g_tonttu on 04/11/2008 3:22 am

Mmm...I like how you Share MAX... makes me feel special.

Who of us have not walked dogs outside gay bars?

Thanks for sharing, and caring.

Pentegarn on 04/11/2008 4:41 am

If you are looking for a solid way to take advantage of us I suggest you start a thread where you claim you are in the air force and you don't make enough money to care for your sick and enfeebled family members. Then you can open up a paypal account and rake in the cash as we gullible rubes donate to your cause.

Or, you could tell us you are part of the Spanish lottery and we have won! Oh happy day! And all I need to do is give you my account info? I am gonna send you a PM with my personal info right now!

Ashmodai on 04/11/2008 7:06 am

I'm touched, at least someone cares.

Zaphod on 04/11/2008 7:59 am

So, "Raymundo", I've found you at last. Oh, you don't know me, but you might remember my sister.

Svetlana? The Bearded Lady? "I promise to take you away with me" you said. "Of course I'll pay for the operation!" you said!

Well, she's still waiting, still hoping....and still a hermaphrodite. We are beginning to think it was all just a lie to get her to lend you her razor.

Bastard.

greenimp on 04/11/2008 8:00 am

"And I know you can trust me because I will always tell you the truth with the exception of those times when I am telling you things that are not true at all. But you won’t know, and that’s what makes our relationship ideal."

ignorance is bliss ;)

Tom Foolery on 04/11/2008 8:10 am

Don't worry Max, I'm not going to emulate you. You got a fine Curmudgeon Franchise going, but I'm kind of like the Del Taco to your Taco Bell. But we spread loathing and apathy as opposed to cholera and dysentary. Anyway, well said Mr. Burbank and well played. 'To a World of Cranks and Misers!'

Jigby Huggletinks on 04/11/2008 9:31 am

Pentegarn's idea is far too complicated, I feel, for you, the Lord Burbank, deserve our cash without explanation.

Simply ask for it, and tell us how you want it: paypal, check, money order, tens, twenties, hundreds, nickels even? Whatever lengths, I shall go to them for my Lord Burbank.

Colonel Flagg on 04/11/2008 10:04 am

I agree wholeheartedly, to give you all of Jigby's money.

mburbank on 04/11/2008 10:12 am

Listen, anyone who wants to invest in my future potential is more than welcome to, cashwise. Should I ever find a book publisher or agent, I'll list your name as a contributor in thanks. Beyond that, I can't promise jack, and lets be honest, I can't really even promise that since I don't have a book publisher or agent. Surely somebody in my fan base has a trust fund they'd like to deplete. Send me a PM and we'll talk.

Jigby, you're not going to come kill me someday in order to meet Jody Foster, right? Not that I wouldn't be okay with that, I just have some loose ends to tie up first.

Desert_Screams on 04/11/2008 10:52 am

I can't possibly, possibly, model my life after you, Max. You are inimitable. And besides which the terms of my parole-- after that thing, you know, with Keith Richards, and that submarine-- require us to keep at least three states between us at any given time.

SunnyD on 04/11/2008 2:25 pm

Juarez huh? I live in El Paso and that's ten minutes from there. I like to think I met you once, screaming for that most unholy of demons to spring free from the first mate's body. Except of course Juarez is landlocked and in the middle of the desert. But still, I'd like to imagine you on a raft floating down our miserable little river and in the throes of exorcising that demon, you truly believed it was a freighter.

I'm not sure though, I did a lot of drugs back then.

Roggs on 04/11/2008 4:03 pm

I know what you mean, Max. Those standardized tests in 'pubic' school were indeed pretty hairy.

Misty (Guest) on 04/11/2008 5:54 pm

After all these years I found you, you bastard! I was on the bumper cars one night see, and when I was getting off I heard a voice say "pssst, hey kid, I got candy back here!" so of COURSE I ran back behind the ride to get FREE CANDY only to get touched by you on my "special places" that mommy said no one can ever touch.

I HATE YOU MAX!! ;_; *EMO*

GLX-Mr. Ordinary on 04/11/2008 8:28 pm

Burby is my hero and yet every time i read his thoughts i feel dirty and cheap. just knowing there won't be breakfast in the morning or a good bye. Just the 2 dollars he leaves on my night stand. KEEP up the good work you 're Blogs inspire us all.

Dungeonbrownies on 04/11/2008 9:09 pm

we actually used to have a gaybar on mainstreet, it called itself, "the rainbow room"

Protoclown on 04/12/2008 1:45 am

Max, your writing is one of the few joys I can get out of the shallow, wretched, meager thing I call my life.

I shudder to think of the grievous horrors I might have to visit upon your person should you ever stop.

Jigby Huggletinks on 04/12/2008 3:15 am

I cannot kill you, my lord. The Burbank is immortal.

Jody Foster is nothing but a red herring.

I still, to date, have absolutely no idea what that expression means, nor do I have any desire to seek out its meaning, but I heard it in a few movies, and always wanted to use it.

Kitsumi (Guest) on 04/12/2008 3:58 am

red herring = a superfluous revelation in a story designed to throw you off from the actual conclusion.

Kitsunexus on 04/12/2008 4:16 am

Kitsumi is me btw...and I am NOT a girl...so...umm...I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.
BABABABABABABABABA.

mburbank on 04/12/2008 8:35 pm

God bless you all. Now send me some damn money.

autodidact on 04/13/2008 2:30 am

Your writing style seems to be perfect for the Clinton campaign. Give them a call. Of course that's just a temporary position...

Dungeonbrownies on 04/13/2008 4:29 am

Actually M Burbank, what do you do for a living? [like, really, because unless youre ultra popular and live off the vast amounts of ad money, you gots to get a job cuz no moneys=no honeys]

Colonel Flagg on 04/13/2008 5:30 am

Slightly off topic, but, uh, autodidact, you just suggested Max work for Hillary's campaign .... might I suggest you RUN LIKE HELL!!!

Jaimas on 04/13/2008 11:04 pm

Max, your style of writing shows an artfulness and technique that belies your true genius. Truly, your columns are nothing shy of a work of brilliance and I will personally shank anyone who says otherwise.

Autrach Sejanoz on 04/14/2008 1:33 am

...I’m an aging female wrestler down on her luck living with friends in Boca Raton, eating Chinese take-out and using their internet connection to sucker rubes like you.

Max, are you actually Joanie Laurer (AKA Chyna) using a pseudonym?

mburbank on 04/14/2008 8:46 am

Did I say Wrestler? That's a typo. It should have said Roller Derby.

mburbank on 04/14/2008 12:09 pm

And yes, as Flagg points out, I detest the Clintons. Way back when Bill first ran for office, he was my least favorite Democratic candidate out of the near dozen that ran. I find his spouse cut from utterly the same cloth.

Travis (Guest) on 04/28/2008 12:21 am

Max, you are silly
I've read nearly every article you put on this site

Snooky (Guest) on 04/28/2008 7:12 pm

You're a woman?

I love you. Love me. Tonight! PLEASE!