Elections? Pfft! Frankenstorms? Pshaw! We are all here to celebrate the most important holiday in history, and nothing is going to prevent us from doing so... not even having the holiday take place smack dab in the middle of the work week! This is the time when we toss aside those brains of ours that are constantly trying to grow up. This is the time when we pay complete strangers a visit and demand they give us all the sugary treats in their possession or face the wrath of having their property adorned with eggs and toilet paper! This is the time when we watch countless horror films, because they may not always scare us, but they feel like a familiar old friend returning home to keep us company. This is Halloween.
I already went out in costume with Re and some friends this past weekend to various Halloween yard haunts and gatherings, and we still plan on going trick-or-treating tonight. This year, I am Keytar Commander (yes, Cobra Commander with a keytar) and Re created her own interpretation of a red devil with a Venetian carnival mask. It wasn't planned, but I love how our red and blue outfits really seem to go together... it must be the keytar. Yeah, I'm gonna credit the keytar for being the glue that makes our costumes work. Once again, I have to send a big thank you to 80sTees for sending me the Cobra Commander costume. As you can see, it's the only official costume out there that features him with his hood instead of his traditional mirror mask helmet. If you grew up playing with G.I. Joe toys like I did, this version of the Commander was your most cherished one because he was only available for a limited time via a mail-away offer. Sadly, he was never available with a keytar.
As you probably know, I dedicate an entire two months to Halloween every year. It's a huge undertaking that swallows my life from September 1st - October 31st, but I have an incredible amount of fun doing it. This year, I feel like I wrote more "big" feature articles than I have in quite a while. Not sure what it is, but my energy and excitement for Halloween this season just has not waned at all over the past two months. We've covered a ton of ghoulish ground, and I hope you've all enjoyed every macabre minute of it. Here's a recap of some of the highlights this season:
-We were reminded that Hausu is an absolutely insane Japanese horror film.
-We learned never to take a cat on a yacht.
-We looked back at Supernaturals Ghostlings and realized they just might be the greatest holographic Halloween ghost toys ever made. Okay, they're also the only ones.
-We unveiled the Jack-O-Juke - a Halloween music jukebox with over 180 spooky songs and counting.
-We learned some important life lessons from Beetlejuice.
-We realized that the Ghoul Log is pretty much the worst thing ever made.
-We battered your brains with more Greatest Horror Movie Moments.
-We made the case for Halloween Doritos and expect the Frito-Lay company to deliver next year when we remind them about it again and again.
-We visited Knott's Scary Farm for their 40th annual Halloween Haunt.
-We laughed once again at what some people try to pass off as sexy Halloween costumes.
-We were hypnotized by the glitter blood in the Michael Myers Halloween Snow Globe from the special 20th anniversary VHS set.
-We saw a Blaxploitation ripoff of the Exorcist called Abby.
-We saw the construction of a Haunted Gingerbread Mansion.
-We remembered that Vintage Halloween Cards are far creepier than any modern horrors.
-We found that no sticker collection is complete without some Monstickers.
-We were even traumatized by Scary Moments in non-horror films too.
-We conducted another thorough Halloween Candy Taste Test.
-We battled our way through all the glorious 8-bit gore in Abadox: The Deadly Inner War.
-We viewed some amazing Foreign Horror Movie Posters.
-We were reminded by Chopping Mall that nobody should ever let robots handle their security.
-We learned that some of our readers are incredible Halloween Toothpaste Artists.
You know there is no time I enjoy more than Halloween each year, and having so many of you making I-Mockery your online Halloween home truly makes it all the better. I really try to give you guys the best and widest variety of Halloween coverage you'll find anywhere online every season - from visiting haunts and reviewing movies, to taste testing candies and tracking down the most absurd novelties and more, I always try to make every season special and filled with surprises. If you continue to stick with me, I'll do my best to keep that tradition going strong for years to come.
I'll have some post-Halloween photos and videos to put up on I-Mockery soon too, so don't go anywhere. Once more, I must thank Dr. Boogie and Protoclown for their awesome contributions to our Halloween celebration. Also, a huge thanks to Re for putting up with me as I turned our home into something that looked like a special Halloween episode of Hoarders.
Of course, a huge thanks again to you for sticking with us during our annual "Two Months of Halloween" celebration. It's a lot of work to put all this content together, but it's a lot of fun too, and your feedback definitely helps keep our bloody brains going. If you haven't already, please like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, and uh... tumble us on Tumblr. This is a completely independent web site, and we rely entirely on people like YOU to spread the word about it, so please do so if you can!
Please drop a comment (whether you're logged in or not) in the blog here and let us know what you thought of the Halloween season and what your favorite articles were. Also, let us know what your Halloween plans are and feel free to post photos of your costumes if you're dressing up or your decorations or any other Halloweeny things you like!
Thanks again everyone and Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
fresh meat stale bubble gum! I recently stumbled on these three containers of "Freddy's Bubble Gum", produced by the Topps company in 1988, and simply had to have 'em. First off, I have no idea how these things went under my radar during the height of my A Nightmare on Elm Street fanaticism back in the late eighties. Who wouldn't want bubble gum that's officially endorsed by the Springwood Slasher himself?
