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Care for some more man size wads”?

Remember a while back when I did that article about Big League Chew? Of course you do, because you read that article every day as if it's some kind of holy scripture that gives meaning to your life. It just had that much of an impact on you. Well buckle-up buddy, because it looks as though I spoke too soon.

Man Size Wads!

You see, when I wrote about this the old, unopened pack of Big League Chew from 1981 that I managed to procure, it had a promotional offer for a t-shirt on it that was covering up part of the awesome drawing. Still, the character's nose was in plain sight and I described it as "the most unintentionally phallic cartoon nose in the history of man." Now, however, I'm thinking it wasn't so unintentional after all.

I recently acquired an old Big League Chew promotional sticker from 1980. This sticker, has no offer on it; it simply shows the entire character and all I can say is WOW. Take a look:

Nice uh... chin!

Tell me, what instantly catches your eye here, eh? There's nothing "unintentional" about this. What we have here is something purely blatant, and while I wish they still kept the badass package designs like this, I can understand why their marketing team decided to change how the characters looked. I mean come on...

You're in the big league!
It just doesn't get any more audacious than that.

Well, now that I'm done talking about that, let's discuss something completely non-phallic: PickleMan! Hope you guys are enjoying the new "PickleMan and the Green Thumb of Triumph" game, we had a lot of fun making it over the past few weeks and there's more classic-style games like it on the way. Also, just to clear up any potential confusion, this game is not the same one that was being promoted in the teaser trailer from a while back. This one was just something fun we wanted to do on the side since the "big" PickleMan game keeps getting delayed. So whaddaya think of the new game so far? Did you manage to take down Mr. Bad? Did the bat sink its yellow fangs into you? Did Sister Nun Lady give you a whoopin' with her yard stick?

Oh yeah, I'm finally moving to downtown Burbank this Thursday. If all goes well, I'll be back online by Friday. Talk to you all then!


Just so that everybody can stop sending me emails by the truckload, I'll go ahead and announce it now: Our mission to get Gymkata released on DVD by having tons of people vote on it during Amazon's DVD Decision 2006 was a success! Amazon is now accepting orders for Gymkata on DVD and it will ship January 2007! VICTORY! Behold the fruits of our labor:

Be sure to pre-order your copy!

Read I-Mockery's big review of Gymkata kere!


Less Than Meets The Eye

If you haven't seen the pics of the Optimus Prime and Megatron character designs from the upcoming Transformers movie, here they are:

I'm 'flaming' pissed about this design

It's always nice watching some of the favorite things from your childhood get completely tarnished right before your eyes, isn't it? If I was Peter Cullen, I would flat-out refuse to be the voice of Optimus Prime if they were gonna put flames all over him. Flames look good on classic hot rods, motorcycles and women accused of witchery; NOT on Optimus Prime. I swear to god, I wouldn't be surprised if they slapped a "No Fear" sticker on his bumper at this point. Bastards.

Ok, so where's Megatron under all that crap?

And what about Megatron? It's like a powerful magnet went for a stroll through a metal scrapyard and this new Megatron design was the end result. And having him turn into an alien jet!? No. Unacceptable. Megatron is supposed to turn into a gun which, defying all logic, becomes small enough for Starscream to hold in his hand. That's what I want to see on the big screen, not a hunk of scrap metal that turns into friggin' "Flight of the Navigator".

Optimus was bad enough, but the fans are extremely pissed about Megatron. So much so that Hasbro COO Brian Goldner is trying to do some damage control: "Without revealing too much of the story, there is a very important reason for his look to have evolved from pure G1." I'm sorry, but there's no excuse, no reason good enough, to make Megatron look that way. You could tell me that he had to take on that new form in order to gain enough power to fight Voltron, Mothra, and Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka in a pit of molten lava filled with acid-spitting piranhas and Don Knotts as the referee; it STILL wouldn't be acceptable. But hey, I'll give you the scoop as to why they might end up having Megatron look this way...

Me love you long time!
I'm pretty sure that the big secret behind changing Megatron's
new look is that he's going to be used as a fellatio torture-bot.


