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FlavorProtect? I call bullshit! Also: the Indian Butter Trick!

So I was making a batch of Pasta Roni the other day when I was reminded of something I had meant to discuss on here a while ago. See, one of the ingredients for Pasta Roni is butter, and on the back of my Land O'Lakes butter box I saw this notice:

I call bullshit!

A while back I had seen a commercial promoting this so-called "FlavorProtect" wrapper as a big selling point. For chrissakes, it's just a wrapper! It's the same kind of wrapper that all sticks of butter come packaged in! So yes, I am calling bullshit on their FlavorProtect wrapper. What exactly is it about the Land O'Lakes wrapper that makes it "protect" the butter flavor far more than other butter wrappers? Do they have some sort of ├╝ber-secret wrapping technology or did they simply steal these preservation methods from the Egyptian mummification process? We may never find out the truth.

Well anyway, since we're on the topic of Land O'Lakes butter, this is probably as good a time as any for me to share the infamous Indian Butter Trick with you. Now I'm sure that many of you have heard of this old trick, but for the uninitiated, allow me to explain...

Screw the Pilgrims, for I have butter!

The idea behind this trick is to take the Land O'Lakes Indian lady and make it so you can lift up her box of butter to reveal a "surprise" behind it. In order to do this trick, you'll need one box of Land O'Lakes butter. Each box has two sides that feature the full logo, and you'll need to keep both of them. Cut each of these sides apart from the rest of the box and throw the remnants away (optional task: burn the "FlavorProtect" side in effigy). Now with one of the two logo sides, you'll want to use an X-Acto knife and cut along the bottom, left and right edges of the box of butter that she's holding in the picture. You do this so that you can lift up the box as if it's on a hinge. Make sure you don't cut the top edge though, otherwise, you'll just ruin the project completely. Next, you'll want to take the other box side that you cut out and remove the knees from the picture. Now all you have to do is attach the knees to the back of the other box side where you originally cut out the three sides of the butter box. So what's the result of all this crafty work?

Does the FlavorProtect Wrapper protect those too?

You have an Indian woman who unveils her boobs when you lift up the butter box flap. Yep, it's one of those tricks that somebody with waaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands came up with, but hey, at least they contributed something to society, right? Right.

The feel good book of the year!

In other news, one of my old favorite lyricists, John S. Hall, has just put out a new book. Some of you may remember him from the band King Missile and the song "Detachable Penis" that was a big hit on radio stations for a while. I still maintain they have FAR greater songs than that one though, "Ed" being my favorite, and Hall has also done some excellent spoken word material. His new book is called "Daily Negations" and the title pretty much sums it up. It's a satirical collection of negative thoughts - one for each day of the year. For example: "July 11: Today I will not let occasional lapses of beauty or goodness stand in the way of my having a bad day." If you ask me, it's the "feel good" book of the year. Pick it up, and while you're at it, get some King Missile CDs too.

On a final note, I'm happy to announced that Season 2 of the Upright Citizens Brigade is finally coming out this fall. You might recall that I-Mockery played a large part in getting the first season of UCB released on DVD, so it's really great to see that the second season is finally coming out. Finally, you'll have a chance to learn about the glorious Spaghetti Jesus or the dangers of Supercool.

Survey: Ok now 'fess up perverts, how many of you have tried (or plan on trying) the Land O'Lakes Indian Butter Trick?

Blog Contest: Post one of your own daily negations (ie: the opposite of a "daily affirmation" if you will). Whoever posts the most amusing one will receive a free copy of John S. Hall's new "Daily Negations" book. This contest ends Friday, April 6, 2007. One entry per person, please.

P.S.: We'll be at the Cannibal Flower group show for a little while tomorrow night (Saturday) at Infusion Gallery in Los Angeles. Re has a piece that's gonna be in there. So for any of you L.A. mockers, be sure to stop by and check it out!


I finally got a Wii!

Managed to score a Nintendo Wii system of my own the other day and I'm loving it. Naturally, this means I need to share my Wii Friend Code with all of you who have Wii systems of your own, so here ya go! Make sure you post your codes in this thread too!

3127 6060 7013 2494 is WAY better than 867-5309

Survey: What are your favorite Wii games and your favorite games on the Virtual Console so far? Recommend some stuff for me to try out!


