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One Otter to cool them all!

As the weather gets warmer and warmer in the summer months, there's one thing that we're all likely to indulge in more often: ice pops. Yes indeed, on a super hot day, those frozen treats can sometimes be the only thing standing between you and certain death. With an ice pop in your hand, you can laugh at the heat. With an ice pop in your hand, you can hold it high above your head as if it were Excalibur as you shout at the sun, "Gimme your best shot pal, I can take it!" With an ice pop in your hand, you control your own destiny!

Ok, well maybe your experiences with ice pops aren't quite so centered around such violence and drama, but I think we can change that. Today it is finally time to put some infamous icy treats up against one another for all out war. Oh yes, today it is time for...

Otter Pops Armageddon! One Otter to cool them all!

Otter Pops! Louie-Bloo Raspberry, Strawberry Short Kook, Sir Isaac Lime, Poncho Punch, Little Orphan Orange and Alexander the Grape. You cannot deny that you have a favorite Otter Pop and now it's time for you to prove why he or she is the best of the bunch. The question is simple: If all the Otter Pop otters were to engage in battle, which one would be left standing and why?

As usual, make sure you've backed up your choice with supporting evidence before you perform a verbal coup de grace on the other otters. After all, if you choose a weaker otter, he/she won't be able to protect you from the physical onslaught of the otters you impetuously dismissed. For the record, I've seen what these otters can do to somebody who they're pissed off at and believe me, you do not want to get on their bad sides.


Memorial Day Weekend Plans?

Alright, time to spill the proverbial beans, guts, or whatever it is that you have to spill. What are you guys doing this holiday weekend? And for our mockers outside the US, by all means, feel free to share with us what you're doing. Chances are you're doing something far less lame than we are anyway.

As for me, I'm gonna be around Orange County in Santa Ana, Costa Mesa and Newport Beach. Never been there before but Re's in a group art show at the Orange County Center for Contemporary Art on Saturday night, so we figured we'd make a nice weekend getaway out of it. If you have any places to suggest that we visit while we're there, by all means post them here and hopefully I'll have a chance to read 'em before we head out each day.

Hope you all have a spiffy weekend and make sure you stay safe if you go to the beach. Trust me, there are more dangers at the beach than you might think...

It's all fun in the sun until somebody busts out the Gymkata moves


Dig my little ants… dig!

Behold the untainted blue goop!

As I mentioned in my last post, I now own the Antworks Illuminated Ant Habitat thanks to one generous I-Mockery reader. I didn't have too much to post about it at the time because the ants I ordered for it hadn't arrived yet. But they're here now, and man are they busy in their slimy new home of gelatinous blue goop.

Unfortunately, only five of the twenty-five harvester ants I ordered using the coupon that came with the Antworks kit survived the trip (even though I put a rush order on them). Actually, I really have no way of knowing if they just threw a bunch of dead ants in there and mailed them to me or not. Still, I sent them a complaint and hopefully they'll send me some extra ones soon. I understand that not all of them are expected to survive the trip (especially considering how the postal service has literally mangled some of my packages to the point where you would think they had been raped with a circular saw) but five ants is still pretty weak. Nonetheless, they've kept me plenty entertained as I watch them adjust to their new space-age home.

So the way it works is you start off by creating 4 small "starter holes" to help the ants get started with their tunneling. Sure enough, one of the ants started digging in one of the holes I had created about a day later. Then another ant, who will be known as "Rebel" from here on out, decided to go against the will of his captor and start digging a brand new hole of his own in the corner of the habitat. What's more, after he started doing this, he convinced all of his other ant pals to help him out, including the ant that had started digging in the hole I had created for him.

A funny thing happened though before the first ant finally joined the others. That one ant took some goop from his hole that I had created and covered up Rebel's hole with it. LOL. YOU GOT ANT PRANKED!

Anyway, once their tunnel reached the base of the habitat, they created a second artery from inside it which leads all the way back up to the top. The result of all this digging has created a large pile of goop on the surface which the ants are all too happy to sleep and snack on. I also think they're creating this pile as a makeshift ladder in hopes of reaching the ceiling.

Oh, and for anybody who's considering getting one of these Antworks habitats, I highly recommend getting the one with the glowing blue LED light base. After all, what's better than watching ants eat and dig their way through blue goop? Watching them eat and dig their way through glowing blue goop.

And now, some pics of the ants and their handiwork:

Click any of the above pics to enlarge!


Burgertime Baddies Battle!

