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Busy times and Valentine crimes
Sorry for the lack o' updates to the ol' I-Mockery blog as of late, I've just been working on too many projects at once (as usual). First and foremost, I'm happy to report that getting our message forum converted to the new software while still saving all the posts and user accounts, went over really well. I've also been working nonstop on a lot of site redesign stuff so that we'll be able to support all the nifty new features that are coming to I-Mockery in the not too distant future. At the very least, in addition to all of the new features, the site's gonna look a hell of a lot better and I'm pretty excited to unveil it to all of you.
So this week I'm headed back to the East coast cuz my buddy Lucas is getting married. Some of you longtime mockers might remember him from some of the old A.L.E. comedy tunes we did together back in the day. Yep, well somehow he found a girl nice (read "crazy") enough to marry him. Since he's getting married in Arlington, Re and I decided to hangout with friends and family in Richmond for a few days before the wedding. It'll be nice to see everybody again and eat at some of our old favorite restaurants 'n what not. After the wedding, if time permits, we're also gonna head up to Philly to see some friends there too. Should be a nice little break away from the computer.
In other news, Valentine's Day is right around the corner and something strange is going on in stores. Re and I have both noticed a disturbing amount of Valentine gifts this year that involve one of two things: Fish or NASCAR. Can somebody explain the logic behind this insane new trend, because I sure can't. Do guys actually think the ladies are gonna melt like butter in their arms upon receiving a a box of chocolates with a NASCAR driver's photo on it or a chocolate bass fish? I mean look at this shit...
A chocolate "You're a keeper" fish with bass fishing trivia on the back? Wow. Try to hold yourselves back, ladies! Don't let the pure ecstasy that comes with receiving a chocolate bass cloud your thoughts. Trust me, it's not a romantic gift.
I even saw a roll of toilet paper with "be mine" hearts printed on it selling for 3 bux last night. "Hi honey! Here's something for you to wipe your ass with! Happy Valentine's Day!" Brilliant. Don't worry though, on Tuesday we'll have a new batch of Valentine's Day cards for you this year that will drive your insignificant others wild (with rage). Until then, you can always check out our cards from 2006 instead. Just keep away from the fish and NASCAR stuff, ok? But hey, it's not ALL bad on Valentine's Day. Check out some of these nifty new treats:
A giant friggin' Reese's "Create a Heart", Nerds Valentine Ropes and Everlasting Heart Breakers! Not too shabby, eh? Out of these 3 treats, I gotta go with the Reese's simply because it's pretty much the biggest Reese's peanut butter cup I've ever had. This is definitely NOT a "eat it all in one sitting" kind of treat, unless you're some kind of insane choco-peanut butter glutton fiend. FIEND!
Jones Soda's Valentine Pack has also made a return but there's not much to review from it since it's basically the exact same stuff as last year. The only difference is that this year's pack comes with some boxers, generic candy hearts (instead of the extremely good Jones brand lip balm) and a "spin-the-bottle" game on the back of the box. No word on whether some of the packs will come with thongs or not. Well anyway, if you're interested in the Valentine pack, you can still check out our review of it from last year. It's definitely worth picking up a pack for no other reason than trying the "love potion" soda. Tasty stuff!
Unrelated to Valentine's Day, I just got my hands on the latest limited edition Kubrick figure... Boo Berry! I saw a prototype of this one at the 2006 Comic-Con and had been waiting for it to finally come out. There was a transparent one at the Comic-Con too and I'm hoping they release it soon. There's not much Boo Berry merchandise out there, but whenever something new comes out, I always jump at the chance to pick it up and I suggest you do the same.
On a final note, don't forget that we've got TWO contests going on right now. The first one is the Gymkata contest in which you must put one of the flag ninjas from the movie into another random situation involving flags. The next one is the Wacko-Saurs contest in which you must create your own version of one of those hilariously awful dinosaur cards from 1987. Make sure you all participate in both of these contests. They're easy to enter, and even if you don't win, your entries will be seen by all. And when I say "all" I'm of course speaking of the entire planet. Are you really going to pass up a chance like that? Well are you, punk?
survey: What are some of the stupidest Valentine's Day gifts you've seen in stores this year?
survey #2: What are you doing for Valentine's Day this year?
