jesse (Guest) on 02/28/2007 11:56 am

Vodka, and orange juice. By which I mean the ground up spleen of O.J. Simpson.

teknotheef (Guest) on 02/28/2007 12:27 pm

Nothing better than 1 part tonic, 1 part grapefruit juice, 1 part orange juice, 1 part club soda, 2 Alka-Seltzer Plus, and blue-green algae (should be able to find it a supermarket.) It'll do the trick in one heck of a jiffy.

MEK (Guest) on 02/28/2007 12:56 pm

Have a nice sandwich of ham, lettuce, Sweet Thai Chilli, Super hot Tabasco sauce, (the one will flames on the packet) soy sauce and onion relish on two slices of brown bread..
Even if it doesn't cure you , it will defiantly give your taste buds something to think about other than mucus, also the Tabasco sauce will most likely melt all of it very quickly so you'll be able to breath normally for a while.

Jesse B (Guest) on 02/28/2007 1:10 pm

Notes:

* Always serve ice cold.
* For best results, chill all alcohol in freezer before and after preparation.
* Serve with lemon wedges as chaser or garnish. (see other mixes below)

Mix:

* 4 parts Absolut Citron (This is the backbone of the drink. For the lemon taste.)
* 1 part Goldschlager (Careful, not too much! For the gold flakes, the cinnamon taste is weakened later.)
* 1 part Bacardi 151 rum (Stop making that face, it's only 1/7th of the drink! For golden tint.)
* 1 part Everclear (Yes, you have to. It cuts the clingy effect of the cinnamon Goldschlager.)

Directions:

1. Decide how much you want to make. One liter will put four to five large men under the table, depending upon speed of ingestion and prior experience with hard liquor.
* You want to prepare it all at once for two reasons:
o Measuring out 1/7th of a single shot is pretty tricky.
o Once the bartender has participated in a few rounds, he probably isn't fit to tie his shoes, much less handle basic-division and icy glass bottles.
2. Take the amount desired and divide by seven to determine the size of each part.
3. Make sure you have enough Citron, you need four times as much vodka as anything else.
4. Shake Goldschlager well before measuring, this ensures more equal use of the essential gold flakes. Be very careful to use no more than one part Goldschlager, as the cinnamon taste is very strong and the liquid tends to gel, causing an undesireable aftertaste.
5. Use your own discretion when measuring out the rum. The desired color can be achieved with rum constituting as little as 1/8th, to as much as 1/6th of the drink. If you like rum, use a fraction more, the resulting color will be all the richer. If you don't, skimp a bit, just don't use less than 1/8th, and always use Bacardi 151. I cannot stress this enough. Any other rum will have a completely different diffusion ratio, as well as a different (and most likely disruptive) taste. Bacardi 151 is 75.5 percent alcohol, whereas most other rums contain far more fillers and toxins. Toxins are not a bad thing as rum goes, we simply don't want most of them in this drink.
6. No matter what you may wish to believe, you must use no less than 1 part Everclear for every 1 part Goldschlager. This is essential, in that the high-grade alcohol dilutes (or cuts) the thick Goldschlager, preventing it from clinging about your throat and mouth, resulting in a truly foul and altogether undesirable (not to mention cloying) cinnamon aftertaste.
7. Always provide a lemon with every drink. When consuming this mix as shots, the sour lemon juice perfectly slakes any lingering burn from the alcohol.
8. Pour mix into a sealed, freezer-proof container (some plastic will crack or shatter in the cold), preferably a glass-lined thermos. Chill thoroughly and always serve ice cold. If possible, frost the glasses you plan to use as well.
9. Always shake well before serving to ensure even distribution of gold flakes.

* Final mix is 106.57-proof (53.3% alcohol) when served straight up as shots. Also works well for mixed drinks. Some examples follow below.

bicostp (Guest) on 02/28/2007 1:17 pm

Those red and white hard candy peppermints help. They're great for sore throats too.

What over-the-counter medicine are you taking? I think the small red pills work well. (Suphedrine, I think, but don't quote me on the spelling.) They're non-drowsy, too.

Sometimes I find it easier to breathe with a cold when the room is cool and not humid. Coldness and colds aren't exactly the best pair, but you'll do anything when you desperately want to breathe again.

Steve (Guest) on 02/28/2007 1:28 pm

Wow I had the exact same thing a week ago! All I can perscribe is very spicy foods.

