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The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Now Lives Inside My Home.
So this is weird. I got an email today from somebody named Gozer. This person claimed to go by a variety of names such as Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, and Volguus Zildrohar. In this email, Gozer asked me to "Choose the form of the Destructor!" I had no idea what Gozer was talking about, so I just replied with the most harmless thing I could think of. Moments later, my doorbell rang and it was the UPS guy with a delivery. After I signed for it, he handed me a package and said, "The choice is made. The Traveler has come!" in a raspy voice. He then hopped into his truck and it flew off into the sky. I opened up the package and found this:
It was an inflatable Stay Puft Marshmallow Man! Not just any inflatable either... we're talking about a massive 8-foot tall Mr. Stay Puft. Created by Morbid Enterprises, the box promised that he would inflate within minutes and could be used indoors or outdoors. Look, I love outdoor inflatables during the Halloween season as much as the next guy, but if you had a chance to have a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man standing in your living room, you'd be a fool pass up that opportunity.
Well whaddaya know! Mr. Stay Puft apparently doesn't always stay puffed after all. After pulling his wrinkled body out of the box, I left the lawn stakes aside since I wasn't about to hammer them into my floor. Pretty sure that'd cancel out any hopes I'd have of ever getting my deposit on this place back. Fortunately, his feet have little weighted sandbags in them, so Puft wasn't about to go anywhere.
I plugged him in and the little motor in his feet started whirring. What surprised me is that the motor is actually pretty quiet. I have a spare inflatable mattress, and the motor for that thing gets louder than my goddamned car, so kudos to the creators for not going with a similar motor. I was also happy to see that he was rising faster than a marshmallow in a microwave.
In less than four minutes, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man had reached his full 8-foot tall size. All the wrinkles practically vanished and he looked perfect as he towered over everything in the room. Let's face it, a lot of inflatables have to cut corners when it comes to design due their puffy nature, but Mr. Stay Puft couldn't be more perfectly shaped for such a thing. I've also seen a variety of toys and costumes that never seem to get his face quite right, but they got all the correct details in with this version of him. He even has a few little lights dangling from inside his body to help illuminate him at night which is a real nice touch.
Honestly, these photos don't even do him justice. Hit the jump to see a video of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man inflating to his massive full size! (more...)
Introducing Jack-O-Juke: I-Mockery’s Halloween Music Jukebox!
One year ago, I went to the local cemetery during a full moon, dug a grave, and buried a jukebox in it. I would explain why I did this, but why creep you out with the gruesome details of my nocturnal October activities? So anyway, I returned to the cemetery last night, dug up that same jukebox, plugged it in, and discovered something truly horrifying...
It had become the Jack-O-Juke!
The Jack-O-Juke is a jukebox filled with over 180 horrifying Halloween songs to keep your decaying ears bleeding with ghoulish glee all season long. Feel free to keep the Jack-O-Juke open in a separate window so you can listen to all of the hand-picked tunes while still checking out all the latest article offerings here on I-Mockery.
I've received so many emails over the years from people asking me to set up a Halloween music jukebox on the site, I figured it was high time I oblige you guys before you decided to break into my home and eat my skull. With the help of some kind chums who donated their time, I gathered all kinds of killer Halloween songs, from the classics we all know and love to the completely obscure, and added them to this jukebox. I hope this new feature makes your Halloween season even more enjoyable than it already is... and I also hope it doesn't kill my server with all the bandwidth it's surely going to devour.
If you would like to help me out with the bandwidth costs, please consider purchasing our official 8-Bit Halloween print or anything else from our store. Every purchase helps cover my hefty hosting bills!
Have a song to suggest? If there's a Halloween tune that you feel is worthy of a permanent spot in the Jack-O-Juke, please post it here in this blog thread. This thread will be the permanent home for all spooky song suggestions, so feel free to return with all the ideas you can come up with. I can't promise I'll add anything you suggest, but I'll certainly keep an open mind about any haunted Halloween anthems you can come up with.
Alright, that's enough blabber. Start listening to the Halloween songs, please spread the word, and lemme know what you think!
The 20th Anniversary Halloween VHS Snow Globe Set: Glitter Blood!
So back in 1998, they were celebrating the 20th anniversary of John Carpenter's Halloween and decided to release something special for the fans who wanted to celebrate the occasion. Any lucky fan who happened to wander into a Suncoast video store could have stumbled upon this limited edition 20th Anniversary Commemorative Halloween VHS snow globe set. Man... Suncoast video stores were a real godsend to horror movie fanatics like myself back in the day. Their horror sections were always filled with movies that no other stores carried, and they also had a knack for selling some great monster toys too.
