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One Otter to cool them all!

As the weather gets warmer and warmer in the summer months, there's one thing that we're all likely to indulge in more often: ice pops. Yes indeed, on a super hot day, those frozen treats can sometimes be the only thing standing between you and certain death. With an ice pop in your hand, you can laugh at the heat. With an ice pop in your hand, you can hold it high above your head as if it were Excalibur as you shout at the sun, "Gimme your best shot pal, I can take it!" With an ice pop in your hand, you control your own destiny!

Ok, well maybe your experiences with ice pops aren't quite so centered around such violence and drama, but I think we can change that. Today it is finally time to put some infamous icy treats up against one another for all out war. Oh yes, today it is time for...

Otter Pops Armageddon! One Otter to cool them all!

Otter Pops! Louie-Bloo Raspberry, Strawberry Short Kook, Sir Isaac Lime, Poncho Punch, Little Orphan Orange and Alexander the Grape. You cannot deny that you have a favorite Otter Pop and now it's time for you to prove why he or she is the best of the bunch. The question is simple: If all the Otter Pop otters were to engage in battle, which one would be left standing and why?

As usual, make sure you've backed up your choice with supporting evidence before you perform a verbal coup de grace on the other otters. After all, if you choose a weaker otter, he/she won't be able to protect you from the physical onslaught of the otters you impetuously dismissed. For the record, I've seen what these otters can do to somebody who they're pissed off at and believe me, you do not want to get on their bad sides.



Jesse B (Guest) on 05/31/2007 12:05 pm

Alexander the Grape.

Reason? Look at the others?

Louie-Bloo Raspberry - French

Strawberry Short Kook - Too busy getting it on with this guy. She hit rock bottom long ago.

Sir Isaac Lime - Busy trying to find out to freeze faster.

Poncho Punch - Singing about his lost love that got eaten by RoG! YOU BASTARD!

Little Orphan Orange - Hanging around getting change in SF.

In closing, Alexander the Grape is stealing your wife/girlfriend/love interest. Right now. Go look. and cry in the shower.


teknotheef (Guest) on 05/31/2007 1:06 pm

Little Orphan Orange. Not because she is the best tasting, or the toughest, but she is too cute to attack, and then, when the other least expect it, she can sic that viscous looking dog on em, and spill their juices all over.


Chris Gray (Guest) on 05/31/2007 2:02 pm

Blue icepops


Chris Gray (Guest) on 05/31/2007 2:05 pm

Forgot my reasons for picking Blue. D:

My reasons for this is because of how calm he looks in the image. You just know that hes plotting. Also, the french are a dangerous bunch :O


Chris Gray (Guest) on 05/31/2007 2:14 pm

Green might have a chance too, I mean look at that big grey mustache :O

It simbolises that he is full of wisdom and wise to the ways of the world, we must respect him.

Last post i swear


Joe Red (Guest) on 05/31/2007 3:23 pm

C'mon, Alexander the Grape is the only one with combat experience. I mean, he led the Grape army to conquer the known world. Granted, Orphan Orange has an attack dog, but after a diet of gruel and water I doubt it would be able to put up much of a fight.


Normi (Guest) on 05/31/2007 3:44 pm

Poncho Punch would win. He (I assume it's a dude)has the best weapon: a guitar. Sir Isaac Lime has technology and Alexander the Grape has an entire army and empire so they'd be the most difficult for Poncho to defeat but nobody can beat the power of rock. Poncho can blast a tasty jam and blow everyone away! And rockers have the power of Satan so Poncho has Hell and everything in it on his side.


Blodigar (Guest) on 05/31/2007 3:52 pm

I'll say that Poncho Punch would win only because he looks Like Wilford Brimley(that's right I liked cocoon!).

