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The Miami Sound Machine And Halloween - Together At Long Last!

Yo go girl! Shake that bony moneymaker!

If there's one thing Halloween here in the U.S. could use more of, it's gotta be some Latin flavor, am I right? You bet your red, white and blue little jack-o-lanterns I am. Today, I discovered that the Latin invasion of Halloween 2010 has begun and I am here to welcome it with open arms and mojitos.

Over the years, I've seen my fair share of dancing animatronic skeletons, so seeing another one standing in a coffin was no big deal. Still, the little kid in me can never resist pushing the demo button, even though it probably drives the store employees batshit insane since they have to deal with customers like me who push every musical demo button in sight. If you're one of those employees, on behalf of all the children (and adults who think they're children) in the world: I'm sorry. We can't help ourselves.

You gotta understand though, this skeleton was different. This one had, dare I say it... it had SASS! It's true! Just look at it! I'm not attracted to skeletons in any way, but you can't deny that this skeleton is gesturing a bit too much, what with its hands on its hips and tilting its head ever so slightly. It's as if it's saying, "Hay baybaaaay, you like whatchoo see? I got whatchoo need!"

But nothing... NOTHING could prepare me for what was to come from pushing that little demo button:

That just happened folks. You can't unsee that. You just saw an animatronic skeleton do the conga. I repeat:


Happy Halloween? Damn skippy.



What Jason Voorhees Was Missing All Along: Strobe Lights. Time To Dance!

Psychos and strobe lights... together at last.

So I found this "Light Up Goalie Mask" in the closeout section at one of the local seasonal Halloween shops and I just couldn't help myself from buying it. True, I'm a big fan of Jason Voorhees as you already know, but the idea of him having a mask that lights up too? This is clearly something he's needed for ages. Just imagine how his victims would react if he approached them wearing a mask that had built-in strobe light effects. They wouldn't run in terror... they'd just stand there, hypnotized like deer in headlights by the rhythmic movements of his flashy mask, and that would make his job of killing them even easier. But let's take a look at the mask itself:

If you enjoy the comfort of a plastic block wedged against your forehead, then THIS is your mask!

If you enjoy the comfort of a plastic block wedged against your forehead, then THIS is your mask! I appreciate that they tried to put foam padding in it, but the battery pack definitely gets in the way. Granted, there aren't many places to put a battery pack, but i don't see why they couldn't put the foam padding on top of it, instead of below it. The wire to activate the mask is long enough that it can fit down through the sleeve of a shirt and be concealed in the palm of your hand. Unfortunately, there's no way to keep the mask lights going nonstop. The strobes flash for about ten seconds straight, so you have to keep pushing the button if you want to keep it going. Still, these are minor complaints when you only spent a few bucks on a Jason Voorhees mask that has built in strobe lights.

Since the mask has strobe lights, I guess the real question we have to ask here is: Have you ever wanted to see Jason Voorhees dance at a rave? Well, regardless of your answer, you're about to see him do that very thing. Hope none of you are epileptic.

You know, when I wake up in the morning, I usually have some general idea of what I'm going to be working on that day. I never predicted I'd be up at 2am dancing with Re in a Jason Voorhees hockey mask with built-in strobe lights.



The Most Amazing Product Description EVER.

My friends, you're in for a hell of a treat today, for I stumbled onto a costume accessory at the local Halloween Club seasonal shop that will absolutely astound you. This is something that has ravaged my mind for the past week and only now am I able to even muster the strength... no... the courage to post about it. What I thought was a mere pirate sword turned out to be much, much more upon closer inspection. Let's start with the actual product first:

Battery Operated Power Weapon - SWORD OF THE FUTURE!

You'd think it would be called something simple like "Pirate Sword" or "Pirate Scimitar", but no, they went with the far more intriguing "Battery Operated Power Weapon" instead. A name like that really makes you believe you're about to purchase more than a mere sword... you're purchasing a weapon with powers that are only limited by the quality of the batteries found within. And then there's the matter of the packaging artwork:

Wizard woman, who are you?

Who is this warrior woman who appears to be straight out of a Conan film? What is the sword doing to her? Is she drawing powers from it? What's with the bird perched upon her shoulders? Is her backstory something akin to The Crow, and now she's back for revenge with the help of her Battery Operated Power Weapon? All I know is, I would stay the hell out of her way, because when she's done having orgasmic reactions to her weapon, chances are she's gonna go out and murder people for fun.

None of this, and I mean NONE OF THIS compares to what I found on the back of the package. Click "more" to hit the jump and have your life changed forever: (more...)



Michaels Is Ready For Halloween: The 2010 Spooky Town Store Displays!

Michaels craft stores have been geared up for Halloween since early August!

If there's ever a sign that Halloween is right around the corner, it's when Michaels arts & crafts stores first put up their annual Spooky Town displays that cause me to stand in the aisle like a zombie in a trance for what seems like hours on end. I've discussed them in years past, and the lengthy displays of spooky miniature figures and settings, complete with sounds and animation, simply never disappoint. This year may have been their earliest jump on the Halloween season yet. I took these photos on August 11th, almost three months before Halloween even occurs, and as you can see, they had EVERYTHING out. Styrofoam tombstones, pumpkins, skulls, witch brooms, trick-or-treat bags... yes indeedy, Michaels was actually ready for Halloween that early on. I don't know who at their company makes the decisions about when to put up seasonal holiday items, but they clearly get it and I graciously tip my pickle hat at 'em. I took a bunch o' photographs of their latest Halloween merchandise along with some video of their 2010 Spooky Town collection, so hit the jump to see all the footage! (more...)