Gymkata has arrived on DVD! The skill of gynmastics. The kill of karate!
My friends, it is time for us to rejoice, for the movie which we all joined together to vote for a release in Amazon.com's DVD Decision 2006 has finally arrived: Gymkata!
It pleases and amuses me to no end that I-Mockery's readership could sway the voting results in something like this in order to get one of the most hilariously cheesy films ever created finally released on DVD. They even kept the awesome original poster art for the cover on the DVD which features Kurt Thomas kicking two ninjas, one of whom is armed with a gun. It just doesn't get any better than that, folks. Give yourselves a hearty pat on the back, for you've done good! I hope you all enjoy watching the skill of gymnastics and the kill of karate in the near future.
The distributor also sent me a some copies of the Gymkata DVD to give away to you guys in a contest! Pretty spiffy, eh? And what better way to let you guys compete for copies of the DVD than with a Photoshop / MSPaint /art contest involving the lonely Flag Ninjas from the film?
The contest is simple: All you have to do is photoshop or draw a Flag Ninja into another scenario where his flag holding skills would come in handy. For example, you could make the guy who holds the checkered flag at the end of a car race look like a ninja. I'm sure you can come up with better ideas than that though. You can use screenshots of the Flag Ninja (here and here) from the actual movie , draw your own custom flag ninja, or you can even use this pixelated video-game styled Flag Ninja sprite that we use as an emoticon on the I-Mockery forums:
The choice is yours, but don't feel like you have to be an art major to win this thing. We'll be judging the contest primarily on humor. To enter the contest, simply email your Flag Ninja image(s) to gymkata@i-mockery.com by February 25, 2007. Please make sure all images are in .JPG or .GIF format and no larger than 500k. Do not post your entries here in the I-Mockery Blog, but if you have any questions feel free to post them here. And yes, you can enter as many times as you like. The more Flag Ninjas the merrier. Once the contest has ended, myself and the other writers will judge the entries and then post them up on I-Mockery for all to see (yes, ALL of the entries will be posted on the site, the winners and the losers). The top 2 entries will each receive a brand new copy of Gymkata on DVD! So get crackin' on those Flag Ninja pics and the pommel-horse action of Gymkata just might find its way into your hands for free in the near future!
For those of you who don't plan on participating in the contest, I hope you'll still pick up a copy of the DVD when it comes out next Tuesday (January 30th) to show your support for cheesy classics like Gymkata. If you don't, a flag ninja just might have to pay you a little visit and set you straight.
Aiiieeeee! The forum is down!
Actually, the I-Mockery forum is being upgraded to a different software which is gonna be a lot nicer. Don't worry, all of the posts and user accounts have been saved. For those of you who haven't joined in the I-Mockery forum discussions yet, however, it will be the perfect time for you to do so when this new one launches in the next 24 hours or so. Why? Well aside from the nice new setup, we're going to be integrating user accounts on the new forum with a lot of the new features that the main I-Mockery site will have. More on that later.
In the meantime, forum regulars, feel free to use this blog thread as your temporary forum / chat home. Woooooooooo!
Ask the Magic Date Ball!
Have you noticed lately that all of the shelves in stores are taking on the nauseating color of pink? While I'd like to say it's because they have an abundance of Pepto, the truth is that Valentine's Day is drawing closer. And though we'll all be seeing overpriced candies and plush toys with hearts 'n mushy messages plastered all over them for a while, it doesn't mean we can't sit back and laugh at the companies who try to cash in on the season with their crazy shit. And I have the first item of the season:
The Magic Date Ball!
Yes, for some reason, Mattel decided to remake their classic Magic 8 Ball for Valentine's Day by painting it pink, covering it with glitter and changing the answers it gives to your "yes" or "no" questions. They do mention on the box that it is "for entertainment purposes only" so you know somebody tried to sue them at one point because the 8 ball gave them some bad advice when they were betting on a horse down at the race track. It's a sad, sad world we live in.
Sometimes the Magic Date Ball will give you answers which have a little heart graphic on them, but other times you get stuff like "I don't know!", "How should I know?" and "I'll tell you later". In other words, this ball is far more indecisive than the original. But hey, it's got glitter, right?
