Today I have an amazing story to share with all of you. It is the story of what I call "The Nipple Egg". I discovered it in a big bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs just the other day and you can learn all about it in the eBay auction that is now running for it:
Please bid on it if you are able to, as much (if not all) of the proceeds will be going to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital charity! My pals over at Newgrounds have also agreed to match whatever amount I donate to St. Jude's up to $1000! Who ever thought a little candy nipple could potentially help so many children in need? Please spread the word about the Nipple Egg! Tell your friends, tell other web sites about it, call your local news station. Do your part and the Nipple Egg will live on in our hearts forever! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5669122574
So there's this movie called "The Gingerdead Man" that I had been looking forward to seeing for quite a long time. The name alone is a winner and when you add in the fact that it's a tale about a killer (played by Gary Busey no less!) who gets reincarnated in a bakery as a homicidal gingerbread man, you expect nothing less than a horror-comedy masterpiece. And just look at this cover:
Just look at that, it's beautiful! They even used the free "Godzilla" font for the box art for chrissakes. Gary Busey. Killer gingerbread man. Cheap fonts. How could this anything but entertaining!? Seriously folks, I was expecting the next Jack Frost movie here. Instead, I'm extremely sorry to report that it's one of the most uneventful movies I've seen in quite a long time.
First off, the ENTIRE movie takes place inside of the bakery where Busey the psychopath is brought back to life as a homicidal gingerbread man after his ashes are mixed in with some cookie dough and blood (don't ask). When he comes to life (about a HALF HOUR into the movie which is ONLY 60 minutes long!!), he's as small as a regular gingerbread man cookie. He then starts eating a bunch of the other baked goods, so naturally I assumed he would grow bigger and become a giant raging cookie. But no, he doesn't, he stays the same size and instead makes a few bad jokes here 'n there. It comes off like "Child's Play" without any of the good one-liners or budget to back it up.
Second, I'd say about 90% of the movie is spent on character development. It's a movie about a fucking homicidal cookie, you don't need character development! When people rent a movie called the Gingerdead Man, they are expecting to see some damned amusing kills, and it's the job of the moviemakers to make 'em happen. The only thing they made me do is wish I rented "The 'Burbs" for the 500th time in my life instead. (shut up, it's a fucking great movie and if you don't agree, leave this web site right now)
In the end, the movie is only 60 minutes long, yet it feels like an eternity due to the fact that nothing really happens. The death scenes aren't even worth mentioning, you quickly grow tired of seeing the same two rooms of the goddamned bakery (couldn't they have at least tried shooting some of the film in a friend's house for a change of scenery? I expected a little more from the same guy who directed "Trancers".), and not even Gary Busey's crazy ass will make you crack a smile upon viewing any of it. It had all the promise of the next great horror-comedy, but it failed on every level, so do yourself a favor and skip this one. Not that I need to tell you to do that. I'm probably one of the only guys in the country who gives a shit about renting a movie starring a killer cookie.
So have any of you actually seen this disaster of a film? If so, what'd you think. If not, name another horror movie you were really looking forward to that was a big let-down.
Late last week, I went on a trip to Los Angeles for a long weekend to see what it was like. I was really surprised by what I found. But rather than tell you about it here in the I-Mockery blog with only a few photos, I've put together a large 3-page photo gallery of my entire trip. Take a look and lemme know whatcha think!
Also, on a sidenote, I've started writing for CRACKED magazine, which is really cool since I grew up reading it along with MAD. Don't worry, I'm not stopping I-Mockery, I'm just doing material for CRACKED on the side just like I did for National Lampoon. So you can expect to see some of my work on their site every now 'n then. My first piece for them is now up and you can check it out HERE.
Now I'm no professional photographer by any stretch, but every now and then I'll take a photo that I think is pretty damned cool. I was looking through some old photos this morning when I stumbled upon this one again:
I don't know why, but I simply love this photograph. Aside from how well it came out, there's something utterly hilarious about how distressed the Hulk looks about having lost his body.
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