There were six different containers, each with a new photo of Freddy and some quote related to him. Here are the random quotes that could be found on the pictures:
-FREDDY THE SEX SYMBOL!
-QUIET - I'M KILLING SOMEONE!
-MY NAME IS FREDDY - YOUR NAME IS MUD!
-HOME SWEET HOMICIDE!
-WHO STOLE MY NAIL CLIPPERS?
Those are some quality quips right there, folks. Bazooka Joe would be totally jealous of those one-liners. But what about the gum? What horrors would lurk within?
While they came in push-up pop shaped containers, the gum itself is more akin to tiny size Chiclets, though they're slightly larger. It's a bit disappointing that the gum pieces aren't shaped like Freddy's infamous glove or anything remotely cool like that. I'd even settle for pieces shaped after his sweater or fedora hat. These aren't even remotely scary and the pastel colors make me think of Easter, not some of my favorite horror movies. Bubble gum aside, these are still fun little collector cases and hopefully I can track down the remaining ones to complete my collection some day. I'm sure it'll happen... it's not like there's a huge market out there for obscure Freddy Krueger bubble gum containers, so they're never gonna cost that much.
Oh, and if you're wondering what the display box for Freddy's Bubble Gum looked like, I tracked down one avid Elm Street collector who took a photo of it complete with all the containers:
Gotta love how Freddy's pictured on the box, just chowing down on the tiny pieces of gum as if each one was a tortured soul from his many teenage victims. The gum itself may not be amazing, but I think we can all agree that more horror icons deserve their own lines of bubble gum. Come on candy companies... pay the licensing fees and make it happen!
More I-Mockery articles about A Nightmare on Elm Street & Freddy Krueger:
-Freddy's 10 Best Kills
-Freddy's Nightmares (pilot episode)
-Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper
-The Freddy Krueger Face & Make-Up Kit
-Freddy Krueger in Mortal Kombat
-A Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy's Forgotten PC Game
-Freddy Krueger's Nike Sneakers
-The "Design A Freddy Glove" Contest Results
-Dokken's "Dream Warriors" Music Video
-Freddy's Amazing Death in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4
-Freddy's Greatest Hits LP
-Freddy Krueger & Jason Voorhees Have A Van
Of all the snack brands out there, it seems like Doritos is one of the biggest to have never truly embraced the Halloween season by offering a limited edition spooky flavor of their chips. Sorry, but that is totally unacceptable. Halloween Doritos need to happen. And don't think I'm here just to complain without offering any solutions. No, I've actually drawn up an idea that came to me right after I finished my recent article about Halloween snack chips, and I think it's something everyone can get on board with.
So it seems to me that if the Frito-Lay company wants to claim their place in the pantheon of great Halloween snacks, they're really going to have to go all out with something that both captures the spirit of the season and the attention of everybody who adores it. For example - take the recent Candy Corn Oreo cookies that took the online world by storm. Whether or not you like the taste of candy corn, the cookies still look amazing, and it's the classic candy corn color pattern that people associate so strongly with the Halloween holiday. It's that very look which brings me to what I consider the perfect idea for a Halloween edition of Doritos. Behold!
Beautiful isn't it? We've already seen Doritos release their "Collisions" packages with multiple flavors, so you can't tell me this isn't a completely feasible product. More importantly, it's something that just about anybody would be willing to try. I may love candy corn, but I'm not crazy enough to think there's a way to shoehorn the flavor into tortilla chips and have it work on any level. However, one could easily take the visual of candy corn and have each of the three classic colors represent three flavors that do work. That's exactly what I've done here, using white cheddar, nacho cheese, and yellow corn tortilla - all three of which are very common in the snack arena.
And don't worry, Frito-Lay... I've already taken the liberty to help design the packaging for these new Halloween Doritos and even gave them a name:
Hallo Cheese! HALLO CHEESE! HALLO CHEEEEEEEESE!!!!
There you have it. "Hallo Cheese" flavored Halloween Doritos! I've come up with the idea and given you the blueprints, it's now up to you, Frito-Lay, to make the Halloween dream of billions (probably an underestimate) come true. Do not let us down.
How you can help: To those of you who are reading this and want to see Hallo Cheese Doritos become a reality, please help out by messaging the official @DoritosUSA Twitter account about them, by posting on the official Doritos Facebook page, and by contacting Frito-Lay directly. They seem to be pretty good about responding to people, so hopefully with enough of us contacting them, the right set of eyeballs will see these Hallo Cheese chips and maybe we'll see them put into production sometime.
Here's hoping we'll all be wiping Hallo Cheese dust off our fingers next Halloween!
So this is weird. I got an email today from somebody named Gozer. This person claimed to go by a variety of names such as Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, and Volguus Zildrohar. In this email, Gozer asked me to "Choose the form of the Destructor!" I had no idea what Gozer was talking about, so I just replied with the most harmless thing I could think of. Moments later, my doorbell rang and it was the UPS guy with a delivery. After I signed for it, he handed me a package and said, "The choice is made. The Traveler has come!" in a raspy voice. He then hopped into his truck and it flew off into the sky. I opened up the package and found this:
It was an inflatable Stay Puft Marshmallow Man! Not just any inflatable either... we're talking about a massive 8-foot tall Mr. Stay Puft. Created by Morbid Enterprises, the box promised that he would inflate within minutes and could be used indoors or outdoors. Look, I love outdoor inflatables during the Halloween season as much as the next guy, but if you had a chance to have a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man standing in your living room, you'd be a fool pass up that opportunity.
