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In Which I Reveal My Failed Pornographers Past

A 'Brand Max Burbank' Comic

Gentle reader, a confession.

A few years ago, for about eight months, I drew a comic strip for Hustler magazine. It was called ‘Angry Darcy’ and featured a caustic young woman talking about things and people that made her mad. At no time did she remove her clothes, frolic in a garage with another woman and/or man dressed as an auto mechanic or insert a single foreign object into any part of her body. This could explain why I was eventually fired, but management never asked me to make the comic any dirtier. In fact they didn’t ask me much at all. Editorial feedback was limited. They asked that all words be of a uniform font and size. In my original submission, font size varied according to how loudly or quietly Darcy was speaking. Once they asked that I remove a joke they either didn’t think their readers would get or didn’t find funny. (more...)



Back In Town, Plus A Few Odd Phenomenons I Experienced In My Recent Travels.

Where's Waldo?

We're back from our trip to San Francisco and Re's art show went really well. Despite San Fran being in a rain-until-you're-underwater constant state of weather while we were there, there was a huge turnout at the show with people lined up around the building and there was barely even room to walk around in the place. I also mentioned that, in addition to the artwork, there would be a few breakdancing crews performing that night. Sure enough, they were tearin' up the floor, and as entertaining as the skilled dancers were, it simply couldn't compare to the audience members who set up their own breakdancing circle later on in the evening. Nothing like watching a completely plastered lanky dude stumbling around in the middle of the dance floor while grabbing his nipples at random intervals. Maybe it wasn't breakdancing... maybe it was his own form of a raindance, and if so, it was clearly working. (more...)



In Which my ‘Temperament’ is ‘Analyzed’

Who you lookin' at?

Gentle reader, it’s possible you have noticed something of an ‘edge’ in my writing recently. I’d like to assure you it has nothing to do with you, but we can’t always do what we like, if ever. Honestly, it has very little to do with the real you, whom I know nothing of. It’s more based on an educated guess about what a person who regularly reads my work with some pleasure would be like, which is to say, not very pleasant. In addition, I suffered a rather epic careen down the stairs this Christmas eve, accompanied by a vacuum cleaner I had been carrying at the time. The resulting insult to my physical person has been characterized by what my medical team calls ‘a nasty sprain’. I can only hope the lawsuit I am preparing for them is so blisteringly appalling that they are reduced to tiny piles of ash when further consultations reveal the actual source of my continuing agony: Ankle Cancer. (more...)



The Joker is Dead.

Why so serious?

I'm sure most of you have heard by now about how Heath Ledger died this week. I hadn't seen very many of his movies at all, but I was really looking forward to his performance as the Joker in the upcoming The Dark Knight. The trailers look promising, and as a huge Batman fan I'm curious to see how this take on the character will turn out. It could be a tremendous pile of poo, but I can't wait to find out.

And of course, I can and still will do that. But this puts a major monkeywrench in that film franchise, as rumor has it the Joker is supposed to be in the third movie as well, and in it he's supposed to do something kind of important (I won't say what for those of you who care about spoilers but I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about). So now the question is, will they write out the Joker's role in that third film or will they have someone else play the part? I can't see how either one of those wouldn't suck, at least from a standpoint of consistency. And say they got someone awesome like Crispin Glover to play the Joker--he doesn't really look like Heath Ledger so that would be end up being retarded.

I remember when The Crow came out and the death of Brandon Lee pretty much cast a huge shadow over that movie that it could never get out from under (not that it should have--and hey, isn't it kind of weird that the last film either of these guys did was a comic book movie where they wear eerily similar clown makeup?). What should've been a fun and awesome comic book movie this summer will now be kind of depressing and will always bear the mark of being Heath Ledger's last completed movie (unless he's further along in the upcoming Terry Gilliam film than I think).

At least (odds are) he went out on a high note as far as last films go. Just look at poor Raul Julia.



San Francisco-A-Go-Go!

'Nesting' by Marie Barr

So we're headed up to San Francisco this week because Re is in a group art show up there sponsored by Juxtapoz and we both wanted to attend it and get out of town for a few days. You know me, I'll take any opportunity to travel. Her sister is coming out for the show too, so we'll have some extra company for the long drive up which is always spiffy in my book. For those of you who live in San Fran, her show is going to be this Friday, January 25th at the 111 Minna Gallery from 9pm - 10:30pm, and then there will be an after party from 11pm - 2am. If you live within driving distance, be sure to stop by to say hey and check out all o' Re's artwork along with the other artists that will be on display!

Did I mention they're gonna have not one but two breakdancing crews performing? (more...)



Sexy Email Time.

oh baby

My work email server keeps getting bombarded with spam emails about how I can enlarge my cock or give myself more stamina in the sack, and nearly every morning I have a new email waiting for me with a list of items that have been filtered out. Since some of these names are just classic, I've decided to share them here: (more...)


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