Ok you Irish bastards…

Let's hear your favorite St. Patty's Day recipes for GREEN drinks and foods.

Are you a Leprechaun or a Leprechaun't?


Do you like a little MEAT with your ACTION?

After reading my latest "Stupid Toys" article, I-Mockery reader Destin Berthelot was nice enough to write in with a suggestion for another toy that I should include in my next installment of the series. While I'm always more than happy to listen to suggestions for any of the articles I write, I don't necessarily always agree with them. This is a perfect example of that... BEHOLD!

I'm so hungry, I could punch a frozen cow!

Your eyes do not deceive you, there is now an action figure for "The Meat" from the Rocky films. That's right, the lifeless slab of frozen meat that Rocky pummeled during his training has joined the ranks of action figures. This is far from stupid. In fact, this is fucking fantastic. A frozen slab of meat toy and they throw in a bloody smock for good measure? I wasn't even that impressed with the current line of Rocky figures (many of the faces just didn't look right), but my friends, I can guarantee you one thing: "The Meat" figure will soon be part of my collection. We need more action figures for completely random things like the meat! Personally, I'd like to see action figures for Rocky's two turtles, Cuff and Link. What other "action figures" would you guys like to see released?

Go Kevin Keene! Show Mother Brain who's boss with your Nintendo Zapper!

In DVD news, while I'm still eagerly awaiting the release of "Twin Peaks: Season 2" next month, I'm happy to report that they've finally released "Captain N: The Game Master" entire series on DVD! Actually, it's not the "entire" series, it's more like the first two seasons (there were 34 episodes total, but this set has 26... still pretty damned good). They couldn't include the rest of the episodes due to legal reasons, which is understandable, but why they would call it "the complete series" on the DVD set is beyond me. To those of you who don't know much about this show, it was basically every NES fanboy's dream back in the day. Well, that and "The Wizard" of course. Anyway, it was a cartoon in which a teenager is brought into the world of Videoland to help some of your favorite video game characters fight off the bad guys (led by Mother Brain from Metroid). It was a fun cartoon and it had all sorts o' characters found in the games including King Hippo, Kid Icarus, Eggplant Wizard, Dr. Wily, Ganon, Donkey Kong and more.

In celebration of the release of Captain N, I'm holding a contest in the I-Mockery forums where YOU get to become Captain N by inserting a picture of yourself into any video game you like. All you gotta do is take a photograph of yourself and then put it into a screenshot of your favorite video game in an attempt to make it look like you're interacting with what's happening on the screen. I've included a sample of myself inserted into the classic "Defender" game so you guys can see exactly what I mean.

The winner of this contest will receive a brand-spankin' new copy of "Captain N: The Game Master" on DVD! All the rules and details for this contest have been posted in the official thread, so be sure to check it out and then get your entries turned in before the deadline (April 15th). Good luck all!


Waffles or Pancakes?

My fellow mockers, I come to you today with another discussion topic that is of vital importance. It's a question with an answer that is long overdue...


So what's it gonna be? Waffles or Pancakes? Make sure you back up your choice with supporting evidence... and syrup. Lots and lots of syrup.

In other news, some of you might like to know that I recently put up some archives of my work for National Lampoon. When they redesigned their site a while back, they apparently lost a lot of their old article archives that myself and a variety of other good writers (including Max Burbank and Jay Pinkerton) did. Well, fortunately I saved backups of most of my Lampoon pieces minus an image or two, and they're now up on I-Mockery. You can check them out here:

Some of you probably never even saw those pieces, so you can pretend that it's a batch of brand new I-Mockery articles. Joy of joys!

I also wanted to mention that, the results from the Gymkata "flag ninja" contest have been posted, so be sure to check 'em out! Thanks to those of you who participated... we'll have more contests coming soon!

Anyway, let the Waffles vs. Pancakes discussion commence!


L.A. Mockers - I’ll be at “The Hive” Saturday night!

For any of you mockers that live in L.A., I'll be at "The Hive Gallery" this Saturday night for the group show. Come by, say hi and check out all the cool art on display. Speaking of which, Re is going to have one of her pieces on display at the show! So yeah, now you have no excuse not to go if you live close by. There will also be musical performances and snacks. Mmm... snacks.

The Hive Gallery
729 S. Spring St. Los Angeles, CA 90014
March 3 from 8PM to 12:30AM