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Tour Detour: The Goonies House.

by -RoG- on 09/12/2011, 1:11 pm


[Click here to watch in hi-res]

So while we're on tour rushing to the next town for another Keith Apicary show, we're doing our best to take advantage of what little downtime we have. After we left Portland, we decided to head up to Astoria, Oregon to pay a visit to the house from The Goonies.

Goonies from all around the world are welcome... just not their cars.

Once we entered the town, it quickly felt like we were driving around the Goon Docks and I was expecting to see some kids riding past us on their bicycles about to go on an adventure. But today, the adventure was ours, for we were heading up to that classic house. When we pulled up, there was this fantastic custom made sign letting people know they had arrived at a cinematic landmark. What's nice is that the current owners are totally cool with people walking up their driveway and taking pictures of the house. The place has been maintained really well over the years and the views of the water and town down below made me want to move in immediately. Of course, it could've used some Rube Goldberg contraptions to really sweeten the experience, but it was still great finally seeing the place in person.

The original Goonies house gives me the strange urge to get into the real estate business.

Afterward, we decided to drive out to the beach with the huge rocks near the Fratellis' hideout in the film. What's funny is that it takes about 45 minutes to drive a car from the house to the beach, so it's funny imagining The Goonies actually doing that bike ride. I guarantee Mikey, Chunk, Data and Mouth would've croaked or been hit by a speeding car long before reaching that beach. Ah movie magic...

The Goonies Haystack Rock - one of my new favorite places on earth.

Cannon Beach was completely overcast that day, so it even felt like we were reliving scenes from the film, but holy crap.... Haystack Rock was ENORMOUS! No photos or movies can possibly do it any justice, and all I can say is that the people of Astoria are seriously lucky to live near such a spectacle.

We finished shooting some video and then truffle shuffled our way out onto the long, winding roads towards Tacoma. But before we reached our next show destination, there was another special stop we planned on making, so you can expect to hear about that one soon enough. So stick around and don't ride up Troy's Bucket, there are more adventures on the way for all you Goonies to enjoy.

By the way, be sure to watch the above video in its entirety even after the credits, I think you'll get a kick out of it.

13 Comments

a-visit-to-voodoo-doughnut

A Visit To Voodoo Doughnut.

by -RoG- on 09/07/2011, 5:56 am

So the first stop on the Keith Apicary "Apicarnage" tour was Portland, Oregon at Ground Kontrol arcade. This is an arcade I had been wanting to see since before I even moved out to the West coast, so I was pretty excited to check it out. What I had completely forgotten about was that Portland is also home to what may be the greatest donut shop on earth: Voodoo Doughnut.

The Voodoo Doughnut storefront.

As soon as I arrived there, I knew it had to be a pretty good place since there were people lined up around the block just to get inside. Normally, I wouldn't spend 45 minutes waiting to get a box of donuts, but sometimes exceptions must be made. After all, this is a place that serves everything from bleeding voodoo doll donuts to ones covered in Captain Crunch cereal and more.

A bleeding voodoo doll donut.

And it's not as if you're without entertainment while waiting outside. When you're not being asked for spare change from one of the seemingly thousands of homeless people who live within a square mile, you can laugh at the innuendo on the Voodoo signs such as "Good things come in pink boxes.", "The magic is in the hole!", "I got VD in Portland!" and more. Of course, the donut shop is stationed right next to a theater that apparently prides itself on showcasing hentai films late at night. Bubblegum flavored donuts and tentacle rape? That's a hell of a combo.

I can't look at this photo for long because it just makes me want to stuff more donuts into my face.

Once inside, the smell of those delicious donuts hits you and you can't help but order far more of them than you'll ever have time to finish. I picked up a nice variety of flavors including cotton candy, bubblegum, grape, Captain Crunch and some standard vanilla sprinkled ones. So far, they've been as delicious as they were in my dreams, and I can only assume that a voodoo priest cast a spell upon these donuts to make them so tasty.

