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i-love-indiana-jones

I Love Indiana Jones.

by Protoclown on 05/22/2008, 2:26 am

Why is Indy shining a flashlight on another light?

Not in a gay way, mind you, but he is one of my childhood heroes and favorite characters ever. So as you can imagine, I'm really looking forward to the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, despite it's terrible, terrible title. But the problem is that George Lucas is involved, and he let us down big time with the Star Wars prequels. So I don't exactly trust him, you see. However, the good news is that Steven Spielberg is also involved, and though he's done some crappy movies in his day, his track record is WAY better than Lucas's.

Much as I welcome the idea of having more Indy adventures to watch, I'd almost prefer they left well enough alone. The original trilogy is fucking fantastic, and The Last Crusade ended things so damned well, I have a hard time believing that this new one could provide a halfway satisfying conclusion to the whole series. It's almost bound to disappoint, given the sheer perfection of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade, and the not-too-shabby-though-not-quite-as-good Temple of Doom. It's pretty much impossible to top the first or third movie, and when you go out on such a great high note as they did, it's usually a bad idea to keep doing more, especially after so much time has gone by.

So I'm trying to keep myself from having ANY expectations at all about this new film in an effort to avoid being disappointed. I don't think for one minute it will be as good as Raiders or Crusade, but can it match Temple? It might. That's my sincere hope, anyway. Maybe if I keep telling myself "George Lucas is the man behind Jar Jar Binks" over and over again, I'll start to think the movie will suck, and then even if it's just "okay" I'll still be fairly happy with it. (Plus, it has Cate Blanchett in it, who I am totally in lurve with).

What are you guys' thoughts about the new movie? Do you have hope that it will live up to the previous adventures, or do you think Indy's time is past? Also, I'm curious: what's your favorite film in the series? It's a very tough choice for me between Raiders and Crusade, but I think Crusade just barely edges out over Raiders for me, because the interaction between Harrison Ford and Sean Connery is so much fun to watch. Indy works really well when he has a sidekick to play off of, and that was the one thing he lacked in the first film. I'm also curious to know how many Temple fans are out there. Don't get me wrong, it's a fine movie, but I think the annoyingness of Willie Scott kind of drags it down a few notches as compared to the other two.

NOTE: Protoclown wrote these words two days prior to their posting, before having seen the movie, which he has just returned from. And boy, does he have things to say about it, boy does he ever. But he is going to wait and post a weekly movie review about it next week, rather than discussing it here. This post is more about the "before". The "after" comes later. Protoclown has also just realized it is three in the morning, and he is writing about himself in the third person. God, what a douchebag.

98 Comments

deal-or-no-deal-star-wars-style

Deal Or No Deal: Star Wars Style.

by Protoclown on 04/30/2008, 12:27 pm

Who cried more tears and did more cocaine in the dressing room?

RoG recently told me that there was going to be a Star Wars oriented "Deal or No Deal" episode coming up, and it looked absolutely cheesy as shit, so I Tivoed it, and I watched parts of it on fast forward for a laugh, but I'll be damned if I'm actually going to waste two hours of my life watching a shitty game show.

Apparently though they had Darth Vader as the evil banker, R2-D2, Chewbacca and Carrie Fisher as moral support, and a bunch of stormtroopers and models in "Slave Leia" outfits holding briefcases with numbers representing dollar amounts (but no actual dollar amounts). Did anybody actually see this thing? It looked absolutely wretched. Unfortunately I saw a couple of the lame Star Wars jokes they made and it made me wish that lightsabers were real so I could cut my own head off. (more...)

44 Comments

that-guy

“That guy”.

by Protoclown on 04/25/2008, 5:26 pm

Can you spot the douchebag in this picture?

Have you ever heard someone talk about "that guy" who goes to a concert wearing the t-shirt of the band he's there to see perform? Every time I've heard mention made of "that guy", people have spoken of him as a clueless tool, some kind of embarrassing social pariah who clearly just doesn't "get" it. (more...)

103 Comments

clown-travel-agency

Clown Travel Agency.

by Protoclown on 04/09/2008, 3:41 pm

Don't forget to pack the Smilex gas!

On April Fool's Day I was sitting in my office praying for a swift death when suddenly my friend Matt called to tell me to check out the website www.clowntravelagency.com. The fact that it was April 1st was in the back of my mind, but Matt's not much of a prankster, so I decided to risk getting fired for pulling up some kind of Bozo fetish porn site and checked it out. Miraculously, it was one of five sites that actually isn't blocked by my company's annoying Websense blocker, and I quickly saw that it was some kind of viral marketing site for the upcoming Batman movie. After clicking on an envelope it pulled up a list of cities and said "the trip starts today" or something along those lines. (more...)

32 Comments

badass-cute-cartoon-characters-um-no

Badass Cute Cartoon Characters? Um, No.

by Protoclown on 03/24/2008, 12:24 pm

HULK SMASH BROS

So my roommate picked up Super Smash Bros. Brawl last week, and he and I have been kicking each others' asses for a good week now. Hell, we've even played the game some too, and it's a lot of fun, if you like those kind of games. But here's what I can't get over: Every time in the single player game that you get to a new character intro screen, they try to strike some kind of "badass" pose when it freezes on their still image and their name appears on the screen beneath them. (more...)

84 Comments

my-life-as-a-zombie-sheriff

My Life As A Zombie Sheriff.

by Protoclown on 02/23/2008, 3:41 pm

braaaaaiiiins

Here's your chance to help ol' Protoclown get on the upcoming Diary of the Dead DVD. Last Saturday I got all dressed up as a zombie and spent the entire day working on a three-minute short film directed by Robert Elkins, titled "No More Room in Hell." My friend Scott (the one who looks like Rob Zombie) told me about this shoot and convinced me to come along and be in Robert's film. I've already been in a previous film of his, "The Curse of Zombie Lake", which will appear on the upcoming Zombthology DVD, but I'm wearing a mask in that so no one will actually recognize me. Fortunately, we got actual make up this time around, which for me was a lot more fun. (more...)

25 Comments

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