P.S. Why are you making so many "Who would win in a fight" posts RoG? Is it because your getting antsy about the new Super Smash Brothers Brawl game comming out?


rimmie (Guest) on 05/31/2007 5:15 pm



Jake (Guest) on 05/31/2007 6:22 pm

I say Sir Isaac Lime because his name seems to have no real pun whatsoever and i feel soory for him.......If he were named Albert Limestein at least it would be something....

little orphan orange is a close second though, crazed eyes


reaper_ocelot (Guest) on 05/31/2007 7:08 pm

I say Sir Isaac Lime because his name seems to have no real pun whatsoever

how bout Sir Isaac Newton?

I choose the grape one because, he's got a army and i like grape.


Jesse (Guest) on 05/31/2007 7:08 pm

Its a close call between Sir Isaac Lime and Pancho Punch, in the end I have to go with Pancho Punch. I have seen a lot of western movies, and its always a mistake to underestimate the guy with the sombrero. Also, his last name is Punch, so you know he has a mean left hook.


Evan Walsh (Guest) on 05/31/2007 9:49 pm

Sir Isaac Lime. Why? Macho mustache. Oh, and he has a telescope/lightsaber.



ColdFusion (Guest) on 05/31/2007 10:10 pm

God DAMN I love freezy-pops.. Except I prefer Fla-Vor-Ice. Sorry Otters, never had ya. I can say that I've had other brands besides these 2 mentioned and they sucked... but I loves me some Fla-Vor-Ice. Makes you so coooool... though it numbs up your mouth and the aftertaste is a problem. XD


Sammy t3h Snake (Guest) on 05/31/2007 10:28 pm

Well, you have to look at this. You see, if the 5 other characters had been recently descriminating against Louie-Bloo Raspberry for being French, they could all combine their super powers into Mega Otter by standing on top of eachother in this order from bottom to top: Grape, Orange, Strawberry, Punch, Lime. They would eventually fall after a vigorous fight, with Isaac Lime falling and dying because he is all old and crappy and he had fallen the farthest. Alexander the Grape would die too, because he would be squished by all of the others. Poncho Punch would die because he lands the wrong way and the guitar smashes right through his skull. Strawberry Short Kook, judging by her name, is retarded, so she would fall and never get up. This would leave Little Orphan Orange and her evil puppy. The puppy mauls Louie to his berry berry painful death (GET IT??), while Orphan Orange does some girly-slaps. As Louie is smelling a flower, he is damaged heavily, but the duo seems to forget that Frenchmen have POODLES! Louie-Bloo Raspberry's poodle comes out and explodes on contact with the other dog, leaving all surrounding cities in flames, due to the severity of the poodlexplosion. So, thus, I say... Louie-Bloo Raspberry won, because he died last.


HowardC (Guest) on 06/01/2007 12:55 am

It seems pretty obvious to me that poncho punch would win. He has a guitar and is apparently Mexican. Not only that but he has a big, goofy hat! If watching quick-draw McGraw cartoons, old Zorro re-runs and Antonio Bandares films has taught me anything, it's that guitar-weilding, funny-hat wearing latinos are virtually immortal! Ka-BONG!!!


Scorpio420 (Guest) on 06/01/2007 1:05 am

Alexander The Grape. Here's why:

Louie-Bloo Raspberry: Wears a beret, which makes him French. And at the first sight of conflict, we all know how the French act...

Strawberry Short Kook: Probably used her "good looks" and slept with all the other combatants to gain an advantage. But I see through her phony attempts...

Poncho Punch: What are you going to do, sing me a song? Thin Lizzy you're not. How about take that guitar and (CENSORED)!

Sir Issac Lime: With your telescope, I see defeat in your future. Give up now...

Little Orphan Orange: Nobody cares about you. Period.

Alexander The Grape: Full of infinite wisdom and power. He knows all and sees all. Maybe a secret agent of one "Mr. Claus" who lives up north, perhaps?


hERRATIK (Guest) on 06/01/2007 5:01 am

Wish I could delete my first post, but here's the riveting response in all of its edited glory...

