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the-new-cobra-commander

The New Cobra Commander?

by -RoG- on 04/03/2009, 2:41 am

Oh I get it... it's a G.I. Joke! Cobra La-la-la? Nay. Cobra Ha-ha-ha? Indeed.
(click to enlarge)

I'm sure you've all heard about the "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" movie that's due out later this year. Well, feast your eyes on the above photo because that is apparently the new face of Cobra Commander. Somebody sent me a link to an eBay auction where it was selling for way too much and I couldn't believe this was the new face of Cobra. When I first heard about them doing a G.I. Joe movie, I obviously had my doubts, but then images of some of my favorite characters started popping up online and I was surprised that they looked pretty good. Take Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow for example.... both of them actually looked fairly similar to the original characters I was obsessed with as a kid. Even Destro has a metal head in the upcoming film, and while I doubt his lips will magically move like they did in the cartoon, he at least looks decent. So what the hell happened with Cobra Commander? Why did they feel the need to fuck with his classic depictions when the creators of the new movie seemed so intent on keeping all the other characters so close to the originals?

Look, there are only two truly iconic ways to show Cobra Commander: 1) Wearing his hood. 2) Wearing his mirror-faced battle helmet. But that's not what we're getting apparently. Instead, we're getting a guy who looks like a veteran frequenter of your average s&m club. WHYYYYYYY!? (more...)

85 Comments

in-which-i-let-it-burn-because-i-like-it-burned

In Which I Let It Burn Because I Like It Burned.

by Max Burbank on 03/28/2009, 1:40 pm

All aboard!

Gentle reader, at this moment I am keen to let twin trains of past and present obsessions collide. The engines meet face to face at exactly equal velocity so that they rise up on their hind wheels while peeling apart and driving through; prismatic spirals of shatter glass, chrome, iron, hydraulic tubing, tungsten (the engines of my mind are always built primarily of tungsten).

Now the lead cars are also rising, pelted by expanding bits and pieces of both engines like meteors, perforating, crushing, collapsing, introducing chaotic elements into what nanoseconds past was perfect symmetry and then the shock wave dispenses with the subtlety of shrapnel and tears each lead car to accelerating, unidentifiable hot chunks. (more...)

21 Comments

the-best-feeling-in-the-world

The Best Feeling In The World.

by Protoclown on 03/21/2009, 7:44 pm

Feels so good!

After many painstaking minutes of research, I have discovered what the greatest feeling in the world is. Are you prepared for me to drop this knowledge on you? Do you think you can handle it? You may be surprised by its sheer simplicity. But therein lies its power. And the best part is, we've all experienced it.

It is better than winning the lottery (or so my research tells me). Better than drugs. Even better than receiving head from a surprisingly skilled nun. (more...)

50 Comments

happy-st-patricks-day-drunkards-plus-shamrock-shakes-guinness-cupcakes

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Drunkards! Plus, Shamrock Shakes & Guinness Cupcakes!

by -RoG- on 03/17/2009, 12:30 pm

Use the force, Warwick!

If you're currently able to read this, you're doing better than many people I know who are already puking up green fluids galore. So before you drown yourself in green booze or shamrock shakes, share with us some of your St. Patrick's Day plans. Or, at the very least, use this blog as a replacement for the inevitable drunk dialing you do on this day every year and then spend the next two months making apologies for. And watch out for that damned Leprechaun. Just knowing that he has a light saber now is pretty fucking scary if you ask me.

UPDATE: Shamrock Shake Located!

McDonald's Shamrock Shake and Guinness Cupcakes!

So we went out earlier today to get a genuine Shamrock Shake (aka: the only reason to ever go to McDonald's in my opinion) and we decided to stop by Yummy Cupcakes in Burbank as well. Lo and behold, they had their own St. Patrick's Day themed cupcakes. Chocolate mint chip cupcakes and, believe it or not, Guinness cupcakes. That's a meal and a drink all in one. They even had cupcakes topped with Lucky Charms. And they say Irish cuisine is awful? Pfft...

24 Comments

the-hummingbird-spy

The Hummingbird Spy.

by -RoG- on 03/10/2009, 1:45 pm

UPDATE #2: In addition to the video footage I got of 'em the other day, I just put up a new hummingbird feeder so they'd be more inclined to come back regularly and it worked like a charm. Hit the jump and then scroll down into the comments section to see some photos of one o' the hummingbirds pigging out. (3/14/09)

Bird... James Bird.

For a long time now, there's been a hummingbird who keeps flying up to my window and spying on me while I work. I'll never understand why he finds me so particularly interesting. Maybe he knows that I've had a hummingbird feeder in my closet for almost 2 years now and have yet to set it up so he can drink its sweet Kool-Aid-like nectar. It's one of those projects that requires me to remove the screen from my window, drill a hole in the side of the building, dangle from the ledge while trying to hang the feeder up and hoping to hell that I don't fall three stories down to my death where people will find me with a broken neck and covered in red hummingbird syrup. Not exactly how I'd like to leave this world, hence the procrastination.

Now, I've never been able to photograph the hummingbird in the past, because it would fly away before I had a chance to turn my camera on. That all changed today, when the lil' fella got even more ballsy (or perhaps, just lazy) and decided to sit on a small tree branch outside my window to do his spying from there... (more...)

37 Comments

in-which-i-cast-pearls

In Which I Cast Pearls.

by Max Burbank on 03/03/2009, 3:57 pm

A future masterpiece, just waiting for YOU to put it to good use.

Gentle reader, a colossal rainbow soap bubble of an idea has burst in my brain, or else I’m having a stroke, and in any case the concept is too unmanageably huge for me to dream of actually executing it, busy as I am with all the various what not of my day to day. And so, rather than madly tossing the baggage of my life overboard, throwing my arms wide and embracing it, but also unwilling to let it drift away, another cloud dispersing into the stratosphere of all the grand ideas I’ve had and then forgotten; I’ll sketch it out for you here and leave it; A blueprint made of cobwebs and synapse left lying in some virtual attic corner to be found during my eventual estate sale.

I have in mind a metaphoric tool for looking backwards over our shoulders at the collapsing twentieth century we are rapidly clattering away from and it works like this: (more...)

23 Comments

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