But let's not forget that we're currently in the midst of Halloween season here on I-Mockery and you're not here to just here about a donut shop. Sure, voodoo can be tied to Halloween with a number of horror films (Serpent and the Rainbow being my favorite), but a huge smile came over me when my eyes happened upon this:

A donut coffin! I thought stuff like this only existed in my dreams.

A donut coffin. I repeat: A DONUT COFFIN! Holy crapballs, this is something they actually sell!? Believe it or not, for $100 you can get a coffin filled with an assortment of Voodoo donuts. How incredible is that? Sure, it's completely overpriced and you could spend roughly $60 less and get the same number of donuts without a coffin, but it just wouldn't feel the same. We were tempted to get a donut coffin for ourselves, but the tour wagon is already so tightly packed that we're lucky to be able to fit in it with a regular box of donuts. Still, if I lived anywhere near Voodoo Doughnut, you can bet your finest jack-o-lantern that I'd be picking up a donut coffin to use as one hell of a centerpiece for a Halloween party come October.

Donut chains around the globe could certainly learn a thing or two from Voodoo Doughnut... they simply do everything right.

Before I go, I wanted to say thanks to the fans of I-Mockery and the fans of Keith Apicary for coming out to the Ground Kontrol and making it such a great first stop on the tour. It was great meeting everyone and we can only hope that the rest of the tour is even half as fun. Big thanks to the staff at Ground Kontrol too - their arcade is absolutely amazing and you can tell a lot of love went into everything in it from the game selection right down to the floor tiles in the bathroom that make it look like a Pac-Man screen. I'll be sure to post some pics of Ground Kontrol when I get a chance.

Now we're headed up to do a show in Tacoma, Washington (though by the time this blog post goes live, it will already be over) but have a few special stops to make along the way before getting there. More on that later. Hope you've all been enjoying the Halloween season updates on I-Mockery so far... we have loads more on the way, so stick around like the bloodthirsty goblins you know you are.

19 Comments

i-mockery-going-on-tour-with-keith-apicary-this-month

I-Mockery Going On Tour With Keith Apicary This Month!

by -RoG- on 09/02/2011, 2:32 pm


[View Full Size Video Here]

So yeah, starting today, I've apparently "volunteered" to help out on Keith Apicary's tour around the country this month. If you're not familiar with him, just check out his other awesome videos on Youtube or his appearance on Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum. We're going to be hitting up a variety of arcades, game stores, and plenty of random fun places along the way on this crazy road trip where you can see Keith perform all of his awesome video game songs live! Who wouldn't want to see a madman sing songs about the Neo Geo and other video game systems? If you live anywhere near one of the towns listed on the Apicarnage tour, please come out to show your support. Come say hey and I'll give you some I-Mockery and Abobo's Big Adventure freebies too!

And don't worry... we have plenty of Halloween stuff ready to go up on I-Mockery while I'm out of town until later this September. I wouldn't leave you guys hangin' without your Two Months of Halloween fix! Only difference now is I'll also be posting updates from the tour on here as well. Double your pleasure, double your fun. So that's the big surprise announcement and I hope to see some of you on the road!

13 Comments

dig-a-grave-i-mockerys-2011-halloween-season-has-begun

Dig A Grave! I-Mockery’s 2011 Halloween Season Has Begun!

by -RoG- on 09/01/2011, 4:23 am

Greetings, ghouls 'n goblins! Welcome to I-Mockery's 2011 Halloween season!

Who here is ready for the one time of the year when rat-eating lizard men and robotic cephalopods puking up brain matter through a meat grinder-like orifice while one-eyed vampire zombies smile approvingly are part of the every day norm? I sure am! This can mean only one thing... it's time to get ready for Halloween!

As you should already know by now, September 1st marks the beginning of I-Mockery's annual "Two Months of Halloween" celebration. Everything you see on this site between now and October 31st will be filled with monsters, horror movies, candy and any other Halloween-related things I can get my grubby hands on, so whether you're ready or not, it's time to start getting into the spirit of the season. This is the best time of the year and there's no way we're going to celebrate Halloween for a mere month. Historically speaking, September has always been that long transitional month where we wait for the last remnants of summer to fade away and for fall to take over so the ghosts 'n goblins can finally come out to drain our blood whilst we sleep. Haha, I said "whilst"... Halloween sure brings out the fancypants in me. Pardon me while I go put on my top hat and meet some other fine gents at the high society social club to discuss the moral decay of society at the hands of many a rapscallion.