Stab The Pumpkins! I-Mockery’s 2010 Halloween Season Has Begun!

Greetings, ghouls 'n goblins! Welcome to I-Mockery's 2010 Halloween season!

Who here is thirsting for a tall glass o' spooky? I sure am. I'm as ready as I've ever been and this can mean only one thing: Halloween season has officially begun! In keeping with tradition, September 1st marks the beginning of I-Mockery's annual "Two Months of Halloween" celebration. Everything you see on this site between now and October 31st will be filled with monsters, horror movies, candy and any other Halloween-related things I can get my grubby hands on, so whether you're ready or not, it's time to start getting into the spirit of the season. I've said it before and I'll say it again... this is by far my favorite time of the year. Yeah, yeah... the winter holidays are fine and dandy with sledding and presents, but there's no greater gift than watching crazy horror movies while gorging on the spoils of a successful trick-or-treating adventure. You earned those gifts. You went out there and collected them yourself!

So yeah, I see no reason why Halloween shouldn't be celebrated for more than a month. One month just isn't enough, so we're gonna continue celebrating Halloween for two like it deserves, and there's not a thing anybody can do about it. Halloween was already rising up from the grave early this summer, and I'm happy to report I've seen a plethora of the seasonal shops popping up around town in the past month. Chances are it's the same case where you live too. And really, what other time of year can you find steady employment where you are asked to dress up as a monster and scare the crap out of people in a makeshift haunted house attraction? Bad economy be damned! There is no better time of year, my friends, and there's no better time to be hanging out here on the site with us to discuss all things Halloween. We're a big Halloween family, and now you're part of it.

We pride ourselves on doing Halloween better than anybody else on the web, so we've got all sorts o' spine-tingling things planned for the 2010 Halloween season here on I-Mockery. It's going to be a hell of a fun time filled with more random spooky goodness than you can shake a cheap, novelty dollar store severed hand at. That being said, if any of you have suggestions for Halloweeny things you'd like to see us cover, please let us know here in the blog thread or shoot us an email. It doesn't matter if it's a Halloween event taking place in your area, a horror movie, an independent seasonal costume shop, some new candy, or some completely bizarro new Halloween novelty... we wanna see and hear all about it, so please get in touch!

To those of you who aren't well acquainted with our annual Halloween celebration here on I-Mockery, I recommend you check out some of our main Halloween attractions. And hell, even if you've been with us for years, it wouldn't hurt to look back over all that old stuff to help get in the spirit o' things.

-I-Mockery's Halloween Collection: Here you'll find quick 'n easy access to most of our Halloween material from the past. Extremely in-depth horror movie and candy reviews, product reviews, and of course the boppin' Halloween adventures of Count Pop himself along with other oddities.

-The Halloween Grab Bag: Much like our "Shorts" section, this is a place where you'll find our smaller Halloween articles, but often covering some of the weirdest stuff we've ever stumbled upon.

-The Greatest Horror Movie Moments: Another favorite is our ongoing quest to document some of the finest moments in horror movies. Sometimes they're moments you're well aware of, other times, it's stuff you probably never knew existed. Either way, if you're looking for some horror movies to check out this season, this is a good place to start.

-Trick-Or-Treat Adventure: Our largest Flash game to date... and it's all about Halloween. If you're a fan of classic adventure games such as Monkey Island and Space Quest, you'll feel right at home with this one as you go on an adventure to build a Halloween costume and then collect enough candies before you battle the ultimate evil! It even auto-saves your progress as you go play, so you don't have to beat the game all in one sitting.

-Haunted House Candy Hunt: In this Halloween flash game we pay tribute to the games of the Atari 2600 by creating an all new one in the same style. You must guide two buddies (who just so happen to be from a galaxy far, far away) through all the treacherous rooms of a spooky haunted house as they hold hands. Should you reach the end of the game, you'll have a showdown with the ultimate candy hoarder - The Grim Reaper himself! I've also heard from a reliable source (ie: myself) that there's a secret level select hidden somewhere in the game. But you don't need that anyway, right? Cheater!

-MonsterTime: With our most recent Halloween flash game, we pay tribute to the arcade classic BurgerTime. Only difference is, instead of building burgers, you're building classic monsters to save you from the modern slasher monsters who are in hot pursuit of you, Doc Mock!

-Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum: Doc is currently looking for a new home to shoot his show in, but we have over 30 archived episodes already after just one year! If you're looking for a good cheesy b-movie flick, check out some of the Doc's episodes, including the 2009 Halloween specials!

In addition to a ton of new feature articles, you can still expect our regular site updates to the Blog (don't forget the archived Halloween blog entries from years past) and Weeklies section (yes, they're back) this season. We've also got some great Halloween contests in store for you to participate in as well. I-Mockery's big 2010 Halloween season has finally begun and I hope you guys will stick around the entire time to join in all the fun!


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