The Weird Al Show

After seeing Weird Al do the intro on that Ren & Stimpy DVD I mentioned recently, I was reminded that he also had a TV show for a little while. So I just got a copy of "The Weird Al Show" on DVD and it's absolutely great. I don't know why, but I never saw the show when it originally aired, but I always heard that it was entertaining. Being a huge fan of his highly underrated "UHF" movie, this is the closest thing to a sequel us fans could get.

The whole series

So the premise of the show reminds me of Pee-Wee's Playhouse in a way, as there's a variety of skits intermixed with Al doing wacky things in his crazy looking home 20 miles below the surface of the earth (I *really* want that eyeball chair of his, sorry Pee-Wee, it kicks Chairy's ass). Having never seen the show in the past, I'm kicking myself now for missing it when it originally aired because he had some awesome guest stars appear on it. I mean really, if you knew a show had guests like Emo Phillips, John Tesh, Tony Little, Macho Man Randy Savage, Dick Van Patten, Fred Willard and Fabio... wouldn't you make damned sure that you watched it constantly? Yeah, me too. Oh well, at least I can make up for missing out on it now since the whole series is on this DVD. It's clear to me now that the show was far too short-lived.

The other thing I gotta say is that the Weird Al Show theme song for rules. It's one of those super-wordy Al tunes (much like "The Biggest Ball of Twin in Minnesota") that you'd love to be able to memorize, but probably don't have the time or dedication to do so. Well, it does include a karaoke feature on the first disc so you can attempt at singing along with the tune. Maybe I'll record myself sometime performing it for your amusement. In the meantime you can download the song and practice singing it on your own. Who knows, with enough dedication, you'll be as good as this guy.

On an unrelated note, I put up the photos from the Japanese supermarket as promised so be sure to check that out. And also, I decided that the rainbows you all sent in were too good to just reserve for a mere blog post - so I formed a new site where all drawings of puking rainbows can live in nauseating glorly. Behold! - an I-Mockery art project!

If you haven't already sent in a drawing of a rainbow puking up a rainbow, make sure you do so your artwork can be immortalized on RainbowPuke! I have a bunch o' new pics to put up on the site and I'll try to have them online in the next day or two.


Snakes, planes & automobiles.

If only there were 2 snakes that huge on the plane trying to bring it down. It might've been a better movie over all.

Alright, let's hear it... for those of you that saw the movie this weekend, what'd you guys think of Snakes on a Plane? Please keep in mind that a lot of people haven't seen it yet, so include any necessary "SPOILER!" warnings before you share details about the movie. Personally, I don't think any movie could possibly live up to that kind of hype, even if most of it is generated by the fans. What's surprising to me is how it only made 15 million over the weekend; I was expecting at least twice that much after all the hoopla. That being said, my thoughts on the movie (without spoiling anything) are as follows:

First half of the film: Fantastic. It was a total throwback to the unintentionally cheesy action movies that I grew up watching in the 80s. Plot holes galore, bad acting, an impossible scenario, and plenty of action.

Second half of the film: The movie simply loses all of its steam. I guess they just couldn't keep up the pace and think of great ways to keep killing people with snakes. The ending was pretty weak too.

Overall: What you're left with is just an ok movie. Sure it has some great moments in it, but anybody saying it's the best movie of the year or the best movie they've ever seen is clearly a fanboy just wrapped up in the heat of the moment who will eventually realize that it wasn't all that amazing.

So there you have my thoughts about the movie in a nutshell. Now it's your turn. And after this, let's never speak of it again, because in all honesty... I'm sick of hearing about those snakes, even if they were on a motherfucking plane.


Let the ground run red with the blood of Boy Scouts!

Wanted to post a plug here real quick for my pals over at Stagknight who just unveiled their new flash game: Staggy The Boyscout Slayer 2. If you played the original version of the game and had fun hacking up the helpless boyscouts like I did, then you'll surely get a kick out of the sequel. In this version there's levels and you can buy weapons and health so your game will last must longer. Plus the most powerful weapon in the game is a laser sword (*cough*lightsaber*cough*) and man does it cut through those boy scouts like buttah.

For those of you that are really good at the game, you might get a chance to win their big contest in which you'll get to go on a dinner date with the leading lady, Jocelyn Osorio, and a private screening of the movie in London with the director, Simon Cathcart. But even if you don't give a shit about those prizes, still play the game cuz it's fun. And if you don't believe me, perhaps this will convince you:


Farthest I've made it so far was level 12 with 800 kills. It gets pretty damned hard by that point, so if you have any strategies you'd like to share with me I'm all ears.