Well whaddaya know! Mr. Stay Puft apparently doesn't always stay puffed after all. After pulling his wrinkled body out of the box, I left the lawn stakes aside since I wasn't about to hammer them into my floor. Pretty sure that'd cancel out any hopes I'd have of ever getting my deposit on this place back. Fortunately, his feet have little weighted sandbags in them, so Puft wasn't about to go anywhere.
I plugged him in and the little motor in his feet started whirring. What surprised me is that the motor is actually pretty quiet. I have a spare inflatable mattress, and the motor for that thing gets louder than my goddamned car, so kudos to the creators for not going with a similar motor. I was also happy to see that he was rising faster than a marshmallow in a microwave.
In less than four minutes, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man had reached his full 8-foot tall size. All the wrinkles practically vanished and he looked perfect as he towered over everything in the room. Let's face it, a lot of inflatables have to cut corners when it comes to design due their puffy nature, but Mr. Stay Puft couldn't be more perfectly shaped for such a thing. I've also seen a variety of toys and costumes that never seem to get his face quite right, but they got all the correct details in with this version of him. He even has a few little lights dangling from inside his body to help illuminate him at night which is a real nice touch.
Honestly, these photos don't even do him justice. Hit the jump to see a video of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man inflating to his massive full size! (more...)
One year ago, I went to the local cemetery during a full moon, dug a grave, and buried a jukebox in it. I would explain why I did this, but why creep you out with the gruesome details of my nocturnal October activities? So anyway, I returned to the cemetery last night, dug up that same jukebox, plugged it in, and discovered something truly horrifying...
It had become the Jack-O-Juke!
The Jack-O-Juke is a jukebox filled with over 180 horrifying Halloween songs to keep your decaying ears bleeding with ghoulish glee all season long. Feel free to keep the Jack-O-Juke open in a separate window so you can listen to all of the hand-picked tunes while still checking out all the latest article offerings here on I-Mockery.
I've received so many emails over the years from people asking me to set up a Halloween music jukebox on the site, I figured it was high time I oblige you guys before you decided to break into my home and eat my skull. With the help of some kind chums who donated their time, I gathered all kinds of killer Halloween songs, from the classics we all know and love to the completely obscure, and added them to this jukebox. I hope this new feature makes your Halloween season even more enjoyable than it already is... and I also hope it doesn't kill my server with all the bandwidth it's surely going to devour.
If you would like to help me out with the bandwidth costs, please consider purchasing our official 8-Bit Halloween print or anything else from our store. Every purchase helps cover my hefty hosting bills!
Have a song to suggest? If there's a Halloween tune that you feel is worthy of a permanent spot in the Jack-O-Juke, please post it here in this blog thread. This thread will be the permanent home for all spooky song suggestions, so feel free to return with all the ideas you can come up with. I can't promise I'll add anything you suggest, but I'll certainly keep an open mind about any haunted Halloween anthems you can come up with.
Alright, that's enough blabber. Start listening to the Halloween songs, please spread the word, and lemme know what you think!
So back in 1998, they were celebrating the 20th anniversary of John Carpenter's Halloween and decided to release something special for the fans who wanted to celebrate the occasion. Any lucky fan who happened to wander into a Suncoast video store could have stumbled upon this limited edition 20th Anniversary Commemorative Halloween VHS snow globe set. Man... Suncoast video stores were a real godsend to horror movie fanatics like myself back in the day. Their horror sections were always filled with movies that no other stores carried, and they also had a knack for selling some great monster toys too.
Anyway, I was sold the instant I laid my eyes on the little blood splat on the packaging which read "'Snows' Glitter Blood". Glitter Blood! If we were talking about one of the Twilight flicks, it would sound incredibly lame, but since we're talking about a snow globe that celebrates Michael Myers, glitter blood sounds pretty damn awesome.
Now getting the widescreen edition of Halloween on VHS at the time was a nice treat, but I already had a copy of the movie, so there's no denying that the real selling point here was getting the beautifully bloody snow globe.
Yeah, I feel pretty comfortable saying that this is probably my all-time favorite movie tie-in novelty item. The snow globe features a reenactment of the scene from Halloween in which Michael Myers is trying to kill Laurie Strode near the couch. I don't even know why they refer to it as a snow globe. They should just call it a blood globe in this case.
It's really insane when you think about it. Halloween is an absolute classic horror movie that knows how to scare, but it does so with pure atmosphere and hardly any blood whatsoever. So, seeing Michael Myers attacking Laurie Strode with a virtual hurricane of blood flying everywhere, is a lot like watching a long lost scene that John Carpenter left on the cutting room floor.
Hit the jump to see the commemorative Halloween snow globe in action:
Follow us on:
Want Your Ad Here?
Send us an email!