Now that I've got some good video capture software, I was really happy to finally be able to do an article on "Tag Team" because there was virtually nothing about the TV show anywhere on the web. No footage of it to be found and only a small entry on IMDB. I was lucky enough to stumble on a copy of the pilot episode a while back (along with some other old shows that hardly anybody has ever heard of that I will surely be reviewing at some point) and I was laughing my ass off at how bad, yet hilarious it was. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jesse "The Body" Ventura in a show about ex-wrestlers who become cops, yet still use their wrestling moves to fight the bad guys? How can you go wrong with a formula like that? If only the TV execs had given that show the greenlight... who knows what hilarity we would've been treated to during a full season. Ah well, at least you can all check out the pilot episode to experience what could have been. If you don't enjoy it, I'll have some words with you down in Piper's Pit.

In other news, an I-Mockery reader just sent me the Antworks Illuminated Ant Habitat from my wish list which rocks, because I was just talking about getting some pets the other week. And really, what could make better pets than a bunch of ants? Ok, well a lot of things could make for better pets than ants, but this is still gonna rock. I already sent away for the ants to be mailed to me (they don't come with the ant farm) so hopefully they'll be arriving soon. It's gonna be nice watching ants eat and tunnel through glowing blue goo. Pictures will be forthcoming as soon as I receive the ants. Maybe you guys can help me name them. Then again, it'd probably be hard to keep track of which ant is which.

So the other day I was playing Burgertime and got to thinking, "What if the bad guys from Burgertime no longer wanted to kill chef Peter Pepper and instead turned on each other? Who would win in this 3-way battle?" Clearly there's only one way to settle this:

Only one shall emerge victorious! Choose your food!

For our next big "Showdown" discussion here in the I-Mockery blog, we must choose who would emerge victorious in an all-out brawl: Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Egg, or Mr. Pickle. Cast your votes and be sure to back up why you think your choice would win with supporting evidence!

Also why aren't there any female counterparts to these foods? Furthermore, how can they even tell if a hot dog, egg and pickle are males? Ok, granted, a hot dog is phallic by nature, but what about the other two?


Spider-Man, celebrity run-ins and Hooters for kids.

Hope you guys have enjoyed "Spider-Man Week" here on I-Mockery. Each day we put up a new Spidey-themed piece in preparation for the release of Spider-Man 3. For those of you who've already seen the new movie, what'd you think? I'm sure I'll be checking it out sometime soon and then will share my thoughts on it. After all, if there's one person who can pull off Venom, it's gotta be Sam Raimi.

So the other night I was out for a late walk around downtown Burbank when who do I run into? Jay Leno. He didn't have any camera crews with him, he was just out for a walk around town I guess. The studio where they film the Tonight Show is only about a mile from where we are, so it's not too surprising. Even though I'm not into his humor, it was pretty surreal just seeing him walking around in public without a camera crew or crowds of people asking for autographs.

Two days later, I'm walking in West Hollywood and I see a shiny black Escalade with tinted windows parked on the street, but one of the windows is rolled down. Who's sitting there? Mike Tyson. It's hard to miss a guy like that because a) he's got that crazy facial tattoo and b) he's just plain crazy. He stopped speaking on his phone for a minute and stared at me and I just smiled and kept walking as I could only imagine what was going through his mind. I'd venture to guess that he was wondering about eating my face or whether you spell "car" with a "c" or a "k". Either way, I didn't want to stick around to find out, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna brag to him about how I beat his ass in "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out" back in the day.

Elsewhere, Re and I were in Pasadena for a little while last weekend and couldn't help but burst into laughter as we walked by the local Hooters restaurant. No, we weren't laughing at the pathetic simps who claim they go there because, "the food is really good!"... we were laughing at this:

Hey kids, no need to bring your pacifiers!

Yep, in one window they have a sign announcing their menu for children and in the next window over they've got bikini-clad Hooters girls. Can you imagine that family gathering...

(After a long day at work, Dad arrives back at home)
Kids: "Daddy! Daddy! We're so glad you're home! We missed you!"
Dad: "Haha, oh I love you kids!"
Wife: "Honey! It's so good to see you! I made you some nice meatloaf for dinner!"
Dad: "You know what? I'm in a good mood today! I've got a steady job, I've got a loving wife and I've got two beautiful children! Ok family, hop in the car because... WE'RE GOING TO HOOTERS!"

When I was a kid, we went to Chuck E. Cheese's. Man oh man, how times have changed...

Oh and one last reminder: Don't forget tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day!

Alright, on with the Spider-Man 3 discussion! Let's hear your web slingin' thoughts.