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1st Floor Elevator Users


I don't know if it's simply bad luck or what, but anytime I'm in our elevator lately, I keep getting stopped by somebody on the first floor before we make it down to ground level. You know, people who actually feel the need to use an elevator to travel the equivalent of one flight of stairs. I know, I know... there are starving people in the world and my problems with riding in an elevator aren't that big a deal in the grand scheme o' things, but hear me out.

First off, I live on the top floor of a four story building and I already feel pretty lazy whenever I ride in the elevator to get to the top or bottom floors. I could easily sprint up or down the stairs and make better time than our elevator, which I swear is powered by stoned turtles in a tar pit, but I still use it regularly. Sure, sometimes I'll have a bunch o' groceries in hand or something like that, and an elevator always makes those situations easier, but generally speaking, it's not hard to take the stairs in our building and a lil' exercise never hurt anybody.

This, of course, brings me to the people living on the first floor. Why the HELL must they constantly take the elevator!? I could literally jump over the railing and land on the bottom floor and be perfectly fine... that's how close to the ground level these people are. Yes, if there are elderly people who have trouble walking, I can obviously understand their need to use the elevator to get to and from the first floor, but most of these first floor people who keep interrupting my elevator rides are in perfectly good shape and often younger than yours truly.

If you live on the first floor of a building and you're able to walk, don't take the elevator. You're not living in the movie Being John Malkovich, and nothing exciting is going to happen to you by riding on the elevator - unless you count my yelling at and/or pummeling you - so don't do it. And yes, I know of the whole "bypass all floors" elevator trick, but it doesn't work on this particular elevator as ours doesn't have a close door button... and it still doesn't change the fact that these ultra-lazy first floor people should just take the stairs anyway.

Do any of you frequently experience these first floor dweller annoyances too?


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Doctor_Who on 02/12/2008 3:10 pm

Fist comment? Woo!

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Doctor_Who on 02/12/2008 3:11 pm

Oh, and 1 floor elevator user suck!

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some girl named lauren on 02/12/2008 3:12 pm

I cannot believe the extent to which I agree with you on this. I work on the 20th floor of a building; I use the stairs whenever possible. And when I leave to go home and the elevator goes almost all the way down then stops on the first floor, I want to cry a little.

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Styled Executioner on 02/12/2008 3:15 pm

well done at being first, idiot.

As a rule of thumb I don't use elevators at all, I'd rather have a quick run up or down the stairs (I don't get much exercise anyway).

The only time I'd use an elevator is if the building had anything more than half of a mile of stairs and I needed to get to the 54th floor or something.

Coming down the stairs always allows some awesome, cool banister sliding anyway.

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Despotofks on 02/12/2008 3:28 pm

Have you ever tried looking at those people that are getting on and saying "sorry, I just farted. I didn't think anybody else would be getting on the elevator going down on this floor" ? That way, you get to annoy and insult them at the same time.

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Durin413 on 02/12/2008 3:51 pm

I admit it, I am often guilty of doing this. Partially because I don't like the stairs in the dorm I live in, and I often must carry things and I prefer an elevator for stuff like that. And I'm lazy. On the other hand, I make up for it by walkin about 20 min to the meal place, and all over the damn campus for classes.


Big Mac (Guest) on 02/12/2008 4:00 pm

Man, I live in a 10 story dorm. Any one who lives on the third floor or below is almost physically forced off the elevators. Except the guy with one leg. But even he is cool to the point that he takes the three flights.

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wobzire on 02/12/2008 4:32 pm

The elevator at my work is so fast that I avoid it for fear of shitting myself.


bloodyegg (Guest) on 02/12/2008 4:35 pm

Yeah, there are tons of 1st-floor elevator-riders in my building at work...I work on floor3 and take the stairs if at all possible.

what's this "bypass all floors" trick you speak of?

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-RoG- on 02/12/2008 4:47 pm


On many elevators, if you press and hold the close door button along with the button for the floor you want to go to, it will bypass all the other floors on the way up/down, even if somebody else on the outside tries to push a button to get the elevator to stop on their floor. There are other tricks too depending on what model the elevator is (and you can look 'em up online I'm sure), but this is one of the most common ones.


