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Who needs a couch when you have a Sumo?

by -RoG- on 11/28/2006, 2:29 pm

No, I did not import a humongous wrestler from Japan to replace my couch... I'm talking about the Sumo Omni Chair I just got in the mail. These guys actually contacted me in early October and I really wanted to give them a plug back then, but I was too preoccupied with all of the Halloween madness. Now that it's over with and I have the chair in my possession, I can give 'em the attention that they really deserve.

You wanna have a pillow fight? BRING IT ON. I WILL DESTROY YOU.

We all love bean bag chairs right? Of course we do. They were the greatest places to plant your ass for a few hours back in the day, but what about when you get a lil' older? Yeah, those bean bag chairs somehow get quickly replaced by grown-up furniture from IKEA 'n what have you, but what fun is that? Sumo has thankfully come to the rescue with the "Porsche" of bean bag chairs in the form of the Omni. This thing is a massive bead-filled lounge chair/pillow, and as you can see, it can fit my entire body on it with room to spare. I'm a fairly tall guy at 6'3", so I'm definitely impressed that there's more than enough space on it for me - plus it can take on a variety of shapes for whatever position you want to sit in.

Now, if you're like me, you've destroyed quite a few bean bag chairs in your time whenever a "chair fight" broke out or you simply scraped it up against the edge of a table. That won't be the case with this thing though, because it's totally tear-proof, so feel free to beat the hell out of it. It's a chair, it's a pillow... it's even a punching bag. And the same goes for their little Otto seat, which also makes for a great foot rest when combined with the Omni.

The one thing I do have a problem with is that they chose the wrong person to model the Omni on their site. I'm clearly the better choice, don't you think?

I admit it, Rog is a better model than I am!

vs.

Want me to model your product? Talk to my agent, bitches.

No contest if you ask me.

I am also hereby making a formal declaration of WAR to the Newgrounds staff. You see, my chums over there also got some of these Sumo Omni chairs, and I can't think of a more television-broadcast-worthy event than our two sites duking it out in a no holds barred, every man for himself giant Sumo chair-pillow fight. It could be bloody, it could result in the deaths of a few, it could even be erotic... er wait, ignore that last part. What I do know is that it would make for some damned good TV. I've got my Sumo Omni and Otto... and I'm ready for WAR. They say these things are stain proof, but I wanna put it to the test when the blood of every Newgrounds staff member is splattered upon my Omni. Lock the doors to your office if you like, Newgrounds, they won't be able to withstand the brute force of the Sumo Omni when it comes crashing down upon them! And while I'm destroying them with my bean-filled might, I'll make sure that the radio is blasting Billy Idol's new "Happy Holidays" album so that's the last thing they ever hear.

All I need is a plane ticket to Philadelphia and this will happen. Somebody please make this happen. Now.

Thanks again to Sumo for my new chair / weapon of choice. If you're interested in purchasing one of these, they're having a Christmas sale right now, so I suggest getting 'em when you can save an extra 20 bux off the normal price.

19 Comments

billy-idols-happy-holidays-christmas-album

Billy Idol’s “Happy Holidays” Christmas Album!

by -RoG- on 11/22/2006, 3:38 pm

My friends, I believe I have just purchased what may be the greatest Christmas album to come out in AGES. Behold!

With a Rebal Yell, you too can Rock the Cradle of Love this holiday season!

FUCK YES. Billy Idol and Christmas - together at last! Not since the Star Wars Christmas Album have I been so excited about a hilarious holiday recording. I'm sorry, but this is just too good to be true. And it's not what you'd expect! I'm sure you're all thinking he's redone all the Christmas tunes in classic Billy Idol style, but you're wrong. No longer is he pumping his spike-adorned fist in the air. Nope, our pal Billy has traded in his white wedding days for a white Christmas instead. On his new "Happy Holidays" album, he's singing these classic Xmas tunes the way the were originally intended to be performed. Just sit there for a minute and try to picture Billy "Mony Mony" Idol performing a yuletide tune like "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" in front of the Christmas tree.

