• Blog Home

• RSS feeds

• Blog RSS feed
• Comments RSS feed

• Search the blog

• Search by Author

• -RoG-
• Dr. Boogie
• mburbank
• Protoclown

• Archives

• September 2019
• February 2019
• June 2018
• November 2017
• October 2017
• September 2017
• August 2017
• July 2017
• June 2017
• April 2017
• March 2017
• February 2017
• December 2016
• November 2016
• October 2016
• September 2016
• August 2016
• July 2016
• June 2016
• May 2016
• April 2016
• March 2016
• February 2016
• January 2016
• December 2015
• November 2015
• October 2015
• September 2015
• July 2015
• June 2015
• April 2015
• March 2015
• February 2015
• January 2015
• December 2014
• November 2014
• October 2014
• September 2014
• August 2014
• July 2014
• June 2014
• May 2014
• April 2014
• March 2014
• February 2014
• January 2014
• December 2013
• November 2013
• October 2013
• September 2013
• August 2013
• July 2013
• May 2013
• April 2013
• February 2013
• January 2013
• December 2012
• November 2012
• October 2012
• September 2012
• August 2012
• July 2012
• June 2012
• April 2012
• March 2012
• January 2012
• December 2011
• November 2011
• October 2011
• September 2011
• August 2011
• July 2011
• June 2011
• May 2011
• April 2011
• March 2011
• February 2011
• January 2011
• December 2010
• November 2010
• October 2010
• September 2010
• August 2010
• July 2010
• June 2010
• May 2010
• April 2010
• March 2010
• February 2010
• January 2010
• December 2009
• November 2009
• October 2009
• September 2009
• August 2009
• July 2009
• June 2009
• May 2009
• April 2009
• March 2009
• February 2009
• January 2009
• December 2008
• November 2008
• October 2008
• September 2008
• August 2008
• July 2008
• June 2008
• May 2008
• April 2008
• March 2008
• February 2008
• January 2008
• December 2007
• November 2007
• October 2007
• September 2007
• August 2007
• July 2007
• June 2007
• May 2007
• April 2007
• March 2007
• February 2007
• January 2007
• December 2006
• November 2006
• October 2006
• September 2006
• August 2006
• July 2006
• June 2006
• May 2006
• April 2006
• March 2006
• February 2006
• January 2006
• December 2005
• November 2005

• Links

• I-Mockery Home
• I-Mockery Forums

• Powered by WordPress

Bionic Bigfoot: The Incredible Drag Racing Sasquatch Beast.

by -RoG- on 09/07/2012, 11:26 am

So I found quite an amazing little gem of a monster toy at the Rose Bowl Flea Market not too long ago. I had been walking around in the blistering sun for a few hours and then I saw it: Bionic Bigfoot ready to burn rubber down the highway in his own special drag racing vehicle!

For those of you who aren't familiar with Bionic Bigfoot: The Sasquatch Beast, he was a character that appeared in a few episodes of The Six Million Dollar Man. More importantly, he was originally played by none other than Andre the Giant. In other words, Bionic Bigfoot is the greatest sasquatch in pop culture history. I'm sure you love Harry and the Hendersons 'n all, but as much as you may adore that flick, it didn't feature a bionic sasquatch... let alone one that was portrayed by Andre the Giant. That said, I certainly wouldn't mind seeing him in a buddy cop flick with Suburban Sasquatch. I'd call it Copsquatch. You can't tell me you wouldn't pay top dollar to see a monster movie like that.

In his first slow-motion, sound effects riddled encounter with Steve Austin, Bionic Bigfoot uproots a tree and pummels him with it. Then his arm gets ripped off and he still manages to jump over a lake. I can't jump over a lake with both arms. Bionic Bigfoot is better than me and he's better than you. This is a monster character who clearly should be brought up in conversation at least once per day during the Halloween season. It's your duty to figure out how to make this happen and then report back to me about how said conversation went down. Here's one example:

CVS Pharmacist: "Hello. Are you here to pick up a prescription?"
Me: "I'll say! I need some serious pain medication. I fell off my bike and now my entire body feels like it was pummeled by Bionic Bigfoot!"
CVS Pharmacist: "Bionic who?"
Me: "Bigfoot! You know, the huge beast from the Six Million Dollar Man show back in the seventies?"
CVS Pharmacist: "Sir, I'm 19 years old, have no idea what you're talking about, and my boss is getting mad at me because there's a long line of customers forming behind you."
Me: "Well let's get that line moving then... we wouldn't want your boss to go all Bionic Bigfoot on your ass!"

Make it happen, people.

Now I had been hoping to find a Bionic Bigfoot toy at a flea market for quite a while, so stumbling on this particular one (in such good condition no less) really made my day. If you're wondering why he's on that little drag racer, it's because he was originally part of a Six Million Dollar Man dual launch drag racing toy set. You would pump up Steve Austin's vehicle along with Bionic Bigfoot and then let 'em rip see who would win in a drag race to the death. My money's on the sasquatch. Always a safe bet. Besides, his ride appears to be powered by jet engines, so you know this monster beast is one hell of a mechanic. I'll take his ride over the DRAG-U-LA or the Munster Coach any day of the week.

Just the idea of a sasquatch in a drag race, especially a bionic one, is pretty amazing to me. I guess if you can't settle your differences by pummeling the Six Million Dollar Man with a tree, you can always challenge him to a drag race.

Ahh, the monster toys of yesteryear... so much right in so much wrong.

16 comments

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website

Available BBCode: [b] = bold, [i] = italics, [u] = underline,
[img] = insert image, [url] = insert hyperlink. See the full list.

Previous post: Wanna See Something Really Scary? I-Mockery’s 2012 Halloween Season Has Officially Begun!
Next post: The Artwork For “Halloween III: Season Of The Witch” Collector’s Edition Is Awesome.