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The snot demons have invaded my brain

I have a head cold at the moment. Nothing more annoying than getting one because, while the rest of my body feels perfectly fine, my head feels like flowing with a river of snot. I've taken some cold medicine that'll surely knock me out for a while and when I wake up, it had better be gone so I can get some work done.

Voodoo - the cure for the common cold!

In case over-the-counter medicines aren't enough, pretend you're all voodoo priests/priestesses and prescribe me some kind of strange voodoo cocktail that will cure me instantly. Anything goes, just include all of the ingredients in your list.




The “new” Michael Myers

In case you haven't seen it yet, here's a picture of the Michael Myers from Rob Zombie's upcoming "Halloween" movie:

I like mud wrestling, killing, and long walks on the beach

Other than some extra dirt and grime, not much has changed.

While I'm no fan of any of the recent Halloween installations, I'm honestly not sure what to think about this. On one hand, the series definitely needs a fresh start, but at the same time I don't know if a retelling of the original story is where to go. If it were me filming the movie, I'd probably just pick things up off where part 4 or 5 left off... pretending that the later ones never even happened. I mean really, Bustah Rhymes in a Halloween movie where they spend a night in Myers' home for a spooky web broadcast? That's something I wouldn't mind erasing from my memory. Plus, I'm not sold on Rob Zombie either. I thought his first film "House of 1000 Corpses" was weak as hell. "The Devil's Rejects", however, was a big improvement and entertained me throughout most of the film. So there's hope for the guy, sure... but to hand over the reins of one of the greatest horror movies ever created to him? I think that could prove to be a big mistake.

And then there's this...

Can I have a juice box when I'm done trying to look scary?

Meet "young" Michael Myers. Sorry, but he looks about as scary as Macaulay Culkin in "The Good Son" there... trying way too hard. Looks more like a kid who should be in the youngest Swedish death metal band on earth, not a young Michael Myers. And how does he go from a young kid with long blonde hair to a grown man with shorter, brown hair? Before going on a murderous rampage, did myers buy some "Just For Men" hair dye and go to town with it? Also, I tend to not like prequels. I don't need to know more about Michael Myers as a child. What was provided in the first film was just the right amount. Dr. Loomis said it best: "I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the *devil's* eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil!"

Perfection. You don't need anything more than that. I'm definitely going to give the movie a chance, but from what I've heard and seen so far, I'm not going to get my hopes up either. And for those of you who say "Well, it can't be worse than Halloween III", screw you, I like that movie. Silver Shamrock!

So what do you guys think? Is this new Halloween movie going to bomb or will it finally bring the Halloween series back to where it needs to be?

UPDATE: Now that the movie is out and I've seen it, you can read my full review of it here.


Mii, Wii and the Agonii of Defiit

I'm sure you've read my travel tales of woe from last week by now. If you haven't, check it out so you can feel better about your traveling experiences. Now, while the traveling itself was about as fun as having King Kong administer a colonoscopy, hanging out with everybody in Richmond was real nice. It also marked the first time that we got to really sit down and play the Nintendo Wii. Sure, we were at the big Wii launch party here in L.A., but with so many people there, we didn't get to play any of the games for long enough. That all changed in Richmond, cuz Proto and his roommates have a Wii with four controllers.

The two games we played were "Rampage: Total Destruction" and "Wii Sports". Rampage was actually a game I brought along with me cuz a generous I-Mockery viewer got it for me off o' my Wish List (thanks again Chris!). The game is actually a lot of fun, especially with four people playing at once, and there are some damned cool characters in it. I wouldn't recommend playing it without the nunchuck controller though cuz it's too hard to control your monsters without it. It's also got the original Rampage and "Rampage: World Tour" games included, so it should easily satiate all your rabid smashing needs.

Wii Sports was both a lot of fun and frustrating depending on what games I played. Tennis was easily my favorite of the bunch since it seemed to respond exactly like it should and it also resulted in plenty of shouting. Good times, good times. Bowling was alright, but I definitely need more practice with that one. My official "I suck" game would have to be boxing. Man, I could barely get my guy to even throw a punch. I was just a big wobbling target. Proto knocked my ass out in about 20 seconds. 20 SECONDS! Granted he's had more practice at the game, but come on... I should be able to last longer than that. Here's basically how it went, no matter who I fought:

This is the exact speed we played at.


Oh well. I may have sucked at Wii Sports boxing and been knocked out faster than anyone in history, but they can't take one thing away from me...

Look! It's Mii!

My "Mii" character rules. Especially since I had to use a beauty mark to make the mouth.

Survey: Since there aren't a whole lot of things you can do to customize your "Mii" character, what customization options should Nintendo add to the Wii system in the future? More hats? Weapons? Capes? Let's hear your ideas!

p.s.: you guys rule for sharing your immense knowledge of Butterscotch. We'll have to start having more discussions like that on here from now on.


Back in town…

Hey all, I'm back in town from visiting the East coast. I'm busy catching up on lots o' stuff at the moment such as fixing things that broke while I was away (like the blog) and going through all my emails. Will have more funtastic updates for you soon enough though.