Oh, but it gets better. And just how does it get better?

He filmed music videos for some of the tunes.

Hot in the city tonight?

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I think this is one of the finest works of Christmas hilarity we'll ever see in our lives. The videos scream of low production value - even reusing the same set and adding in the digital snow. Either Billy Idol is a comedic genius or he's planning on coming out of the closet in the near future. And considering his big rock star reputation, I seriously doubt that it's the later. Just look at the big smile on his face as he sings those songs, still occasionally raising up his left lip in classic form. You just know he's getting a huge kick out of all this and I'm sure some of his fans (like me) are loving it while others are completely dumbfounded while wondering, "Why, Billy, why!?" Guess the joke's on them.

Listen up and listen good. The man is clearly a genius and you should welcome his new musical holiday hilarity with open arms. I highly recommend ordering it from his web site because it's only 10 bux on there as opposed to the 20+ that it's going for at most major retailers. Plus they take PayPal on his site, which is always nice if you use that service.

Make sure you catch ALL of his new holiday music videos. So far there are three of them online, but I'm hoping he's done one for all 17 songs on the album and will eventually release them all. Out of all three, I'd have to go with "Jingle Bell Rock" as my favorite video so far. Just watch it for yourself and you'll see why:

Forget about the Nintendo Wii, the Playstation 3 or anything else that might be on your Christmas wish list. Billy Idol's "Happy Holidays" album is without a doubt the greatest thing about the 2006 holiday season. Don't deny it. You know it's true.

55 Comments

Michael Richards…

by -RoG- on 11/21/2006, 12:02 pm

I'm sure you've all heard about the recent Michael Richards fiasco. Well, I have some breaking news... he's at it again.

Here's some exclusive new footage of his latest act of insensitiveness.

In all seriousness though, what are your thoughts on the whole issue? Did you catch his public apology on Letterman? It's hard to watch, especially since some of the audience members are laughing at first because they didn't know what happened and obviously thought it was part of a joke skit.

25 Comments

i-mockerys-2006-secret-santa-event

I-Mockery’s 2006 Secret Santa Event!

by -RoG- on 11/18/2006, 6:37 am

If there's one thing about Christmas that I've always liked, it's whenever I've been a part of a Secret Santa game. For those of you not in the know; Secret Santa is when a bunch of people gather together with presents in hand with the intention of exchanging them. However, you don't buy the presents for a specific person, you just buy something and put it into the pile. The people then draw numbers from a hat (usually a Santa hat, ho-ho-ho) to see who gets to pick from the gift pile first. After the first person gets his/her gift, they then must open it and show it to everybody and the person who bought it usually reveals himself/herself. At this point, the second person in line can either choose something from the gift pile or they can take the present that the first person already opened. The game continues on like this until everybody has had a chance to get a gift and it ends with the first person getting to choose to take a present back (if his/her present was taken at some point during the game).

Now back in elementary school, it wasn't as fun because one kid always got way better gifts than everybody else, and then some kid would get upset and start pulling hair and attempt to shove a huge glob of Elmer's Paste down the throat of whatever kid got the best gift. Ok it was me, but COME ON, he was asking for it! I got a friggin' Wooly Willy magnetic hair toy while Ted got a brand new Skeletor w/ Panthor gift set. That lucky sonofabitch had it comin' and I hope he can still sense the faint taste of school paste when he goes to sleep every night. Thankfully, it's always a lot of fun nowadays, and if you're friends with the same kind of people that I'm friends with, it can often involve a) truly hilarious gifts b) truly disgusting gifts or c) hilariously disgusting gifts. I won't get into all the details, but I'm sure you can all imagine.