Eric (Guest) on 02/12/2008 5:16 pm

whenever i'm out with my stepdad at these dorms where he refills vending machines i see it..every freakin time.

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plooker on 02/12/2008 5:30 pm

I like the fart idea. Kudos to you.


shannon (Guest) on 02/12/2008 5:39 pm

just point out to these people who try to get on at the first floor the Inspection Certificate that expired in what was it? 2006? 2007? 1997? all i know is its outdated and it scares the crap outta me so maybe you can scare these people into not using the elevator.

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KillerMcGee on 02/12/2008 6:02 pm

the history department at my university is the "4th" floor of a building, I say "4th" because it goes 1,2,M,3,3,4,4 and of course it is on the top 4. Still, I never take the elevator because it is slower than constipated dog shit and always stops on M. no matter what. to make matters worse people are frequently getting off at 2, and sometimes it randomly goes to the basement. i think its a trick by thyssenkrupp. friggin nazis. literally. at least they made these:

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GRUMPYNZ on 02/12/2008 7:21 pm

I hate people that use the elevator to go to the first floor!! Having said that, i did it once...
I swear i felt so hated by everyone in the elevator - i could feel their angry eyes pierce my soul and condemn me to hell.

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Marthaeus Autolykos on 02/12/2008 7:32 pm

You can make flyers to put on the outside doors of the elevator, with a picture of the nastiest-looking fat person you can find, and this message: "This is you, riding the elevator. Take the stairs, fatty."

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Ronin S on 02/12/2008 8:17 pm

Out of curiosity, is the gym pictured in the link below across the street from you?

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-RoG- on 02/12/2008 8:35 pm

shannon, yeah the inspection for our elevator expired in July of 2007, so every time you ride it is an adventure!

GRUMPYNZ, now that's something I strongly encourage... giving people those angry eyes that say "you're a pathetically lazy sack of flesh." is a great way to stop them from using the elevator to go up/down one floor.

Ronin S, if you're asking me, nope, there's no gym across the street from my place, nor does that even look familiar to me and I know most of the gyms in our immediate area. o.O

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Count Mek on 02/12/2008 9:18 pm

I gotta try that trick next time I get on an elevator, but they are hard to come by around here, because you Americans have so much more things than us Brits... >.>

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Colonel Flagg on 02/12/2008 9:23 pm

I can relate. Every time I'm out on business at some centrally located high-rise, I'm situated about half-way up the building - and every stinking time I try to get to the ground floor, some jackhole stops the elevator at 1. It's usually some 50-something suit who can't be bothered to use the stairs like one of the hoi polloi. I effin' HATE these guys.

Maybe I'll try the farting trick.

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Ashmodai on 02/12/2008 9:33 pm

That kind of crap happens to me all the time. I'm riding from the 1st to the 6th floor and these bastards decide to just ride the elevator up on floor. One of these days....


C.C. Comet (Guest) on 02/12/2008 9:51 pm

You people are lame. God invented elevators so people wouldn't have to use legs, thus keeping them in better condition, reducing mileage, and increasing their future resale value. A good set of unused elevator legs goes for a lot on the market these days. Have you checked the Blue Book value for a set of '81s? Man, sweet.

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StormDragon on 02/12/2008 10:47 pm

RoG- I think Ronin was just trying to say that the people in your building are the sort of lazy people that would want an escalator outside their gym. Unless you did get the joke, in which case, I am an ass. This is entirely possible. i-mockery is awesome, BTW, I have some of your " gave me something shiny. now I am happy." stickers, complete with a HAND WRITTEN thank you on the back of the envelope. That's the love, right there.


Andrew (Guest) on 02/12/2008 11:38 pm

I think this whole complaint is pointless. If you moved to the fourth floor in a building, you pretty much signed-on for the exciting world of elevator usage. The fact that it's going to stop on every floor can be experienced in a busy hotel, where again, you can expect numerous and yeah, annoying stops. First floor or fifteenth, it was your voluntary choice to accept it. Move out if it bothers you and/or start using your elevator trick (which I thank you for!)

