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here-comes-peter-cottontail-with-an-easter-basket-of-diabetes

Here Comes Peter Cottontail… With An Easter Basket Of Diabetes.

I DRINK YOUR STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT UP! DRAAAIIINNAAAGE!

As I'm sure many of you have already seen, store shelves are officially in high gear for Easter. While I've always thought of it as one of the most useless holidays, I'll still take any chance I can get to enjoy some o' the seasonal candies associated with it. I have to be honest with you though, it's going to be hard to top the sweets from recent years such as the edible crucifix or the infamous nipple egg. So far I haven't seen anything on the shelves that quite compares to those gems. (more...)

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piles

Piles.

I love video games. I don't know if that's come across yet, given that I've done articles about sexual moments in games, rom hacks, and a host of other issues, but in case you haven't gotten that message from me, I do love games. Even more when I can get a friend or two involved. Years back, however, a friend of mine told me something that left me utterly confused. (more...)

70 Comments

my-life-as-a-zombie-sheriff

My Life As A Zombie Sheriff.

braaaaaiiiins

Here's your chance to help ol' Protoclown get on the upcoming Diary of the Dead DVD. Last Saturday I got all dressed up as a zombie and spent the entire day working on a three-minute short film directed by Robert Elkins, titled "No More Room in Hell." My friend Scott (the one who looks like Rob Zombie) told me about this shoot and convinced me to come along and be in Robert's film. I've already been in a previous film of his, "The Curse of Zombie Lake", which will appear on the upcoming Zombthology DVD, but I'm wearing a mask in that so no one will actually recognize me. Fortunately, we got actual make up this time around, which for me was a lot more fun. (more...)

25 Comments

in-which-i-reveal-my-dabbling-in-the-sciences

In Which I Reveal My Dabbling In The Sciences.

I saw the eclipse... in the reflection of my TV screen!

Gentle Reader, what can I tell you today?

Last night, during commercial breaks in American Idol, I watched a total eclipse of the moon. I’m certain the confluence of events was informative in some way, but it hasn’t processed yet. I favor the lady with the two-tone hair and I think eclipse phenomena are overrated in general, although I enjoyed it. We are constantly being told that some astronomical function is taking place which has not happened in many years and won’t happen again in our lifetimes, but it seems as if taken as a whole they happen with unkind regularity. I can only be called upon to be amazed so many times. As an employee of a science museum, I recognize this opinion for the shameful lack of character it reveals, but there it is. (more...)

29 Comments

fruity-nuggets-the-ultimate-generic-cereal

Fruity Nuggets: The Ultimate Generic Cereal?

Home of Fruity Nuggets!

I like my local grocery store, Pavilions. It's close by, they carry almost everything I like, and it's open all night so I can shop there when there are no lines to wait in. Yes, I still go to Trader Joes and Whole Foods (aka: Whole Paycheck) every week, but places like that obviously don't have certain bare necessities in life such as Pop Tarts and Glacier Freeze flavored Gatorade. That's where Pavilions comes in. So I was in there the other day perusing the cereal aisle when I came upon a generic gem that nearly brought me to tears... (more...)

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rotoscoping-needs-to-die

Rotoscoping Needs To Die.

whoah...

Yes, this could easily go on one of my old Things That Must Be Destroyed lists, but I haven't written one of those in years, so putting it in the blog here will do just fine. For those of you who don't know what rotoscoping is, it's a form of animation where artists literally trace each frame of a filmed video to give it a weird hand-drawn look... but you can still tell it was filmed. If you saw the recent film A Scanner Darkly, then you've seen a good example of interpolated rotoscoping. So why does rotoscoping need to die? Because I'm absolutely sick of seeing it. Yes, it can be a good tool for some animators 'n all, I understand that, but allow me to explain why I think it's getting way out of hand. (more...)

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