Anyway, last year we held I-Mockery's first annual "Secret Santa" event and while we had a lot of fun with it, some people were flat-out lazy, and as a result it wasn't as good as it could've been. This year, we've got the event set up properly and it's going to be way better, so I'm proud to announce I-Mockery's 2006 Secret Santa event! What we do is simple. We collect the names of anybody who wishes to participate and then each of them are assigned one person to send a gift to. Every person who sends a gift out, will get a gift from a random person on the forums too. And the best part is you won't know who you're getting a gift from until it arrives. But it doesn't end there. Once you get your gift(s), you then post photos of them in our Secret Santa message board thread along with your comments about them. Last year, some people (myself included) actually told a story based on the gifts that they received. And no, you don't have to live in the U.S. to participate, this is open to anybody anywhere.

Sounds fun eh? You're damned right it does. All you have to is register on our message forums (if you haven't already) and then follow the instructions for participating in the event. And don't worry, everybody will be getting roughly the same level of gifts because we've set a minimum and maximum spending amount on them. So there won't be any of that "one person gets a Nintendo Wii system and another person gets a box of melted popsicles" kind of bullshit. The deadline for the signing up to participate is November 26th, and if you're brand new to the forums, you'll probably want to sign up a little earlier than that because there are several verification steps you'll have to go through in order to participate in the Secret Santa event.

You can find out more details about the event in the official Secret Santa event thread here: http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?p=451444

In other news, I'm sure you've all heard about the Dora the Explorer Aquapet that recently came out. If I had any idea that the entire internet would've made such a big deal over that thing just because it's phallic, I would've posted about it a long time ago. You see, it's really nothing new because Aquapets have been around for quite a while...

I'm submerged in a watery penis tomb for all eternity. I love my life.

We've had this lil' fella for 2 years or so and his container is just as phallic as the new Dora one that everybody's making a big deal about. Oh well, sometimes I just can't be the first one to break the big news about the latest phallic toys. It's something I've come to accept over the years. At least I can always count on this lil' guy to keep me company - he even sings some weird little tunes (including his own rendition of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries") while doing his aquadance whenever I push one of the buttons. My real friends won't do that for me even if I offer them cash.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got an Aquapet to go sit on talk to.

Random survey: Have you participated in a "Secret Santa" event at any point in your life? If so, what are some of the most memorable gifts you've given and received?

Random survey #2: What should we name our Aquapet and why?

23 Comments

winter-lucky-charms-and-glowing-nintendo-wii-gift-cards

Winter Lucky Charms and Glowing Nintendo Wii Gift Cards!

by -RoG- on 11/14/2006, 5:07 pm

So late last night I went to the grocery store and picked up a box of Lucky Charms for the first time in a while. While Boo Berry may be my all-time favorite, I think just about everyone remembers Lucky Charms as their first run-in with a cereal that had marshmallows in it (for all you trivia buffs, it's actually the first cereal that ever came with marshmallow bits in it). What's nice is that the marshmallow content seems to have gone up a bit over the years, so no longer is it a struggle to find marshmallows anymore towards the bottom of the box. And don't deny it, we've all dug marshmallows right out of the box and discarded the remaining cereal before. I remember doing it all the time when I was younger, always assuming some boring adult would come along and eat the leftover healthy cereal bits while reading the Wall Street Journal and talking about their 401k. Whatever that was all about...

For the holidays, they've just unveiled Winter Lucky Charms:

LUCKY Charms?

Ignoring the fact that leprechauns have about as much to do with Xmas as they do with tha hood and outer space; all of Lucky's new marshmallows now have an Xmas theme - Pine trees, stockings, candy canes, snowmen, ornaments, wreaths and presents. Depending on what's inside of them, I guess I could see the stockings and presents being potentially "lucky", but what about the rest of those things? I don't recall anything lucky about ornaments. Well, I do recall once stepping on the shard of a broken ornament with my bare feet, so I suppose that was a form of luck... just not the good kind. But a pine tree? A snowman? A wreath? A candy cane? What forms of luck have these really brought anybody? I'm just glad the pine tree marshmallows don't taste like sap and bark.