I've already asked it a ton of questions and it turns out... YES, I am going to be a mega-gazillionaire who will live to be 800 years old and not look a day over 30. So now that the mysteries of my life have been cleared up by the Magic Date Ball, it's your turn!
Ask me any "yes" or "no" question, and I will ask the Magic Date Ball and then post its response to you.
(Post your questions here in the I-Mockery Blog. One question per person please.)
Movies I’ve seen recently
In the past month I've gone out to some movies and figured I'd give ya my thoughts on 'em. Please note that these little reviews do contain some spoilers, so if you haven't seen one of the movies mentioned, you might want to skip reading the review until you do. Anyway, on with the blabber...
For Your Consideration: I love Christopher Guest movies, but I'm sad to say that this was the least entertaining of them all. Sure, Fred Willard's character is hysterical as can be and the entire cast of the film has a lot of familiar faces, but there just weren't nearly as many laughs as I was expecting. One thing Guest really dropped the ball with was the one-on-one interviews. I always loved how in his other mockumentaries, they would often break away from what was going on and have one of the characters just talk about their lives directly to the camera. While it was no "Waiting for Guffman" or "A Mighty Wind", I'll see a flick like this over "Scary Movie" or "Date Movie" any day, and I'll still keep the volume turned up to 11.
Rocky Balboa: I really liked this movie all the way through until the fight at the end. It felt just like a classic Rocky movie, though obviously a bit more downtrodden than usual at times, but that fight was really weak by Rocky standards. Too much flashy filmwork instead of the straight up rib-crackin' action that we all came to know and love from the previous Rocky films. I wanna feel those punches when Rocky lands 'em, damnit! And nobody got knocked out? You can't go to the judges, somebody has to get knocked out unless there's gonna be a rematch sequel, and that's clearly not gonna happen. In all honesty, I was hoping that in his old age, Rocky would throw one final mega punch which knocks out the current champ, but at the same time, Rocky would have a heart attack and keel over. Now THAT is how you end a movie! All in all though, it was a real good film (a step up from Rocky V) and he's in damned good shape for a guy his age. As many people said already... he ended the series with class.
Notes on a Scandal: Way better than I was expecting it to be. A great mix of drama and dark humor. Judi Dench's character is extremely scathing, lonely and sinister while Blanchett makes for the perfect naive target. Much of the movie is narrated by Dench, and while I don't follow award shows at all, I'd be shocked if she didn't win something for this performance. If it's not playing in any theatres near you, at least rent it whenever it comes out on video.
Black Christmas: Yes! Now this is what I'm talking about! Forget all of the modern horror flicks that have come out in recent times... this movie is what we need more of. Granted I haven't seen the original, but the 2006 remake was a kickass throwback to the old slasher flicks of the 70s and 80s. Well, except that there wasn't any gratuitous nudity, which is surprising since the movie takes place in a sorority house. The kills are satisfyingly creative while the story is both bizarre and hilarious. And no, the cookies Billy Lenz was eating were not made of gingerbread. Horror fans, do not miss this one.
Pan's Labyrinth: I went into this one not knowing much about it other than it was a fairy tale for adults. I'm sure that makes it sound like a porno, but I assure you it's not. Guillermo del Toro has created a hell of a good tale here, though don't expect to come out feeling good at the end like you would with typical stories. The effects are wonderful and some of the sequences will definitely make you wince. For example: I've never seen the bottom of a soda bottle used to bash in the face of somebody before, but there it was on the big screen. Toro didn't cut away until the poor bastard's face was almost caved in. Brutalicious. It's interesting how the three tasks that Ofelia has to complete seem less nightmarish than what's taking place in the real world. I'm not saying that the Pale Man wasn't creepy as hell, he was. I'm just saying war is hell. War is hell and so are angry stepfathers. Hmmm, yep, that's what I'm saying.
That's all the movies for now, though I might check out "Children of Men" soon. So what did you guys think of these films (if you've seen any of 'em already)? Furthermore, what other movies have you seen lately and how were they?
Bruce Campbell + Old Spice = Groovy
Not sure if you guys have seen this yet, but I caught this commercial on TV last night and it's pretty much one of the greatest things I've seen on the tube in a while. Whaddaya think?
Click here to watch Bruce!
I want that painting.
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