They've also redesigned their entire web site with an amusing interactive menu system in which you can throw a variety of weapons at silhouettes to access the different features. Be sure to check it out cuz there's all sorts o' new updates and photos from the movie. As you probably recall from some o' my prior posts, I-Mockery (and our chums from Newgrounds too!) will be making some web-browsing cameos in the movie. Hmm, I wonder if a web site can get a listing on IMDB. Can a web site get a big-time Hollywood agent? If so, I wonder if a web site can land a role in a huge blockbuster movie. What do you guys think? Would you rather see Samuel Jackson star in the sequel to Snakes on a Plane, or would you prefer to see a completely inanimate screenshot of this web site fighting the snakes instead? I know, I know... it's a tough call.

Oh and one last reminder, keep on sending in those RAINBOW PUKES! You'll be glad you did! The ones that I received via email so far have been fantastic and I can't wait to show 'em to you all.


Big Trouble in Little Tokyo

Ok, well there was no trouble at all really, I just like the subject line since Big Trouble in Little China is one of my all-time favorite movies and if you don't like it, you can get the hell off this web site right now. Then again, some would argue that I should've used Showdown in Little Tokyo for the title of this post instead. Now, while I agree that watching an action movie where Brandon Lee compliments Dolph Lundgren about the size of his penis is downright hilarious, it just doesn't hold a candle to BTILC.

So anyway, this past weekend we once again went exploring around Los Angeles. I'm sure you've already seen the new minimock feature about the Animatronics Exhibit we visited, if not, be sure to check it out. After we finished checking out all of the crazy animatronics, we decided to head on over to Little Tokyo - also known as Japantown, J-Town, and perhaps even J-Lo.

At the Little Tokyo Shopping Center (formerly the Mitsuwa Plaza), they were having an Anime festival. Though, I'm not sure if you can call something a festival when maybe 50 people showed up. Anyway, when we arrived, Mari Iijima was there playing piano and singing while her adoring fans sat and listened. Actually, it seemed like she was talking to her fans more than playing her songs because every time I walked by, I swear she was talking about love, people she's loved, people who loved her and... more love. Then again, isn't that pretty much what every song in anime movies are about? Eh, beats me, I'm not really into anime.

Whether you speak Japanese or not, you can still play the games. Well, most of them at least.

We walked around a bit and found Japan Arcade which was a lot of fun since all of the games were in Japanese and we had to just wing it. Re and I went head-to-head in a game of Typing of the Dead which was a blast, because not only is it fun to type fast and kill zombies as a result, but all the words you have to type are in Japanese so that increases the difficulty tenfold. We then played Puzzle Bobble for a while and had some real good matches. There was also some game that had photos of Japanese girls in their underwear 'n shit. I have no clue what the hell that game was about. Anyway, when it was all said 'n done, I kicked Re's ass in the video games and somewhat redeemed myself after she destroyed me at that arcade on our Road Trip.

Aside from the arcade, the one other really cool thing about the Little Tokyo Shopping Center is that there's a grocery store on the bottom floor - Mitsuwa Marketplace. It's apparently the largest Japanese supermarket in the United States. If that's true, it's sad, because it seemed like an average size grocery store to me. Either way, it was a blast walking around in there and looking at all of the crazy Japanese foods and drinks. Aside from all the fish and tofu, the packaging on Japanese snacks is probably some of the most colorful stuff you'll ever see. I took a bunch o' photos of these packages and I'll be putting up a new Shorts piece to showcase them a little later this week. In all seriousness, it looks like a rainbow threw-up all over their snack section and forever stained the packages with a million bright colors.

Hmm, a rainbow throwing up a rainbow of colors. I don't know why, but I like that idea. Tell ya what. To any of you who draw me picture of a rainbow throwing up a rainbow of colors: I will post your pictures here in the blog. Do we have a deal? Alright then, get to work on those nauseated rainbows and email your pics to me!

On a final note, I'd like to congratulate my buddies over at Cracked on the premiere issue of their new magazine finally coming out. So go out and buy it. Buy three or four. I'm working on an article for one of the upcoming issues (hopefully issue #3) so I'll keep ya posted on that.


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