I gotta go with strawberry short kook on this one. Think about it: the Otters will all fight while she stands around topless in her hooker-shoes; later, who’s “taking care” of the winner? That’s right, Slutty McSlutterson herself: Strawberry Short Kook. After weasling her way into Alexand- uh, I mean, the winner’s life, she’ll just use his frequent absences (i.e.- work, walking the dog, conquering upstart nations challenging the throne)to take advantage of his money and power to suit her own greedy, horny ends; don’t even get me started about the “Short Kook” part of her name. She doesn’t look much shorter than the other otters, (Almost as tall as Pancho, see?) so that must mean she’s broke (a little short..) and kooky! A needy, crazy, topless female otter? I smell a winner.


JessieM (Guest) on 06/01/2007 5:23 am

Sir Issac Lime- his telescope is obviously a concealed weapon or a transformer from the new movie. Either way he's the only one that bothered to bring something that can do damage. Poncho only has a sissy guitar that would break after one hit. Plus everyone knows people with mustaches are evil and can cause a lot of damage- Hitler, Stalin and the 118 runners prove this. Also he's not wearing any clothes! Beneath his gentlemanly exterior lies a crazy lunatic (The ultimate warrior perhaps) who will tear the others to pieces and use their innards to decorate his lawn. You have been warned.


Guy (Guest) on 06/01/2007 9:42 am

Poncho Punch- that guitar is actually a submachine gun.


JB (Guest) on 06/01/2007 10:25 am

everyone knows that Newton being the one to make the law of gravity can control it and his otter counterpart can surely do the same thus green wins because he controls gravity.


Aks (Guest) on 06/01/2007 10:47 am

I have never heard of Otter pops. But it looks like Alexander the Grape could kick some ass. He'll send icy gladiators everywhere to kill anything that gets him mad. Oh yeah!


MrEff (Guest) on 06/01/2007 11:13 am

Little Orphan Orange wins. Why, you ask? Do you know why she is an orphan to begin with? She burnt her house down and killed her own parents. The when she went to the orphanage she burnt that down to, killing all the other children.

She's a stone cold killer, who will feed you to her dog given half the chance.


Ammy (Guest) on 06/01/2007 12:09 pm

Just look into Little Orphan Orange's eyes. You see that cold, taciturn stare? She's got a demon in her. She'll go postal any second now and none of the other happy saps will see it coming.


Codiekitty (Guest) on 06/01/2007 7:07 pm

I'd go with Alexander the Grape because of what Aks said.

I just read your article on the Nintendo Worlds of Power books, and was wondering if you knew that the Blaster Master one, or at least parts of it, was actually accepted as canon. You know all that stuff in Blaster Master: Blasting Again about the alien Eve and her planet that was destroyed by the Plutonium Boss? Well, that's all from the book, granted it's a lot less corny in the game.


Will (Guest) on 06/02/2007 12:00 am

Couldn't be simpler: Sir Isaac Lime.

As we can plainly see by the glasses, telescope, mustache and name, he is a brain. This isn't saying much among otters, but I assume it would be enough to recognize that being in the freezer is good, while being outside almost certainly spells doom.

A rudimentary catapult constructed from bags of frozen peas and frostbitten, long forgotten Fudgecicles would be all Isaac needs to send the other otters to their liquidy, sticky deaths on the kitchen floor. With the others gone, Isaac would be able to claim the rich rewards of being the final Otter Pop... The glory of being eaten on a "so hot it's stupid" day.


Nick (Guest) on 06/03/2007 4:42 pm

Sir Isaac Lime, because he knows how to keep the hoes standing on the corner.


RockyRaccoon (Guest) on 06/04/2007 8:58 pm

Little Orphan Orange would win. That Dog is a vicious attack killer for sure.


RADIX (Guest) on 06/04/2007 9:27 pm

The orange one, cuz it's always the diminuative children slaughtering everybody.

Yeah...just like "Children of the Corn".