LUCKY Charms?

In other news, as if the new Nintendo system wasn't already looking good enough in the eyes of the general public, now there are new gift cards at Target. But not just any gift cards... glowing gift cards:

All gift cards should look this good.

Admit it... even if you're not planning on buying the Nintendo Wii, you still want to own one of these gift cards. A gift card that has a soft blue glow? Come on, who wouldn't want that? Hell, I'd buy one and not even bother to put any money on it.

Random survey: Please explain exactly what's so lucky or unlucky about each of the new Winter Lucky Charms marshmallows in your opinion.

18 Comments

holiday-mms-root-beer-kegs-and-i-mockerys-movie-cameo

Holiday M&M’s, Root Beer Kegs and I-Mockery’s movie cameo

by -RoG- on 11/10/2006, 1:39 pm

I think I'm officially into the holiday season now. All it ever takes is a few trips to the stores (which are now totally decked out with Xmas stuff) and my annual tradition of watching "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" around this time of year to get me into it all. Sure, it's not as cool as Halloween, but that doesn't mean there's not plenty o' stuff to have fun with, and I'll be damned if there aren't just as many new candies that come out during the holiday season each year as there are come Halloween. Of the few new holiday candies I've tried out so far my favorite would have to be these...

Limited Edition Mint Chocolate M&M's!

Yes indeed, all the goodness of M&M's combined with a tasty mint flavor. How can you go wrong with that? Let's hope that these new mint chocolate M&M's aren't going to be a "limited edition" like the bag states. I'd definitely like to see them be a year-round flavor. While they really are good, I must warn you... don't try scarfing down a ton of these at once. You may be able to eat a full bag of regular M&M's no problemo, but you can only eat but so many of these mint chocolate ones before they start to make you feel nauseas. But hey, at least that means each bag is gonna last you a lot longer. And if mint isn't your thing, there's still the usual assortment of M&M's out there and the bags are all decked out for the holidays. The dark chocolate flavored M&M's are also a lot easier to find this time of year, andif you haven't had them, I definitely suggest picking up a bag cuz they're damned good too.

And for those of you who don't get excited by new candies, perhaps this will interest ya...

Virgil's Root Beer Party Keg!

Virgil's Root Beer Party Keg! This was at my local grocery store mixed in with all of the other Xmas treats. I'm honestly not even sure if it's intended to be a holiday item or not, but it does kinda look like the mighty Virgil has emerged from the North Pole to bring the kids some frothy mugs of his finest root beer! And when the kids drink his hearty beverage, they too will be able to grow the same impressive facial hair! Virgil is a holiday hero! Damnit, now I need a picture of Virgil serving up that fine root beer on a t-shirt. From what I hear, this is actually some of the best tasting root beer out there and I look forward to cracking open this bad boy. Sure, it's almost 20 bux... but who can pass up on owning an entire KEG of this stuff? Michael J. Fox couldn't, and neither can I.

I'd listen to the man if I were you.

In other news, the trailer for StagKnight is out. For those of you new to the site or who don't remember, Stagknight is a cheezy horror/comedy from the UK and our web site has a small cameo during the movie. In fact, the director just sent me a screenshot of it:

The I-Mockery web site is a movie star in StagKnight! No autographs please! LOL

Pretty spiffy! No word yet on whether the web site will be walking down the red carpet though. But if it does, it'll definitely be wearing Versace, because fuck that Vera Wang shit. Only Versace knows how to dress the site right.

Random survey: Aside from drinking it, list other possible uses for a giant keg of root beer.

Random survey #2: Since there was never a spin-off movie about the life of Owen from Planes, Trains and Automobiles (of of greatest supporting character roles ever), share your thoughts on what a movie based on him would be like. Furthermore, explain the origins of the insane facial expression and nasal sound he makes.

20 Comments

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