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This ain’t your daddy’s I-Mockery no more.

Bacony I-Mockery Makes Every Bite Better!

Hello gentle reader, and welcome to my new blog. (Can I call you gentle? No? How about silky? Does that work? In the event that you're not silky or gentle, substitute "rough and tumble".)

It's hard to believe, but I've been writing for I-Mockery for just over seven years now. My first two submissions were Visionary Darkness articles posted on the same day, one about the year 2000 presidential election and one about the new Transformers toys. Looking back on them (please don't), I find them kind of embarrassing now. Yes, like all women before me, I've come a long way, baby. And now I realize that last sentence makes me sound like a woman. I could totally hit the backspace button and you would never know I typed it that way, but for some reason I'm still typing forwards and words are coming out on the screen. Well, I can assure you, I'm not. A woman, I mean. I'm not even silky, which is more than I can say for you, I'm afraid.

The fact that I find some of my old stuff embarrassing is proof of two things:

1) I've grown and changed a lot as a writer during that time (or I at least think I have). More importantly, I-Mockery as a whole has grown and changed a lot in that time, and this redesign is physical evidence of that.

2) If Roger hasn't fired me by now, he's probably not going to. So I've got tenure, baby! That's right, you're stuck with me. So strap yourself in and enjoy, and don't pay any mind to the sudden vibration in your chair - I've merely inserted a quarter and hit the "magic fingers" button. (What, there is no magic fingers button on your chair? Then what in the hell did I just stick a quarter into? Let us... let us never speak of this again.)

These new blogs are all part of a 12-step plan to encourage more active participation from our readership, continue to increase the number of regular visitors, and god willing, sober up Max Burbank. It's an ambitious plan, I know, especially that last part, but you can help out by getting involved in the discussions. Hell, you don't even have to register to respond to the blog posts, but if you don't, I'll automatically assume you're an impostor of the previous person who posted under your so-called "name".

2008 should be the best year yet for I-Mockery, so I hope you guys stick with us and enjoy the ride.

You totally looked back at those two articles I asked you not to, didn't you?


note: If you haven't already read the details about all the changes I-Mockery just went through with the launch of the big redesign, you can click here to view them.


User avatar

Albino Bat on 01/04/2008 12:54 am

I'm far too lazy to go looking for those articles... and don't one will ever know our little secret.


BoMToons (Guest) on 01/04/2008 1:07 am

Why must you ramble on so? :P

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Fluke on 01/04/2008 1:09 am

We all love you so much!

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-RoG- on 01/04/2008 1:33 am

Speak for yourself Fluke, for years I’ve been researching ways to ice that bastard and make his death look like an accident. Only reason it’s taking me so long is I want to make sure that, while it looks like an accident, it’s as painful as can be for him.

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Protoclown on 01/04/2008 1:49 am

Albino Bat, I should have known that laziness would prevail, and for that, I am grateful. Bless you, sir.

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Angryhydralisk on 01/04/2008 1:54 am

I seriously feel good about this year, and I'm just three days in!


Murph (Guest) on 01/04/2008 4:46 am

It's nearly four in the morning here, so as you can clearly see, I have a lot of time on my hands and decided to look up the discussed articles.

Sweet sassy molassy, RoG. You have come a long way. We are all very proud.

Also, for the record, my hopes and dreams for i-mockery's 2008 makes me want to punch babies out of pure glee. I know you won't disappoint! Good luck for the new year!

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macrodeath on 01/04/2008 8:48 am

No, you're not a woman, you are a BITCH!!! Stealing Rog's blog and all... :(
But really, i love to read you're stuff. You're the best writer here (right after ROG).
I've been fan of Mockery for over 2 years now and it's still the best website ever...

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incognit000 on 01/04/2008 9:19 am

You're definitely a lot better now than you are seven years ago. Keep going! I'd love to have an opportunity to write for I-Mockery like you do. So don't waste it!

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thecatillaccat on 01/04/2008 10:47 am

I was a bad little errand-gopher. I...looked in the fruit cellar. God help me, I looked in the earthen floor of I-mockery's fruit cellar and saw your old articles, Proto.

May -RoG- forgive me for what I have unleashed upon this earth.

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doopa on 01/04/2008 11:31 am

I've said this before, but I am super excited that you other guys will get to make blog posts now. Just another thing to read to kill boredom at work! yay me

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macrodeath on 01/04/2008 11:48 am

Doopa has a big poopa and it makes a big stink... :)

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mburbank on 01/04/2008 12:08 pm

Proto, demon alcohol is but one of my vices. And while I have curtailed my activities with age and fatherhood, the brain damage I incurred in youth will serve me the rest of my life. THAT is called 'planning ahead'.

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Mullon on 01/04/2008 3:23 pm

Hmmm...bacon and pickles.

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Albino Bat on 01/04/2008 4:34 pm

For the record, it's ma'am ;)

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-RoG- on 01/04/2008 4:54 pm

I always knew Skeletor was female!

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Nick on 01/04/2008 7:15 pm

Oh, Protoclown! You brute! How dare you tarnish this blogs Chastity!

Oh a more serious note, while I have been reading this site for years (and a few blog posts under same name here and there) I have to say this new design made the site so user friendly that I just couldn't help but sign. Even if it was just to mock blog posts.

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Pentegarn on 01/04/2008 9:23 pm

Great, now I have to look at the author when I read the blog to see who is telling my easily manipulated what to think.

I agree with what Nick said though, the new design is more user friendly, it made me sign up too.

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Pentegarn on 01/04/2008 9:24 pm

Bah, that should have read "my easily manipulated mind", now it doesn't.

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Albino Bat on 01/04/2008 10:55 pm

Heck yes he was! The whole time he was only looking to get into He-man's pants >_>

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Dr. V on 01/05/2008 6:00 am

I loved the Duke Nukem humor.

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Entreri21 on 01/05/2008 11:16 am

Does this mean we have to have an intervention for Max?

Ugh, those things are always so awkward....

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Rohjin on 01/05/2008 11:47 am

An intervention for Max? Will that involve pickles and bacon?

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Spruce Moose on 01/05/2008 12:33 pm

"Silky"? You smooth talker, you.

I'm not too, by the way. A woman. That is. Or even gay.

Jesus, how'd I dig a hole this big, this fast...

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Entreri21 on 01/05/2008 5:58 pm

With a silky, female, gay shovel, Spruce Moose?

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Spruce Moose on 01/05/2008 11:20 pm

Now that you mention it, it does have a rather frilly pattern painted on it...

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Invisible on 01/06/2008 3:18 am

I've been reading for two years now and always get excited to read your stuff. ;-). I am loving the new site design.

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Entreri21 on 01/06/2008 3:58 am

BTW, I can't help but think that your name references a TaleSpin episode, Spruce...

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Protoclown on 01/06/2008 11:22 am

Albino Bat, my apologies. Don't I just have the egg all over my face? (Why oh why do I love that expression so much?)

Max, truly you have put much planning and preparation into this. I bow to your skills, sir (or ma'am).

And do the rest of you: thanks for the feedback, and welcome aboard to all of the new sign-up-ees.

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Spruce Moose on 01/06/2008 1:38 pm

It's actually a Simpsons reference, Entreri, but TaleSpin is pretty awesome too.

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Autrach Sejanoz on 01/06/2008 11:57 pm

You've come a long way since your earlier articles, Protoclown. For that, humanity is thankful.

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