Dan the man (Guest) on 02/28/2007 2:09 pm

youre gonna need the bones of a chicken that was bludgened to death with a blessed ham, 2 cups of of bat blood, some cilantro (for flavor), An alter constructed mainly of hair and old legos, several popsicle sticks made in the shape of jay leno, and some 10w-40 motor oil. Now combine all the ingridients in a bowl and blend thouroughly. now set the bowl on the alter and hang the jay leno popsicle thing above the bowl. now chant "IM SOFA KING WE TODD DID" 3 times and drink the potion. Then all your troubles should go away.

SunnyD (Guest) on 02/28/2007 2:51 pm

ok, first you'll need the tongue of a cat-springer, the beak of a crab-cruncher, the claws of a left--handed weeblefetzer and an orange. fry it for half an hour at 300 degrees, and then toss it into a blender with a roasted alarm clock. blend and drink with a sprig of cilantro and a little paper umbrella 3 times a day for a week.

that takes care of lunch; now for the medicine....

Coey (Guest) on 02/28/2007 4:17 pm

My room mate had a cold last weekend, and a girl at work told her to eat two whole raw cloves of garlic and it would cure her cold. Well she did (I almost threw up watching her eat them)...anyway...she claims it helped. However, she did have smelly farts for the rest of the day!

James (Guest) on 02/28/2007 5:33 pm

1.The gall bladder of an Ocelot, with blood.
2.The eyeballs of a leopard Gecko.
3.The toenail clippings of the extremely. endangered matschie's tree kangaroo.
4.One cup of green chili peppers.
5.The nose hairs of chuck norris.
6.The ground up bones of Tex avery (for consistency)

Beat the gall bladder to a nice chunky pulp,then dice the gecko eyes into very thin strips. Let that mixture sit for a few minutes while you saute the tree kangaroo toenails and chuck norris' nose hair in a pan of blood from the ocelot bladder. Then when that is cooled, add the gall bladder/gecko eye goop with a sprinkle of the bone powder of tex avery.

After it has cooled completely, apply the substance to your nose and forehead while chanting the holy tomes of a pink floyd lyric booklet from your brothers closet. This will either cure you, or give you a nasty case of "The screaming itches".

James (Guest) on 02/28/2007 5:35 pm

sorry, forgot to mention that you have to ingest the green peppers orally.

Guy (Guest) on 02/28/2007 7:41 pm

I take no responsibility if you actually try this:
1 Dosage robitussin
1 Shot cranberry vodka
"some" Kool-Aid fruit punch, to dilute.
Pour into large amount of powdered ice, permit ice to absorb liquid. Drink as a slurpee. May induce hallucinations, and will definitely make you feel better.

Garrett (Guest) on 02/28/2007 8:58 pm

My recipe is as follows,

1. petrified baby souls (rock candy) don't want to eat it anymore do you?
2. Half a pound of hot peppers *Note* this also works by itself, the real point is to make you forget that you have a head cold. All it really does is make you wish for the sweet release of death.
3. Pop-rocks and coke, Even though you would have to eat/drink barrels full of the stuff to explode,
It'll definetly make you release gas (Burps or otherwise) and hopefully remove some phlem.
4. The juice from a Magic Eight Ball, this is really more for the mysterious effect rather than doing anything at all *Note* This will probably require a good old-fashion stomach pumping, if not... you might not need the peppers.
5. ...There really is no five, This is pretty much your own spot. So go nuts, nuts like a Kuhli loach... In fact, the Kuhli Loach is number five,
Fry it, saute' it, whatever you want, just make sure that you kill it first.

I'd suggest that it would be taken though a gigantic funnel, like an oil changing funnel, and make sure you eat it all at once.

Well, thats my recipe, hope it helps...

LemonWitch (Guest) on 02/28/2007 10:41 pm

Wasabi. Drink, smear it on the roof of your mouth, and smear liberally in nasal cavety.

This will scare the cold away, and drain valuable snot and tear reserves, forcing the retreating cold to dehydrate into a wee rattling spore that you then sneeze out. Aim for thte sunlight, as the shriveled cold will then scream in it's falsetto, waving one spindly, skeletal arm in futility as it melts away.

Works every time.

Blodigar (Guest) on 03/01/2007 12:01 am

Two solutions, one of them I do not suggest.

(1) Coca cola, and Mentos.

(2) a box of Rosemary. Happy sniffing.

P.S. whatever you do, don't sniff a Zombie's cucumber unless you want to be a Boker's bitch.

