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obligatory-new-years-eve-thread

Obligatory New Year’s Eve Thread.

by -RoG- on 12/31/2008, 6:48 pm

OH YEAH, WE KNOW HOW TO PARTY!

Ok, it's that time again for you to spill ye beans about what your plans for New Year's Eve are. I'm sure some of you are already too inebriated to comment, so you can always report back to us in a few days once your hangovers have disappeared. Hope you all have a dandy ol' time tonight regardless of whether you're out partying like a maniac, curling up in bed and reading a good book or watching some of your favorite cheesy flicks. As always, thanks again for sticking with I-Mockery for yet another year! See you guys in 2009: The Year of the Ox. (more...)

34 Comments

christmas-aftermath-2008

Christmas Aftermath 2008.

by -RoG- on 12/25/2008, 8:04 pm

So much time spent wrapping gifts, only to have them torn to shreds in a matter of seconds.

Alright, you guys know the routine. Post what gifts you received over the holidays this year so we can all be extremely jealous. I'll post my haul in this blog thread soon, but since my birthday is coming up tomorrow, I figure I'll post it all together because people often do the ol' "Oh this present is for Christmas AND your birthday!" thing. Honestly, that part doesn't even bother me... especially since I believe I made out like a bandit this year. What does bother me is that most people are out of town and/or busy with holiday stuff when my birthday rolls around each year. That's the part that truly sucks about late December birthdays. I think I gotta start making a habit of celebrating it in January or something.

Alright, on with the gifts! Post lists of whatcha got and feel free to include photos of your Christmas holiday hauls! (more...)

86 Comments

the-greatest-gift-of-all-no-more-head-cold-thank-you-santa

The Greatest Gift Of All: No More Head Cold! Thank You Santa.

by -RoG- on 12/24/2008, 4:29 pm

You don't want to see what the reindeer look like. Trust me.

For the past week and a half, I've had one of those ultra-annoying head colds that can render a person completely useless because you're far too preoccupied with draining gallons of snot from your skull every five minutes to get any real work done. Fortunately, it's Christmas Eve and the I have finally defeated that bastard head cold with an onslaught of orange juice, soup and honey-lemon Cold Eeze drops. I was starting to worry I wouldn't get to finish my big He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special article on time, but I managed to wrap it up in the last 24 hours so I hope you guys enjoy it. While Halloween will forever be my favorite holiday, I really like Christmas a lot with its inherent cheesiness and I wish I could've enjoyed it more this month. But hey, it's never too late to start.

Now that I'm healthy again, Re and I are going to the grocery store today and we're going to attempt to make some of her favorite Ukrainian family recipes: Cheese Rolls (blintzes) and Pierogies. It's like I'm trading a cold for a buttery heart attack. If that food doesn't finish me off, I have a ton of Christmas cookies and candies to surely get the job done.

I'm also happy to report that I finished all of my Christmas shopping on time as well. I swear, I feel like I'm single-handedly keeping Amazon.com in business this year. That's not to say I haven't braved the real world retail shops. Despite all the ridiculous people traffic, I always venture out to the stores at least a few times come December each year. There's just a certain charm about seeing all the holiday decorations and every "As-Seen-On-TV" product known to man resurface around this time of year that makes it all worth it. I know it probably sounds absurd, but Christmas time is one of the few times of the year that can even make a trip to CVS sound like an exciting adventure.

Anywho, whatever you're doing this Christmas, I hope you all have a spiffy one and thanks again for spending some o' your holiday season with us once again. I'll be back in the next day or two so we can all discuss how we made out with Christmas gifts and strategies for getting rid of those nasty fruitcakes among other things. Now if you'll excuse me, I've just popped in Billy Idol's "Happy Holidays" album and there's a box full o' limited edition Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints with my name on it. Christmas is awesome.

Survey #1: Are there any special holiday meals in particular you plan on making or indulging in?

Survey #2: What holiday movies are you definitely gonna be watching during the next 24 hours?

20 Comments

looks-like-christmas-came-a-little-early-in-gingerbread-man-land-this-year

Looks Like Christmas Came A Little Early In Gingerbread Man Land This Year!

by -RoG- on 12/16/2008, 4:33 am

Only YOU can prevent gingerbread rape.

So Re and I were at the grocery store the other day when we stumbled upon this amazing sight. We simply couldn't believe it. No, your eyes do not deceive you - this is indeed a Gingerbread Man Rape. You can forget about those traditional nativity scenes with the baby jeebus... this will now forever be the centerpiece of my Christmas holiday seasons!

Ok, so I'm sure you're wondering why the hell a grocery store would sell such a thing or why anybody would even make it. Well, the truth is, this isn't what was intended, it's just how it was left out on display in the grocery store. It's actually a novelty holiday wine bottle holder, but whoever put it out on display in the store clearly had different intentions. Without a wine bottle in place, we see nothing but hilarity and horror as a helpless little gingerbread man is being raped from behind. To add insult to injury, while being raped, the little guy is being forced to stare at the bare ass of the gingerbread man in front of him who is absolutely elated about the successful raping and humiliation taking place. Ah rape... isn't that what the holidays are really all about? (more...)

39 Comments

neon-spray-painted-christmas-trees

Neon Spray Painted Christmas Trees?

by -RoG- on 12/11/2008, 1:07 am

MY EYES!!!!! I'M BLIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!

Here's a question for ya: is the intoxicating scent of a fresh pine tree worth subjecting yourself to such potentially blinding colors on a daily basis throughout the month of December? Even worse, you might blind Santa himself when he hops down that chimney and comes face to face with a neon pink spray painted Christmas tree. Not exactly the best way to stay off the naughty list.

Also, it's just weird seeing palm trees as the backdrop for a Christmas tree sales lot. Mele Kalikimaka, anyone?

Only in L.A.

24 Comments

where-am-i-doing-all-of-my-christmas-shopping-at-crazy-gideons

Where Am I Doing All Of My Christmas Shopping? At Crazy Gideon’s!

by -RoG- on 12/06/2008, 4:32 pm

QUICK! BUY HIS PRODUCTS! OTHERWISE HE'LL BREAK HIS HEAD!

Since I no longer live on the East Coast and Crazy Eddie is sadly a thing of the past, I've had this burning desire to find an electronics retailer with the level of insanity that I have come to expect. Fortunately, Los Angeles does not disappoint, because I've been seeing one particularly unstable individual on my TV lately who's part salesman and part madman. His name? Crazy Gideon. I imagine his electronic shop consists of nothing but battered television sets that he's destroyed during his uncontrollable daily rage-fits, and I'm dying to pay the place a visit. But this probably means very little to those of you who are unfamiliar with Crazy Gideon's, so I've put together this collection of his commercials so you can see exactly why he's making watching local television channels this holiday season far more enjoyable than usual: (more...)

51 Comments

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