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chemquat on 02/12/2008 11:51 pm

i lived in an 8-floor dorm in college, and i lived on the 2nd, then 4th, and then 8th floors.

when i lived on 2, i had a few rules about riding the elevator: only after hours, only going up, and only if there weren't other peeps waiting for it. that's what i called being *considerate*.

even on the 4th floor i preferred the stairs, they were much, much quicker.

and when i lived on the 8th? death to any little girls who couldn't walk one freaking flight.

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Jeff The Ninja on 02/13/2008 12:28 am

i used to live 12 stories up in a hi rise apartment.

i took the fucking stairs and im a fatass.

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Dungeonbrownies on 02/13/2008 1:49 am

honestly, if you want to be a bastard, all you haev to do, is go to the first floor...
in the middle of the night...
and put a bit of yellow tape around the door to the elevator.
maybe a little sign that there has been an electrical hazard and people stepping off the first floor have been shocked and an old man was hospitalized because he was fat and had a medallion and seared his nipple like an overdone sausage bit on a pizza and if anyone tries to use it on the first floor, they too might lose their nipples. ~signed-your landlord [you can actually write that and theyll believe you]
yes... it might just work.
that or itd be an insane insane insane joke.
either way it might slightly reduce your woes.
or put you as the building bastard.
anywho, itd be fun.
and a great minimock if you felt like it.


Silver (Guest) on 02/13/2008 2:58 am

My last job was at an hotel (I just quit two weeks ago) and I remember that there was a flight of stairs next to the lobby that you could take to the next floor where all the rooms for special events are. The thing is that the hotel gets plenty of events and one time a rather big, yet not obese lady asked me (I worked as a front desk clerk and I HAVE READ what Protoclown said about CLERKS a long time ago, I agree with you bro) where the Mezzanine Floor (the name for that floor) was. I told her to take the stairs next to the lobby to arrive. The answer? Well there you go:

"And what can we do to eliminate those stairs?"

No need for me to explain that the woman in question waited for a LONG time before the elvator came back for her (yes, the other bunch of assholes coming to the event where doing the same thing) in order to get to the next floor with not a single drop of sweat coming down from her deep armpit.

Now, just as -Rog- said, I understand that there is a lot of people who has problems taking the stairs due to special situations like personal helath problems or due to age, but when people is just lazy one would like to put a bullet in their foreheads for not wanting to raise their feet a few inches in order to get TO THE NEXT FLOOR.

No further comments.


Paul (Guest) on 02/13/2008 4:30 am

Sounds like that child is well on her way to becoming a vapid soul. With fathers like that its no doubt there’s a fertile ground for porn. Pissing away time writing the stupidest appeal I’ve ever read instead of spending the time when children remember EVERYTHING teaching and even learning new things with your child.

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Nick on 02/13/2008 6:26 am

I have an unrelenting fear of being stuck in an elevator, so I can't say I've had this problem.

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shroomfest on 02/13/2008 8:29 am

Its crazy how lazy people are willing to be,if they got stuck for a few hours in a lift going to the next floor it would be some nice poetic justice of a sort.


Pretzel (Guest) on 02/13/2008 2:13 pm

Uh...Paul? Wrong thread there, buddy...

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Pretzel on 02/13/2008 2:16 pm

Woops! Forgot to log in =P

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Moranzollamas on 02/13/2008 3:10 pm

The building at my work only has three floors, and most people still use the elevator. Its pathetic.


Bass (Guest) on 02/13/2008 4:10 pm

I couldn't help noticing the very subtle mockery of the blind folks: the braille in the "alarm" label is mirrored.

Or more likely, the photo is real, the label is transparent, and the person to install it just did not bother to check whether the dots were on the outside.


