me! What's so damned funny? My name? Shut up! It's not a funny sounding name! Grelk is a perfectly legitimate name! Shut up!" |
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Mini-Smashor Number: 127 Description: Just like his big brother, Smashor (#53), Mini Smashor likes to shout out things like "MINI-SMASHOR WILL SMASH YOU! SMASH YOU WITH MY SMASHY THINGS I WILL! SMASHY! SMASH!!!" |
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Happy Pudding Number: 128 Description: Why are the faces on this guy's body so happy? Because they love pudding! Happy Pudding doesn't want to fight, he just wants to feed all of his faces some smooth 'n tasty pudding. Yay for big globs of yummy pudding! Bon Appetit! |
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Moro - Arm-Wants-To-Be-A-Leg Version Number: 129 Description: Moro has a sad bottom arm. As you can see in the photo, that arm on the bottom right doesn't want to be an arm. It really wants to be a leg. The story of that arm is a sad one indeed. |
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Donkey Boy Number: 130 Description: He loved playing "Pin The Tail On The Donkey" so much while he was growing up that he decided to keep wearing the blindfold for the remainder of his life. You can imagine how poorly he did when he entered his first M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestling match. |
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Sad Shorty Number: 131 Description: He's short and he's sad. As you can tell by his helmet, he has tried to compensate for his shortness, but this pathetic attempt at making himself look taller just made everybody laugh at him. And that's why they call him "Sad Shorty". |
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Screwball Number: 132 Description: Screwball had his head screwed on. One can only assume that this was necessary because at some point he pissed off the wrong guy and had his head ripped off. So, doctors put a screw straight through his head and screwed it back onto his body. Spiffy! |
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Tough Guy Harrison Number: 133 Description: He's got spiky shoulder pads and a helmet. Wow, what a new concept. Haven't seen that kind of costume a MILLION times already. I hate this guy. |
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Chugger Johnson Number: 134 Description: A football star in high school, a drunkard in college... Chugger Johnson is your average all-American guy. And he's never one to turn down a beer, especially when his friends insult his manhood if he doesn't CHUG it down! "YOU'VE GOT TO CHUUUG!!!" Ha Ha Ha, what a loser. |
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Mr. Bladehands Number: 135 Description: Mr. Bladehands would seem like a tough opponent to go up against, but if you ever met him, you'd find that he really has a pleasant demeanor. He doesn't even like to fight. He uses his blade hands for cooking and pruning hedges, kind of like Edward Scissorhands, just not nearly as cool looking or talented. |
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Warcraft Orc Number: 136 Description: I'm not sure how this guy found his way into the world of M.U.S.C.L.E., but this Orc from the game Warcraft escaped his computer game prison. And these guys were pretty tough in the game, so I imagine he's one to be reckoned with in the ring too. |
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Mr. X Number: 137 Description: Very little is known about Mr. X, but if he's anything like "Brand X", he can't be that good. Cuz if commercials have taught us anything over the past 50 years, it's that Brand X is no good. Therefore, I think it's safe to assume that Mr. X is no good either. |
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Dinky Data Dookie Number: 138 Description: Here's a cheery little fella. Dinky Data Dookie loves it when opponents try to punch him on the chest, because it just makes the keyboard type letters on his face. Then the opponent is distracted by what letters appear on Dinky's face, and that's when they're most vulnerable. Dinky also loves to do "The Dinky Dance", which was a move that Michael Jackson later stole from him and renamed "The Moonwalk". Dinky hates Michael Jackson for that. |
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Captain Caveman Number: 139 Description: "Captain Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaavemaaaaaaaaaan!" Yelling his name loudly is pretty much the only thing this guy is capable of. And if he's not yelling his name, he's yelling about the agonizing pain that his opponents are dishing out to him on a regular basis. |
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Frederick Number: 140 Description: Frederick hates his name. He prefers to be called "Fred", but nobody listens to him. Everybody calls him Frederick because they hate him for being another generic M.U.S.C.L.E. figure. |
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MuscleMan - Crazy Version Number: 141 Description: Here we have MuscleMan (#1) on crack. He's completely lost it and he runs around the ring talking about how he's going to eat eggplant while shaving frog legs. Like I said, he's lost it. |
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Hollow Head - Faker Version Number: 142 Description: Yet another version of Hollow Head (#103), but hey wait! He looks a lot like Mr. X (#137)! I bet it's really Mr. X just trying to trick us into buying his "Brand X" products! Well you don't fool us! |
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Crosby Crossbow Number: 143 Description: Crosby sure is proud of his crossbow. It was given to him when he was a boy. His grandpa gave it to his father. And his father hid it in his ass during the war so that they enemy couldn't take it away when they captured him. And then, many years later, Crosby's father removed the crossbow from his ass and gave it to him. Yep, Crosby sure does love that crossbow of his. |
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Wedgie Number: 144 Description: All Wedgie ever does is complain about how his shorts are too damned tight. Well Wedge, maybe next time you'll try on your shorts in the dressing room instead of just buying any random pair and taking them home! Quit your whining! |
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Tomahawk Tommy Number: 145 Description: Tommy sings his Tomahawk song all day long, "I'm Tommy, Tomahawk Tommy! I'll CHOP CHOP CHOP you down! I'm Tommy, Tomahawk Tommy! I've got the sharpest tomahawks in town!"... needless to say, everybody hates that damned song. |
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Zonko Number: 146 Description: Zonko is the shiznit. We've all seen breakdancers try to dance like a robot... well they were all trying to dance like Zonko. Nobody can dance as good as Zonko... NOBODY. Zonko also uses his strong robotic hands to open tin cans and human skulls. |
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Heartless Hugo Number: 147 Description: Hugo used to be merciful. He would beat his opponents until they cried out mercy. Then he would let them go. But ever since somebody ripped out his heart, he has felt no remorse. Once he defeats an opponent, he doesn't stop there. He continues to beat them for days. It normally takes about 10 other M.U.S.C.L.E. fighters to pull Hugo off of the mangled remains of his opponents. |
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Inflato Number: 148 Description: Yeah, you could say this guy has an "inflated ego". But when it comes down to it, having a balloon for a head isn't really that impressive. Not to mention, Inflato has never won a single match. |
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Screwball - New Hands Version Number: 149 Description: Whoah, looks like Screwball (#132) pissed off the wrong guy again. He already lost his head in the past, and now it appears that somebody tore his hands off. I guess the doctors were out of prosthetic hand replacements, so they just gave him some spikes to fight with instead. When will this guy ever learn? |
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Big Mummy Guy Number: 150 Description: He's Big. He's wrapped up like a Mummy. He's a guy. What the hell, we'll call him Big Mummy Guy! This guy is pretty big and I've heard he uses some of his bandages to strangle his opponents with. Sure it's cheating, but are YOU gonna tell this guy to his face that he can't do that? Be my guest. Nice knowin' ya... |
There's much more M.U.S.C.L.E. madness to see!
[Click to see Figures 151 - 175]
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Reader Comments
Old Comments
-The vollyball(#99) one fits perfectly into the hand(#153) one, and then you can make the hand one throw the vollyball one
-What's the deal with that hole in the chest of almost every Mr. Blocky? I always imagined it must be like his thermal exhaust port, and if anyone hit it with anything he would self destruct
-The rock guy (#23) fit snugly into the wrestling ring holder. So snugly in fact, that if put in carefully, he could not be defeated, if done carelessly however, you would be having to buy a new wrestling ring (I went through 3 after I discovered this fact)
What I learned from this article:
-Ass plants
-Some M.U.S.C.L.E. things have severe emotional issues.
-Seriously, ass plants
Thanks, RoG. A++