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In Which I Consider The Writer’s Strike

We're on strike until somebody takes a better photo of us!

As the writer’s strike enters its third month, I stand in solidarity with my brothers and sisters on the picket lines, whom ironically I am making more money than for the first time in my life. Internet writers are like the redheaded bastard stepchildren of magazine writers who dream of someday suckling from the lavish teat of television and film writers. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I did get to write the words ‘lavish teat’ and publish them, something certain people I went to college with who now write for late night TV shows and think they are better than me can only dream of.

Until the strike ends. At which point the status quo will return. In the meantime, if work keeps up I will have made about $475.00 dollars that they did not.

Still I stand with them, as I will always stand for workers and against bosses. True funny story: My maternal great grandfather was exiled to Siberia for being a trade unionist, where he eventually died of old age, malnutrition and the cold. Okay, maybe not that funny, but if I’d let on it was a soul crushingly tragic story you might not have read it. The point is, your boss would send you to die in the Arctic Circle in a heartbeat if he thought he could get away with it. This is why, though I am not a member of the Writer’s union, though I am merely a non-union freelance internet writer, I would never cross a picket line unless I was offered serious cash to scab. Or access to nutritious craft services food tables. Or praise.

So STRIKE ON, fellow writers who when working get paid way more than me! I’m right beneath you!

As for you, the audience, very soon there will not be a damn thing on TV you shouldn’t be ashamed to watch. Now’s the time for you to cozy up to your old pal, use our handy new search feature and peruse every damn word me and my comrades have ever written. And if any of your so called ‘friends’ or alleged ‘family’ are mindlessly watching reruns or mainlining lie detector humiliation based reality shows, tell ‘em “HEY! It’s all brand new comedy over at I-Mockery, and it’s guilt free, ‘cause none of them dudes ever made it far enough to even be IN a union, let alone go on strike.


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Ausohj on 01/09/2008 12:07 pm

hmm...there is an ad for Writers Jobs towards my says I can find jobs fast that pay £20k-£50k (I'm stationed in England)
Maybe those writers should read I-Mockery more in their new-found free time and then head across the Atlantic...

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Pentegarn on 01/09/2008 12:55 pm

I have been watching some of the late night talk shows since they have all came back sans writers and my friends and I all agree that they are in trouble after the first week when they have dried up the well of "writer's strike jokes" they will likely have nothing left.

I, having of course already read everything ever written here :P, am turning to DVD box sets for my TV fix.

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thecatillaccat on 01/09/2008 2:37 pm

I've been reading I-Mock for seven years or so now, so I can't come here for the fix. Hell, I don't even NEED the fix. I don't have cable or satellite, and never will. Havent for years. Who needs it? I've got teh interwebz!

I support the strikers, as they do deserve their profits. And Sulu is taking part, that's another reason. But it makes little difference to me one way or another. I've got box sets and YouTube. So HA!

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arg_zombies on 01/09/2008 2:45 pm

What are they striking about again?

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Type40 on 01/09/2008 3:37 pm

Y'know, ‘lavish teat’ would be a GREAT band name...

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GRUMPYNZ on 01/09/2008 4:11 pm

As a journalist I often dream of using the phrase "lavish teat" in my articles. I'm so jealous!


Adam (Guest) on 01/09/2008 4:50 pm

That's ITS third month. Grammars plz.

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Dr. Boogie on 01/09/2008 5:17 pm

People, please. You should have seen this entry before Rog went through and cleaned up the more severe spelling/grammatical errors. I'm amazed that man can still see.

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-RoG- on 01/09/2008 5:54 pm

Yeppers, I don't need that "Brain Age" game for the DS or anything... my brain always gets a great work out thanks to good ol' Max's stuff!


Poop on a Stick (Guest) on 01/09/2008 6:12 pm

I wonder if there's ever going to be any BRAND Max Burbank products. Now that's something I'd cross the picket lines for.

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Protoclown on 01/09/2008 6:37 pm

I support the writers...just as long as season 4 of LOST doesn't get fucked up as a result of this. :O

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DungeonB on 01/09/2008 7:00 pm


by jove, that show is so damn confusing

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CarpetGnome on 01/09/2008 9:58 pm

I wish I could get paid too much, then complain about it not being enough. Time for them to man up and get back to writing the same thing, over and over, so that "John Q Public" can enjoy the "new material".

