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Cocoa Krispies Cereal Straws, 7-Eleven Hot Dog Lighters and a Zombie Walk!

We're finally getting settled into our new place here in West Hollywood and I'm catching up on a bajillion emails at the moment... not to mention unpacking tons o' boxes too. I'm already liking it here much more, so all is going well with that business. But today I have other business to discuss with you... the business of straws.

Cereal Straws... they're strAWESOME!

Not too long ago, breakfast food companies decided that eating a bowl of cereal was too time consuming for the average joe with a busy schedule. As a result, you now have all sorts of "on-the-go" breakfast options such as cereal bars, pop tarts and more. New to the speedy breakfast club are Kellogg's Cereal Straws. Simply dip 'em in a carton of milk, take a sip and then chow down on your straw. So far I've seen Froot Loops and Cocoa Krispies flavored straws... I chose to try out the later.

Hey! Who put out their cigar in my milk!?
"At home or on-the-go, they're strAWESOME!"

In all honesty, they're not bad at all, but I almost prefer eating them dry as they tend to get soggy real fast. On top of that, sipping the milk up through the straws is weird because they're way thicker than regular straws and obviously more porous. Imagine drinking milk through a cigar (minus the tobacco flavor) and that's pretty much what it feels like. I can't help but think that they're gonna fall apart on me while I'm taking a sip and all of a sudden there will be milk all over the place. Fortunately, the straws are lined on the inside with an extra layer of chocolate, so I guess that helps prevent the milk from seeping through. I was also hoping that the milk would taste like chocolate milk when drinking it through the straw, but it was just like regular ol' milk. The serving size is 3 straws, but that's nowhere near as filling as a bowl of cereal if you ask me. So yeah, while it's definitely something you should try out at least once, it's not a breakfast replacement by any means. At the very least, they do serve as a pretty good snack.

So what cereal brands would you like to see in straw format? I could see Frosted Flakes possibly being good, but I doubt any of the marshmallow cereals would ever work as straws... unless they somehow lined the straw innards with marshmallows? Mmmm, Boo Berry straws.

In other food related news, while it was sad watching the Kwik-E-Mart signs return to their former 7-Eleven selves, I do have some other good news from everybody's favorite convenience store. Feast your eyes on this:

Take a Big Bite out of this spicy number and you'll need a burn unit to treat your tongue.

Yes my friends, your eyes do not deceive you... 7-Eleven is now selling hot dog shaped lighters to help promote their "Big Bite" dogs. I've you've ever wanted the joy of possessing a flaming wiener without the agony of contracting a STD, then this the item for you! Simply pull down on one side of the bun while pushing up on the other and a mighty flame will burst from the tip of your hot dog. I don't even smoke but I had to buy this thing... it's easily the best lighter I've seen in ages. And yes, it is refillable, so no need to worry about it becoming useless once the lighter fluid runs out. Tell me the flaming wiener doesn't absolutely rule.

Last but not least, I've been asked to organize a Zombie Walk here in Los Angeles next week, so if you live in the area, drop me an email if you'd like to be a part of it! But it's not a normal walk, this one is gonna be on an episode of CSI: NY! I'll share more details on it later, but to say the least, this is gonna be one hell of a cool way to kick off I-Mockery's 2007 Halloween season! Hope you guys are ready for 2 full months of monster mocking madness, because you won't find any other place on the web that completely immerses itself in all things Halloween quite like we do! As always, if you guys have some Halloweeny stuff you'd like us to cover this season, just drop me an email and I'll keep it in mind.


Onward to West Hollywood we go! Plus, Circus Liquor!

So our move to West Hollywood is finally coming up this Thursday and I can't wait to be done with it. As nice as it's going to be living in this new place, if I have to pack up another cardboard box with stuff I haven't seen in the past year, my head just might explode. Then again, they say you if you haven't seen something in over a year, you don't need to hang on to it any more. Well guess what... "they" don't know what they're talking about because "they" aren't pack rats who eventually find uses for stuff they've been holding onto for years like I do.

Speaking of boxes, since we needed so many, we decided there was only one place we could go: Box City!

Where do you go for all your box needs? BOX CITY!

Much like Spatula City in Weird Al's "UHF", this place sells only one thing: boxes. Lots and lots of boxes. Their claim to fame is that you can get "Over 2000 Sizes" of boxes. I can't say I saw quite that many varieties there, but when you're boasting big numbers like that, you generally don't worry about whether anybody else is keeping count. Who's to question whether McDonald's has really sold over 20 billion burgers? We just have to take their word for it. Regardless, Box City definitely had a lot o' moving boxes to choose from and they were far cheaper than the ones for sale at the UPS store or the local grocery store.