Anyway, there's simply no better time of year to be hanging out here on I-Mockery to discuss all things Halloween with us. We're a big Halloween family and you're all a part of it, so put your differences aside, scarf down some mellowcreme pumpkins 'til you're ready to puke, and enjoy the ride.

We always pride ourselves on going crazier over this holiday than any other site ever has, so we've got all sorts o' spine-tingling things planned for the 2011 Halloween season here on I-Mockery. We even have a brand new Halloween pixel poster coming out this month that will make a perfect addition to your haunted house decor. Of course, you can count on seeing coverage of crazy old Halloween movies, pictorial tours of haunted attractions, oddball horror-themed novelties, huge trick-or-treat candy reviews and much more over the next two months. You can also expect a special announcement that I'll be making in the next couple o' days. That being said, if any of you have suggestions for Halloweeny things you'd like to see us cover this season, please let us know here in the blog thread or shoot us an email. It doesn't matter if it's a Halloween event taking place in your area, a horror movie, an independent seasonal costume shop, some new candy, or some completely bizarro new Halloween novelty... we wanna see and hear all about it, so please get in touch!

To those of you who aren't well acquainted with our annual Halloween celebration here on I-Mockery, I recommend you check out some of our main Halloween attractions. And hell, even if you've been with us for years, it wouldn't hurt to look back over all that old stuff to help get in the spirit o' things.

-I-Mockery's Halloween Collection: Here you'll find quick 'n easy access to most of our Halloween material from the past. Extremely in-depth horror movie and candy reviews, product reviews, and of course the boppin' Halloween adventures of Count Pop himself along with other oddities.

-The Halloween Grab Bag: Much like our "Shorts" section, this is a place where you'll find our smaller Halloween articles, but often covering some of the weirdest stuff we've ever stumbled upon.

-The Greatest Horror Movie Moments: Another favorite is our ongoing quest to document some of the finest moments in horror movies. Sometimes they're moments you're well aware of, other times, it's stuff you probably never knew existed. Either way, if you're looking for some horror movies to check out this season, this is a great place to start.

-Trick-Or-Treat Adventure: Our largest Flash game to date... and it's all about Halloween. If you're a fan of classic adventure games such as Monkey Island and Space Quest, you'll feel right at home with this one as you go on an adventure to build a Halloween costume and then collect enough candies before you battle the ultimate evil! It even auto-saves your progress as you go play, so you don't have to beat the game all in one sitting.

-Haunted House Candy Hunt: In this Halloween flash game we pay tribute to the games of the Atari 2600 by creating an all new one in the same style. You must guide two buddies (who just so happen to be from a galaxy far, far away) through all the treacherous rooms of a spooky haunted house as they hold hands. Should you reach the end of the game, you'll have a showdown with the ultimate candy hoarder - The Grim Reaper himself! I've also heard from a reliable source (ie: myself) that there's a secret level select hidden somewhere in the game. But you don't need that anyway, right? Cheater!

-MonsterTime: With our most recent Halloween flash game, we pay tribute to the arcade classic BurgerTime. Only difference is, instead of building burgers, you're building classic monsters to save you from the modern slasher monsters who are in hot pursuit of you, Doc Mock!

-Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum: Doc Mock, I-Mockery's official horror host, is currently looking for a new home to shoot his show in, but we have over 30 archived episodes already after just one year! If you're looking for a good cheesy b-movie flick, check out some of the Doc's episodes, including the 2009 Halloween specials! Doc is planning on hitting up Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights once again this year, so expect coverage of that too!