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bicostp on 01/09/2008 10:13 pm

By going on strike for so long, haven't the writers lost more income than they stood to gain with the contract changes they're demanding? (Don't the contracts get renewed every 3 years, or something like that?)

I'm getting tired of reruns.

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incognit000 on 01/09/2008 10:38 pm

Considering how crap TV shows are...

Shit, I gave up on cable. I don't care about the strike, outside of the fact that my pirated Daily Show and Colbert Report are now significantly less funny.

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Nick on 01/09/2008 10:41 pm

I have no idea what they're even striking about.

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Ronin S on 01/10/2008 12:30 am

That's sad hearing about your great granddad. If it weren't for unions, we'd all be working for 2$ a day without safety equipment, or lunch and toilet breaks if it weren't for unions, so I completely understand the strike.

But with YouTube, Podcasts and ever other technological distraction out there, it might be a while until they get a new deal.

The writers are demanding a percentage of royalties from when the shows are aired through various media. Right now they're only paid for TV royalties alone. It's kinda like you writing a book and only getting paid for book sales, but not even being able to ask for royalties on a movie based on your book. That would suck balls.

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mburbank on 01/10/2008 9:34 am

Ronin, right on baby. I am a knee jerk union man under any circumstances, but here it's totally clear cut. Regardless of quality, the bosses feel they should get 100% of 'new media' profits, whatever they turn out to be, and the writers should get 0%. Fuck that. Also, management is always richer and therefor should be subject to being eaten without warning.

All that being said, I am shocked and offended that I haven't seen one single offer to scab. What, don't these producer bastards have the internet? They should be knocking down my damn door!

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Ronin S on 01/10/2008 10:34 am

I think if they were to scab, both the people hiring them and the guys doing the scabbing would have their information posted and be subjected to a public shaming. Eggs, TP and fire would probably be involved (actually, that would make for good entertainment). Maybe they're afraid to contact you, knowing that the independents might publicize the scab offer.

Besides, they're still getting all their money from reruns and all that other new media which the writers are demanding a piece of. And sit back and laugh as they light their cigarettes with 100$ dollar bills. Do reality shows need writers?

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mburbank on 01/10/2008 10:38 am

Reality shows do indeed need writers. Along with editors, they select which clips to use and 'shape' the storyline you see. It will be interesting to see what 'American Idol' (the only reality show I watch) is noticeably affected.

And truthfully, I'd never scab, for fear of damaging my hopeless dream of one day working for more money.

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Dr. Boogie on 01/10/2008 4:47 pm

Speak for yourself. As someone who has no desire to get into the entertainment business, I think scabbing could be a good time. Sure, I've never written for a TV show before, but hey, I'm willing to work if they're willing to sign the check. And if I suck, well then I've just given the striking writers more leverage.

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Autrach Sejanoz on 01/11/2008 12:32 am

I'm right behind the writers on this one.

BTW, love the Chakan avatar, Dr.Boogie.


Hyatari (Guest) on 01/12/2008 2:05 pm

It's very sad that this affects people in England, if only because our current TV output is absolutely godawful.

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Fat_Hippo on 01/13/2008 3:54 pm

Writers Strike? Pfft, big deal! At least over in America you might actually NOTICE if the writers are striking: Over here in Switzerland no one would. All we've got are a couple of crappy german sitcoms about nuns and detective series, forcing everyone to watch American TV in german (whcih pisses me off like you wouldn't beleive, not because it's American, but because it's in German). but since we're pretty much always 2 seasons behind you, people won't notice in the least. Besides: Unions are always fucked anyway.


bigfishmarc (Guest) on 01/13/2008 6:18 pm

Hyatari, you think you guys have crap "telly" in Britain? Sure, the BBC might be a soul-sucking monstrosity, but at least the British people have better things to watch then reality television!


Simon Love (Guest) on 01/14/2008 12:51 am, 'REALITY' shows aren't real either???
Is my own life scripted?

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