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orbitz-the-lava-lamp-of-the-beverage-industry-still-exists

Orbitz, The Lava Lamp Of The Beverage Industry, Still Exists!

by -RoG- on 01/15/2008, 2:41 am

Orbitz!

You should all know by now that I'm a huge sucker for novelty food and beverage items, so it should come as no surprise when I shout to the heavens about how ORBITZ LIVES AGAIN!!! Now before I get ahead of myself, let me explain a little bit about this amazing fruity beverage from yesteryear. Orbitz was a non-carbonated drink that was released by the Clearly Canadian company back in 1996 and featured colorful edible balls which lay suspended in the liquid. The balls were able to "defy gravity" like this because they were the same density as the liquid and had some help from the gellan gum ingredient. While the Orbitz drink itself wasn't as bad as some people made it out to be, it didn't last long in the marketplace and was sadly discontinued. That hasn't stopped it from garnering a cult following over the years however, and you can still find old bottles of it for sale on eBay (though I wouldn't recommend drinking them at this point - if you're gonna get 'em, just put 'em on display for your friends and family to gaze upon with awe). (more...)

115 Comments

hey-comic-nerds

Hey, Comic Nerds.

by Protoclown on 01/14/2008, 3:59 am

Discover the feeling... learn to read.

Now before you get your Wolverine panties in a bunch over me calling you nerds, you can rest assured that I'm one too. Now that we have that out of the way, a lot of people have inquired about what comics I read on a monthly basis. I mean, it's pretty obvious from my Longbox columns what comics I don't like, but what ones do I actually enjoy reading (or hate myself enough to keep buying)?

So I figured I'd share my "pull list", and then maybe you can show me your "pull list", and then maybe we can go somewhere private and pull each other's lists for a while. (more...)

61 Comments

my-new-aquatic-pets

My New Aquatic Pets

by -RoG- on 01/11/2008, 2:14 am

We <3 Cryptobiosis

Before I went to college, I used to have pets all the time. Cats, fish, reptiles, bugs... you name it. While all the other kids were dreaming of becoming astronauts and baseball stars, I was 100% certain that I wanted to become an entomologist. One of my hobbies was catching black widow spiders in jars and then showing them to my friends, impressing them with my vast knowledge of arachnids. "See this one here? See the red hourglass symbol on it? That means it can kill ya!" Yes indeed, I was well on my way to a rewarding career in entomology. (more...)

56 Comments

damned-new-years-resolutionists

Damned New Years Resolutionists.

by Protoclown on 01/09/2008, 6:24 pm

Sweatin' to the Oldies!

You know what annoys me the most about this time of year? New Years Resolutionists. There's always someone at my work who's decided once and for all to change their lifestyle and go on that diet, but within a week they're back to gorging themselves on whatever free shit just happens to be up for grabs on the free-for-all counter in the kitchen.

These people are so not-serious about changing their lives that they have to actually wait around until the big event, the ball drop, the calendar flip, even though they started cooking up their Grand Scheme of Change on December 11th; it just wasn't time yet. Gotta have that one last hurrah, that last holiday supper of Henry VIII proportions, that one last prostitute with an eye patch, potbelly and wooden leg. Only after they've gotten it out of their system will they be ready. I'm tired of hearing people talk about it. (more...)

34 Comments

in-which-i-consider-the-writer%e2%80%99s-strike

In Which I Consider The Writer’s Strike

by Max Burbank on 01/09/2008, 11:37 am

We're on strike until somebody takes a better photo of us!

As the writer’s strike enters its third month, I stand in solidarity with my brothers and sisters on the picket lines, whom ironically I am making more money than for the first time in my life. Internet writers are like the redheaded bastard stepchildren of magazine writers who dream of someday suckling from the lavish teat of television and film writers. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I did get to write the words ‘lavish teat’ and publish them, something certain people I went to college with who now write for late night TV shows and think they are better than me can only dream of. (more...)

26 Comments

golden-globes-canceled-oh-noes

Golden Globes canceled!? Oh noes!!!

by Dr. Boogie on 01/08/2008, 1:22 pm

Golden Globes Cancelled! Oh no? Yay? Meh?

Recently, one of my coworkers informed me that the Golden Globe awards had been canceled. Obviously I was positively distraught. How, I asked him, will I be able to go about my daily routine knowing that I'm going to miss the Golden Globes this year? He then tried to explain to me that the Golden Globes is a very important event that "affects everyone." I was curious, so I asked how it was going to affect, say, me for example. He backpedaled and explained that he was talking about the entertainment industry, and so I concluded that it has no effect on people outside the industry. Not so, he assured me, and soon, all the people around me were trying to explain just how important both the Golden Globes and the Oscars are to not just the entertainment industry, but the entire world. (more...)

47 Comments

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