In addition to a ton of new feature articles, you can still expect our regular site updates to the Blog (don't forget the archived Halloween blog entries from years past) and Weeklies section (yes, they're back) this season. We've also got some great Halloween contests in store for you to participate in as well. I-Mockery's big 2011 Halloween season has finally begun and I hope you guys will stick around the entire time to join in all the fun!

15 Comments

today-we-must-discuss-this-glass-of-orange-juice

Today We Must Discuss This Glass Of… Orange Juice?

by -RoG- on 08/25/2011, 5:44 pm

From the makers of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, we proudly introduce I Can't Believe It's Not Orange Juice!

Whenever I'm on the road, I always love it when a hotel offers a complimentary breakfast with a room. Wait, did I say always? I meant to say, almost always. You see, sometimes the complimentary breakfast isn't so complimentary to my pallet or to my stomach. The above glass of liquid was from a recent stay at a hotel which proudly displayed a "100% Natural Florida Orange Juice" sign above the dispenser. Everybody in the dining room was staring at their glasses of juice with perplexed looks on their faces. I heard one old guy nervously say, "I think it's juice," to which his wife responded, "Please don't drink that."

I should also note that the liquid smelled almost soap-like, but that may have simply been because they didn't rinse the glasses thoroughly. Either way, I opted not to drink it.

So yes, today we discuss the aforementioned glass of what the hotel claimed to be orange juice. Also, feel free to share any of your own horrific complimentary breakfast stories from past hotel stays. From foiled Belgian waffle making attempts to scrambled eggs that appeared to be from another planet, we've all had at least one bad free breakfast experience.

29 Comments

proof-that-he-man-and-prince-adam-are-two-completely-different-people

Proof That He-Man And Prince Adam Are Two Completely Different People!

by -RoG- on 08/09/2011, 2:55 pm

I grew up thinking that He-Man and Prince Adam were the same person. Once Adam whipped out the power sword and said that magical line, "By the power of Greyskull... I have the power!", he would transform into He-Man. End of story story, right? Granted, I never understood how he ever reverted back to being plain old Adam after dispatching Skeletor and his minors (or why he would bother reverting back for that matter), but it was always understood that they were the same person.

That all changed recently when I took a closer look at one of my all-time favorite Masters of the Universe promotional posters:

The greatest He-Man and the Masters of the Universe poster ever? I think so. Well done, William George.
[click to enlarge]

Badass, isn't it? It was beautifully hand-painted imagery of enormous battles like this which caused us kids to have such rabid fanaticism about the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe toyline back in the eighties. We wanted to recreate those poster scenes with our own action figures more than anything. Sure, scenes like these raised many questions... questions such as, "Why the hell are Castle Greyskull and Snake Mountain literally situated right next door to each other?", "Why did nobody opt to ride on the Road Ripper?", "Who is the mysterious character piloting the Wind Raider", "Was Stratos accidentally knocked off the path by the Dragon Walker?" and "Where the hell is Mekaneck going?" And the only way we were going to get answers to those questions was to recreate the scenes using the toys and act them out with our own imaginations.

But a new question has risen from this old poster... a question far more important than all the other ones combined. The question is simple: Are He-Man and Prince Adam the same person or not? Well my friends, this particular poster shows us beyond the shadow of a doubt that He-Man and Prince Adam are two completely different people. Take a closer look:

Undeniable proof that He-Man and Prince Adam are NOT the same person!

See??? We've been lied to, folks. All these years, I thought they were the same person, but it turns out Prince Adam and He-Man are two totally different beings. At best, I'd say the two of them were twins... one of whom spends a lot of time in tanning booths. And no, this isn't the only occurrence of the two appearing in the same battle together. Here's a shot from another MOTU poster:

Thunder Punch He-Man and Prince Adam - again, not the same person.

Okay, are you ready to really have your mind blown? Not only are He-Man and Prince Adam different people, but He-Man and Battle Armor He-Man are apparently different people as well! LOOK!

Even He-Man and Battle Armor He-Man are different people!

I understand if you are unable to drop a comment below in the blog... but please try your best so I can read your thoughts on this deception. It's pretty difficult to type after your head explodes, isn't it?

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