Features
by: -RoG-
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M.U.S.C.L.E.
- Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking
Everywhere. Figures 26 - 50 |
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Scrag Mcdoogle Number: 26 Description: It's a good thing this guy is wearing a helmet, because like so many of the other generic M.U.S.C.L.E. figures, he's got nothing else. He deserves the constant beatdowns that he receives. |
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Moro Number: 27 Description: If you ever played Mortal Kombat, you probably remember Goro, the 4-armed guy that surely had halitosis. Well, this here is his brother, Moro. Only difference is Moro has 6 arms and therefore goes through a stick of deodorant much faster than Goro. |
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Sucko Number: 28 Description: Oh no! Not a wrestler with big lips! What ever will the other M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestlers do to stop him? As far as I'm concerned, Sucko can go suck an egg. |
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Lippy Bighands Number: 29 Description: This guy has no lips! Did Sucko (#28) take them to make his own lips bigger!? Or did this guy graft his lips onto his hands, which would explain why they're larger than normal? I'm afraid this is one of the many M.U.S.C.L.E. mysteries we'll never solve. |
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Combinator Number: 30 Description: Fear the wrath of Combinator! They wanted to build a robot, but were all out of robot parts. So, they found a bunch of combination locks, put 'em together, and presto! Instant robot! |
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Mr. Bean Number: 31 Description: I swear, if the real life Mr. Bean bulked up a little bit, he would look exactly like this guy! Unfortunately for him, I don't imagine that Mr. Bean would put up a very good fight. He'd just hide. |
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Porkins Number: 32 Description: Ahh yes, what would a wrestling match be without a Man-Pig hybrid? When a wrestler vanishes from the face of the earth, many look to Porkins... he just might have eaten the poor guy! |
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Ally McBeal Number: 33 Description: Eat some food man! You gotta bulk up if you're gonna get in the ring with the other M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestlers! |
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Metal Man Number: 34 Description: Holy Shit! It's Metal Man from that classic NES game that we all loved, Mega Man 2! Damn, he's bulked up a lot since then too. Mega Man (#14) looks like he'd get his ass beat by this guy. |
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Penis Number: 35 Description: I hate this guy. He looks like a penis. He acts like a penis. He fights like a penis. He IS a penis. |
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Exo-Skeletano Number: 36 Description: For a guy with his bones on the outside of his skin, he sure does seem to have a happy demeanor. Not that it'll do him much good in the ring... |
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Rowdy Roddy Piper Number: 37 Description: I wish he was wearing his kilt, but still, it's quite obvious that this guy is a mad Scottish bastard looking for a wee bit o' fightin' fun. |
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Paddy Number: 38 Description: Paddy doesn't really like to fight, so he wrapped his entire body in foam padding. He doesn't really ever get hurt, but he also doesn't inflict damage on anybody. So basically, all the other M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestlers abuse his pads by using him as a human pillow whenever they feel like taking a nap. Poor, poor Paddy. |
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Mr. Blocky - Unhappy version Number: 39 Description: What's wrong Mr. Blocky? Why are you upset? Don't you know that all of us love you? You've got the world at your blocky fingertips Mr. Blocky, so don't be so glum! Cheer up! |
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Poppy, The Balloon-Headed Freak Number: 40 Description: Poppy is just nuts. He's got a balloon for a head for crissakes, and any wrestler with sharp edges could easily pop it. But Poppy doesn't give 'em the chance, he enjoys over-inflating his head until it bursts. Then he has to buy a replacement head. Nuts... |
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Cletus Jenkins Number: 41 Description: Cletus can't really fight very well at all. However, if you're looking for some high-quality "moonshine", Cletus Jenkins is your man. |
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Bricko McFeebs Number: 42 Description: I think he's somehow related to Mr. Blocky (#3), but he's just not as cool. Also, if you look at his upper body, it kind of looks like it forms the head of one of the Transformers. It's not an optical illusion! I swear I'm not nuts! Just look at it! |
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Marko Polo Number: 43 Description: I'm not sure how this guy expects to put up a fight with his eyes being covered. Can't say that he doesn't have balls though. I'll be sure to mention that on his tombstone. |
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Pinhead Number: 44 Description: Stay away from his head, unless you need a new orifice in your body. Pinhead even hollowed out his chest so he can store more drill bits in it. |
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The Michelin Tire Man Number: 45 Description: Yes! One of the greatest M.U.S.C.L.E. characters ever, The Michelin Tire Man is a force to be reckoned with! Enemies just bounce off of his rubbery exterior while he laughs in their face. You won't find many wrestlers as cool as The Michelin Tire Man. |
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Geekor Number: 46 Description: Geekor looks like he came straight out of a sci-fi / superhero movie. But underneath all of that nifty looking gear, he's just a geek that watches Akira at least once a day. |
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Chubby Buck Number: 47 Description: Chubby Buck is Spud's (#20) overweight father. During his drunken stupors, he would beat Spud repeatedly. Spud then decided to bulk up, so he could return the beatings to Chubby. |
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Mr. Tea Number: 48 Description: I Pity Da Fool who gets in the ring with Mr. Tea! Look at him, just look at him! He's got a teacup for a head and a shirt that says "Tea". He's even giving his head a big "thumbs up". He knows he's the shiznit, and so does any wrestler that dares to fight him. |
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Bull Boy Number: 49 Description: Bull Boy is part wrestler, part bull. Unfortunately for him, all a M.U.S.C.L.E. wrestler has to do is put something red in front of him and Bull Boy will be totally distracted. He's an easy kill. |
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Hawk Man Number: 50 Description: Hawkman is here and he's ready to rumble! And if he can't beat an opponent on his own, he'll call up one of the other Super Friends like Plastic Man or the Green Lantern to help out. |
There's much more M.U.S.C.L.E. madness to see!
[Click to see Figures 51 - 75]
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Reader Comments
Old Comments
-The vollyball(#99) one fits perfectly into the hand(#153) one, and then you can make the hand one throw the vollyball one
-What's the deal with that hole in the chest of almost every Mr. Blocky? I always imagined it must be like his thermal exhaust port, and if anyone hit it with anything he would self destruct
-The rock guy (#23) fit snugly into the wrestling ring holder. So snugly in fact, that if put in carefully, he could not be defeated, if done carelessly however, you would be having to buy a new wrestling ring (I went through 3 after I discovered this fact)
What I learned from this article:
-Ass plants
-Some M.U.S.C.L.E. things have severe emotional issues.
-Seriously, ass plants
Thanks, RoG. A++