Keith (Guest) on 03/01/2007 1:16 am

In Jamaica, a voodoo priest cured my gout by giving me a swift, hard kick to the testicles. From what I read on Wikipedia, I'm not sure for a cold if a kick to the testicles or to some other part of the body would work. So just have some friends kick the shit out of you to be sure and the cold will go away.

Brian (Guest) on 03/01/2007 8:11 am

Whiskey and Hot Sauce...nuff said

Jonathan (Guest) on 03/01/2007 10:59 am

Just make up some grog, you'll need;
kerosene
propylene glycol
sulphuric acid
artificial sweeteners
red dye no2
rum
acetone
battery acid
scumm
axle grease
and/or pepperoni

Or just follow the recipe from another site, at least you can say you've actually had real grog.
http://arrrr.com/grog.shtml

Gognio (Guest) on 03/01/2007 11:34 am

THE HORN OF A TIEFLING
THE EYE OF A MAGE
IMPALE THE EYE UPON THE HORN AND USE THIS MAGIC DETECTION ARTIFACT TO LOCATE THE SEVENTH LOST BOOK, TAKE IT AND JUMP INTO THE BLOOD RIVER TO AVOID THE UNDEAD SCOURGE THAT WILL SURELY FOLLOW

RECITE THE WORDS ''CLATAOU VERATTA NICTU''

YOU MUST SAY THE WORDS EXACTLY

Daniel (Guest) on 03/01/2007 12:24 pm

Fresh orange juice, and a lot of it usually works for me. Vitamin C go go go!

Discord (Guest) on 03/01/2007 3:15 pm

The best way to clear a stuffy nose is to hum. Thats right, hum like a maniac chasing somone with a broked chainsaw. Try and hum through your nose if you can, just keep humming. The sonic vibrations will stimulate your snot membranes and flow will occur. Be sure to save any and ALL snot that excapes, as this is your soul leaving your body in corporeal form. After your sickness is over, return the snot to your body. Not orally or topically. Also, you can read your future by the color of your snot... Its been a while since ive seen the Madballs show, so I cant remember exactly how.

CJ (Guest) on 03/01/2007 3:51 pm

Hwy, RoG,
this is an old family recipe, cuz were wiccans and we use a lot of homeopathy.
1) boil a pot of water
2)pour lots of peppermint and eucalyptus essential oils. (find it in a herb shop)
3)when the water is steaming, put your head over the pot and place a damp towel over your head, forming a cocoon between your head and the pot.
This will dissipate the snot and scour out your sinuses.
Important: keep your eyes closed or you will irritate them with the steam.

this works very good.

P.S I just found boo berry in my Giant supermarket and i bought 8 boxes for 2 bucks. they had a sale.

spencerjg (Guest) on 03/01/2007 4:22 pm

just keep dinking alcoholic beverages until you throw up,the puke will run thru your nose,you will feel sick after words

sylvia (Guest) on 03/01/2007 4:24 pm

WHEN I HAVE SINUS ALLERGIES OR HEAD COLD I TURN TO MY ZYTEC D-12HOUR, THAT HELPS ME BREATH MUCH BETTER AND RELEIVE THE PRESSURE FROM MY HEAD. IT MAY DO WELL FOR YOU ALSO!!!! SKM

Gus (Guest) on 03/01/2007 7:50 pm

1.drill head through skull.
2. grab cold stuffs
3. done

lumpisan (Guest) on 03/01/2007 8:03 pm

all we needis a paladin of at least level 6 with a cure disease scroll.... works every time

Lone Wolf (Guest) on 03/01/2007 9:48 pm

Butterscotch.

BiggerJ (Guest) on 03/02/2007 1:14 am

Have a small child cry into a cup of your urine. Add a spoonful of lemon juice, and add blood to taste.

richard (Guest) on 03/02/2007 8:48 am

hmm...a cold eh? Yes...i think all you need is to take a bath in the blood of 100 virgins... :p its really hard to type since im typing with mahogany nintendo Wii...teehee,sorry,just thought i`d let you all know

-RoG- (Guest) on 03/02/2007 10:50 am

These were some great suggestions guys. So great that I combined them all into one SUPER COLD TREATMENT. I'm pretty sure the cold is gone! I'm also pretty sure that I'm no longer alive. But hey, at least the cold is gone!

MEK (Guest) on 03/02/2007 5:48 pm

Horay!

James (Guest) on 03/03/2007 4:21 pm

Huzzah!

Jo Andrew (Guest) on 12/01/2008 3:15 pm

A combination of 1 part GIN and 1 part fresh LEMON or LIME Juice should do the trick... specially if the cold comes with an itchy throat. CHEERS!!!!