I… am… A MOOSE! (Guest) on 06/05/2007 5:01 pm

Pancho definately. He's bound to have a gun under that dirty mexican tarp, and he can always call up his gang members to ufck you up sideways!
(Ha, I avoided saying a dirty word cleverly.)


Joe (Guest) on 06/07/2007 12:19 am

everyone knows Poncho Punch will take the cake. he is the only one that wields a weapon. plus i need to get one of those neat t-shirts


OMFG (Guest) on 06/11/2007 5:54 pm

If watching too much celebrity deathmatch has taught me anything, it's how to determine the outcome of a slaughterfest. Fun! So here's how it would probably go down.

Louie- Isaac lets loose a swarm of bees (he's an intellectual, he probably has bees) that are drawn to his flower. The bees sting his head until it swells up and pops.

Strawberry- Out of petty female rivalry, Orange rips off her feet, gouges her in the eyes with the heels of her shoes, then twists her head off.

Isaac- Pancho grabs his telescope and melts him with it (I'm not sure if they're ice or flesh, but for the sake of the next death, let's just say they're ice).

Pancho- Charges at Alexander, but slips in the puddle that was Isaac, and proceeds to land and impale himself on his guitar.

Orange- Alexander wraps a cat o' nine tails and pulls, slicing her head apart.

Alexander- Oranges dog goes Kujo and proceeds to chew through his stomach, tearing him in half.

And the Winner is... The Dog!

Moral of the story: Never trust the dog.


macewindu210 (Guest) on 06/12/2007 10:00 pm

It would have to be either green or grape, because grape has an army and green has technology.


Azrael (Guest) on 06/13/2007 12:54 am

Poncho Punch would win. He is Mexican, and if Grindhouse taught me anything, it is to NEVER piss off a Mexican.
"They f**ked with the wrong Mexican! MACHETE!"


Arabian Knight (Guest) on 06/15/2007 9:26 am

Little orphan orange has that columbine look in her eyes. Notice that she's topless as well. I have a feeling she would kill everyone while they are sleeping with a kitchen knife bought on QVC if given the chance.

But since it's all out combat, Mu fuggin Alexander the Grape dude. Cmon, the dude has olive leaves behind his ears, anyone that does that has to have kicked serious ass in their times.


ShadowNinaj (Guest) on 06/21/2007 1:12 pm

What if the damn pops came after us! Run RUN they know where weak!


briny bill (Guest) on 08/03/2007 3:28 pm

the blue guy he tasts the best


munkey =p =) (Guest) on 02/25/2008 8:09 pm

ALEZANDER GRAPE or ISAC LIME. Alexander the grape was one of the most sucessfull military commanders in history (and this him as a purple otter O_o) And ISAC NEWTON was an alchemist (WOOT!) a mathematition, a scientist, an astronomer, and a natural philosipher (again, him in limey ottery goodness) So he could invent like a giant death ray or something to DESTROY THEM ALL!!!!!!!! And plus bolth taste really good personally id prefer blue =P =) )


munkey =p =) (Guest) on 02/25/2008 8:11 pm

i meant alexander the great


DB (Guest) on 06/04/2008 12:44 am

It has to be Strawberry Short Kook. The men will all fight each other but she will back out because she is a girl. but that little orphan will jump into the fight because she has a death wish. I mean, look at that sad face and she has no family. But all but one of the men will die and the last one will be seriously wounded... how hard would it be for her to knock of one wounded guy? not that hard at all...

Strawberry Short Kook wins!


Jordan (Guest) on 06/06/2008 6:10 pm

Little orphan orange would win. Look at her, she's so sad because she has no parents. You know who else doesn't have parents? Batman. Enough said.


Tempest (Guest) on 06/06/2008 6:19 pm

The orange one for sure, but you gotta look at Poncho Punch, he could have a beretta, four grenades, and a 44 magnum, and you wouldn't even know it...although, according to The Mighty Boosh, it's impossible to be sad in a poncho.

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