Kevin (Guest) on 02/13/2008 5:52 pm

When I was in college, I lived on the "4th floor" of my dorm. I say "4th floor" because the building only had three floors until they decided to turn the attic into additional rooms. They were actually pretty nice though because the space was oddly shaped and meant that we had bigger, quiter rooms. But the elevator only went up to the third floor. If I had a lot of heavy things with me, I'd take it as high as I could then climbed the rest of the way. The rest of the time, I used the stairs exclusively because it took too long to do both. The result was a solid year of good, daily exercise.

Since I'm thinking about it now, I'm about to leave work and I believe I'll take the stairs from my 11th floor office.

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saturnknight on 02/13/2008 7:10 pm

what's confusing is sometimes they refer to the second floor as the main floor, if that's true, then what's the first floor if the secind is the main floor? Last i knew floor 1 was what the rest of the building was on, why not let floor 1 be the main floor?

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Fear N Loathing on 02/13/2008 8:15 pm

I used to live in a build where the lazy scum-monkeys would stop on the 1st floor... I used to make an effort to rip one loose... a nice large stinky one... pants-breaker if you will... I could always tell when the elevator would be grinding to it's eventual stop on floor numero uno... and when that would happen, I'd try like hell to cut one before the door was open... occasionally it would work and I'd have the glorious experience of the look on their fat lazy assed faces of smelling my taco bell for the 3 or so minutes... ahhh nothing quite like it....

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saturnknight on 02/13/2008 8:25 pm

its even better if you begin telling a story about how you really beat on someone the night before or something like that, just like the person getting on the elevator just walked into the middle of the conversation

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Jaimas on 02/13/2008 10:26 pm

I take the stairs because I prefer the exercise.


Azrael’s blue stool (Guest) on 02/14/2008 2:22 am

I lived on the top floor of a 6 story apartment complex. My elevator hell came about because of some family's devil spawn of a child broke the only elevator not once, not even twice, and think again before guessing three times but a total of 5 times (on one occasion a lady with her baby got stuck between floors) because his idea of a good time was hitting all the floor numbers ALL DAY LONG. And this was all during just one summer. Finally they were evicted because they were growing pot in one of the bedrooms but at that point my legs were strong enough to pull an ox cart from all the stair trips. Because of this incident I won't take the elevator for anything less then two stories.

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Pandajuice on 02/14/2008 6:14 am

I always take the stairs whenever possible, no matter how many flights. There's something about standing still in a dirty, musty, little box with strangers when you should be moving forward to your destination that feels odd to me. I've never been in an elevator that didn't smell a little bit funny and didn't tug at the back of your mind with, "what if this thing gets stuck or breaks?"

Nah, I'll stick with the tried and true stairs thanks.

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incognit000 on 02/14/2008 9:49 am

I used to work in a building where, in order to get the elevator to stop on floors 1-5, you needed a key. Yeah, it made it a bitch for me to move AV equipment up and down floors cus I had to go borrow that ONE key, but whenever I got to the elevator, it arrived quickly and there was lots of room.

Americans are fucking fat as it is, taking the stairs from time to time won't hurt. And if it does, then maybe you've got some personal problems you need to deal with.


Paul (Guest) on 02/14/2008 11:36 am

Pretzel: No, this is the right "thread".

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Geminate on 02/14/2008 11:58 pm

I don't know, those stairwells are creepy. If you don't find a human corpse there you find lots of other dead things, animals, insects. Who's great idea is it also to use the stairwell as a urinal and sometimes worse? Thugs also hide/live in there in the shadows, tends to be a lot of lights out too. The other unsavory people that hang out in stairwells are the nicotine addicts, with their scary faces belching smoke like dragons. I think I would rather be raped/beaten/mugged in the elevator thank you and stepping in someone's or some thing's excrement isn't my idea of saving time.


atavism (Guest) on 02/23/2008 2:53 am

These first floor lift users are under-developed primates who's infatuation with modern technology inhibits their brains from the realization that their existence is one that composes primarily of annoyance to members of an evolved state, such as you -RoG-.....(they really just ride the elevator to indulge their urge to push to floor buttons, and to feel the "whoosh" that comes when the elevator starts moving)

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