In the meantime, allow me to provide you all with a topic for discussion:

Butterscotch. Share your thoughts on butterscotch. I want to hear it all.... historical facts, how it has changed society as a whole, why caramel has declared war on it, how it may have caused the extinction of dinosaurs, the works.



Busy times and Valentine crimes

Sorry for the lack o' updates to the ol' I-Mockery blog as of late, I've just been working on too many projects at once (as usual). First and foremost, I'm happy to report that getting our message forum converted to the new software while still saving all the posts and user accounts, went over really well. I've also been working nonstop on a lot of site redesign stuff so that we'll be able to support all the nifty new features that are coming to I-Mockery in the not too distant future. At the very least, in addition to all of the new features, the site's gonna look a hell of a lot better and I'm pretty excited to unveil it to all of you.

So this week I'm headed back to the East coast cuz my buddy Lucas is getting married. Some of you longtime mockers might remember him from some of the old A.L.E. comedy tunes we did together back in the day. Yep, well somehow he found a girl nice (read "crazy") enough to marry him. Since he's getting married in Arlington, Re and I decided to hangout with friends and family in Richmond for a few days before the wedding. It'll be nice to see everybody again and eat at some of our old favorite restaurants 'n what not. After the wedding, if time permits, we're also gonna head up to Philly to see some friends there too. Should be a nice little break away from the computer.

In other news, Valentine's Day is right around the corner and something strange is going on in stores. Re and I have both noticed a disturbing amount of Valentine gifts this year that involve one of two things: Fish or NASCAR. Can somebody explain the logic behind this insane new trend, because I sure can't. Do guys actually think the ladies are gonna melt like butter in their arms upon receiving a a box of chocolates with a NASCAR driver's photo on it or a chocolate bass fish? I mean look at this shit...

Too bad, if you give this to her, she won't think of you as a keeper

A chocolate "You're a keeper" fish with bass fishing trivia on the back? Wow. Try to hold yourselves back, ladies! Don't let the pure ecstasy that comes with receiving a chocolate bass cloud your thoughts. Trust me, it's not a romantic gift.

Bill Elliot? Sooooooo dreamy!

You got me a Bill Elliot NASCAR box of chocolates? TAKE ME! I'M YOURS!

I even saw a roll of toilet paper with "be mine" hearts printed on it selling for 3 bux last night. "Hi honey! Here's something for you to wipe your ass with! Happy Valentine's Day!" Brilliant. Don't worry though, on Tuesday we'll have a new batch of Valentine's Day cards for you this year that will drive your insignificant others wild (with rage). Until then, you can always check out our cards from 2006 instead. Just keep away from the fish and NASCAR stuff, ok? But hey, it's not ALL bad on Valentine's Day. Check out some of these nifty new treats:

Biggest Reese's peanut butter cup ever?
Nerds and Heart Breakers, awwww

A giant friggin' Reese's "Create a Heart", Nerds Valentine Ropes and Everlasting Heart Breakers! Not too shabby, eh? Out of these 3 treats, I gotta go with the Reese's simply because it's pretty much the biggest Reese's peanut butter cup I've ever had. This is definitely NOT a "eat it all in one sitting" kind of treat, unless you're some kind of insane choco-peanut butter glutton fiend. FIEND!

Is that a soda bottle in your boxers or are you just happy to see me?

Jones Soda's Valentine Pack has also made a return but there's not much to review from it since it's basically the exact same stuff as last year. The only difference is that this year's pack comes with some boxers, generic candy hearts (instead of the extremely good Jones brand lip balm) and a "spin-the-bottle" game on the back of the box. No word on whether some of the packs will come with thongs or not. Well anyway, if you're interested in the Valentine pack, you can still check out our review of it from last year. It's definitely worth picking up a pack for no other reason than trying the "love potion" soda. Tasty stuff!

He's happy as long as Gloomy Bear doesn't attack him

Unrelated to Valentine's Day, I just got my hands on the latest limited edition Kubrick figure... Boo Berry! I saw a prototype of this one at the 2006 Comic-Con and had been waiting for it to finally come out. There was a transparent one at the Comic-Con too and I'm hoping they release it soon. There's not much Boo Berry merchandise out there, but whenever something new comes out, I always jump at the chance to pick it up and I suggest you do the same.

On a final note, don't forget that we've got TWO contests going on right now. The first one is the Gymkata contest in which you must put one of the flag ninjas from the movie into another random situation involving flags. The next one is the Wacko-Saurs contest in which you must create your own version of one of those hilariously awful dinosaur cards from 1987. Make sure you all participate in both of these contests. They're easy to enter, and even if you don't win, your entries will be seen by all. And when I say "all" I'm of course speaking of the entire planet. Are you really going to pass up a chance like that? Well are you, punk?

survey: What are some of the stupidest Valentine's Day gifts you've seen in stores this year?

survey #2: What are you doing for Valentine's Day this year?