Along with packing up the house, there is the inevitable "shit we simply must get rid of" phase. Most of it is stuff that isn't hard to let go of... outdated computer parts from years ago that I still have for some reason, expired "mystery foods" wrapped in tinfoil, dead batteries, t-shirts with dozens of holes in them, etc. etc. Still, there are some larger things going this time. The refrigerator we no longer need because the new place comes with one. I'm not gonna miss it really, it's just a fridge after all, but that's still one more thing I need to take care of before we're done moving out. The thing that is gonna be hard to let go of is our couch:

THE Couch. It will swallow your soul and ask for second servings.

Also known as "THE Couch" amongst our friends, it's a couch that I've had forever and as a result it's insanely broken in. Probably moreso than any other couch in existence. People don't sit on this couch... they sink into this couch. It doesn't just swallow their loose change, it swallows their bodies. I've always thought it was comfortable as hell as do many others, but there are some friends o' mine (especially Protoclown) who hate it with a passion because they find it difficult to get out of. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of my friends who I lost touch with years ago are actually stuck somewhere in the depths of this couch.

Whatever the case, it's really old 'n dirty with broken shards of wood sticking out the back, so even I have to admit that it's time for a new one. Fortunately, we found a badass couch for the new apartment that will be delivered in a few weeks. It's extremely comfortable and we got to choose the color of the fabric too. We went with "GUACAMOLE!" I think it's gonna look great, and if nothing else, it sounds a hell of a lot better than some of the other names such as "CELERY", "FIG", "SEA BREEZE" and "FRECKLE RAVEN". I'll post some pics of the new couch when it arrives, along with pics of our new place once we have it all set up. But before that, I must say goodbye to THE Couch...

Goodbye old friend. You've been with us for many years, surviving countless moves and all the abuse our collective asses could deliver. You've been a place that was often more comfortable to sleep on than most beds. You've left people gaping in awe over your ridiculous level of cushiness. Most importantly, you never gave out on us. Goodbye old friend, you've earned your rest. Enjoy your retirement up in couch heaven.

On a final note, I have to tell you all about a fantastic place we stopped by the other week: Circus Liquor!


I may not drink, but I can still appreciate an insanely awesome liquor store sign when I see one. And honestly, nothing tops this place. Not only do they have an extremely sinister looking clown promoting their liquor, but the inside is a hell of a sight too. Sure, there's plenty of booze in the store, but they also have giant strips of beef jerky that appear to have tire treads on them. They have a generous supply of porn and make no effort to cover it up. They even had cans of "Cocaine" energy drink, which as you may or may not know, was pulled from store shelves as a result of the FDA's decision that the drink was "illegally marketing their drink as an alternative to street drugs". People can't even sell full cans of the stuff on eBay anymore, only empty ones. That's right people of the U.S.A., you can't name your products anything you want. Take that, freedom of speech! Still, Circus Liquor and their evil clown are more than happy to give the finger to the FDA along with anybody else who would dare tell them how to run their liquor store.

In the end, I left the shop with a big smile on my face. I skipped the booze, beef jerky and porn, but purchased a bright green Circus Liquor clown t-shirt and some cans of Cocaine energy drink. Thank you, Circus Liquor clown... thank you. My life is now one step closer to being complete.

Survey: Name something that you had a hard time getting rid of and why it was so hard to let go.

Survey #2: What are some other establishments and/or products that use creepy looking clowns in their logo?


Where art thou, I-Mockery?

Ahoy there.

Sorry there haven't been any updates to I-Mockery over the past week, between the 2007 San Diego Comic-Con and Protoclown visiting me here in L.A., I've been far too busy to update the site. Re and I are also moving into a new place this month, so that's also keeping me preoccupied a' plenty.

That being said, I'm working on putting together my annual photo gallery from this year's Comic-Con. We took 800 some odd photos, and I'm sure a lot of them will make it onto the site, so once again, you can expect us to have the biggest coverage of the convention anywhere online. It's just gonna be a lil' bit late this time around.

I'll have plenty more news to share in the near future, but I've got a ton of emails to catch up on and even more photos to weed through, so I gotta get back to work now. So until that big Comic-Con piece is ready, let's have another discussion in the ol' blog...

Survey: What have you been doing for fun this summer? Gone on any spiffy trips? Seen any good shows? Flagged down the ice cream truck driver only to be crushed by disappointment when he informed you that he was out of bomb pops? Spill da' beans!

Update: I almost forgot to mention that The Monster Squad has finally come out on DVD! If you don't know what this movie is about, make sure you read my big feature on it and I'm sure you'll want to own a copy of it immediately.

Wolfman's Got Nards!