Anyway, I was sold the instant I laid my eyes on the little blood splat on the packaging which read "'Snows' Glitter Blood". Glitter Blood! If we were talking about one of the Twilight flicks, it would sound incredibly lame, but since we're talking about a snow globe that celebrates Michael Myers, glitter blood sounds pretty damn awesome.
Now getting the widescreen edition of Halloween on VHS at the time was a nice treat, but I already had a copy of the movie, so there's no denying that the real selling point here was getting the beautifully bloody snow globe.
Yeah, I feel pretty comfortable saying that this is probably my all-time favorite movie tie-in novelty item. The snow globe features a reenactment of the scene from Halloween in which Michael Myers is trying to kill Laurie Strode near the couch. I don't even know why they refer to it as a snow globe. They should just call it a blood globe in this case.
It's really insane when you think about it. Halloween is an absolute classic horror movie that knows how to scare, but it does so with pure atmosphere and hardly any blood whatsoever. So, seeing Michael Myers attacking Laurie Strode with a virtual hurricane of blood flying everywhere, is a lot like watching a long lost scene that John Carpenter left on the cutting room floor.
Hit the jump to see the commemorative Halloween snow globe in action:
(more...)
Some Things I Saw At The 2012 L.A. County Fair. Plus, Ghost World Toys!
In addition to showcasing the horrors of the L.A. County Fair, I also shot an extra video while I was there in which I scream my head off at just about everything in sight (including the haunted attractions). If you've seen my recent E3 and Anime Expo coverage videos, then you already know what you're in store for. Enjoy!
click here for high quality video]
In other Halloween news, I just picked up some vinyl toy Ghost Land ghosts at a local shop and I think they're pretty great:
These blind box toys are made of translucent vinyl and come in really nice collector tins with silhouettes of a town haunted by floating spirits. The name of this particular ghost is called "Working Stiff" as evidenced by the tie, but you wouldn't think he had a boring office job, because he's just so damn happy. Here's what his tombstone epitaph from the booklet says: "Working Stiff: An office warrior who battled job cuts and haircuts until he became a victim to the daily grind." He sure looks upbeat for a ghost with a difficult past like that, doesn't he?
They come in a variety of colors and I had to have more than one (all ghosts should have a buddy to hang out with), so I went with the traditional blue and a more Halloweeny orange. I like to think that they're both part of a sponsored rideshare program, because they both want to cut down on usage of their cars, and so they'll have someone to talk to during the long commute. The daily ghost grind is far more bearable when you have a pal to go through it with you.
Other figures in the set include ghosts themed after alien cowboys, blowfish, two-headed monsters, and more. I highly recommend picking them up as they're pretty cheap (mine cost $5.00) and make great display pieces for any Halloween season and beyond.
Colgate’s “Wicked Watermelon” Halloween Toothpaste. Plus, A New Contest!
It was bound to happen sooner or later, what with products like Halloween Soda and Halloween Tacos coming out in recent years, and now the moment has arrived: Halloween now has a toothpaste. Believe it or not, the Colgate company has just put out a new line of "Wicked Watermelon" flavored Halloween toothpaste that comes in two different glow-in-the-dark seasonal containers. One's a jack-o-lantern, the other has ghosts flying all around it.
You know what I think of when picturing wicked things during the Halloween season each year? Watermelons. I mean, who wouldn't, right? Watermelon is just as synonymous with Halloween as peppermint bark is with Labor Day Weekend. Pumpkin spice? Nah! Candy apple? Pfft! Give me watermelon on devil's night, so that I may defend myself by spitting seeds at all the ghouls who try to swallow my soul.
More importantly, raise your hand if you associate the refreshing act of brushing your teeth with the flavor of watermelon. Doesn't everybody? The scent of watermelon wickedly overpowers your nostrils the second you pop open the container lid. And the flavor... my god, it is so incredibly strong when the green / turquoise paste hits your taste buds. The only thing I can equate it to is that it must be just like what brushing your teeth with a watermelon Jolly Rancher candy melted down to liquid form would feel like. It just feels wrong... wickedly wrong. It's seriously hard to imagine something that tastes like this is actually cleaning your teeth instead of rotting them away with every stroke of the toothbrush.
And speaking of wrong, you see how both of the packages claim to glow-in-the-dark? Yeah, about that...
As you can see, one of these packages lives up to its claims... while the other on the left is a bold-faced liar. I'm looking at you, smiley jack-o-lantern tube of watermelon flavored toothpaste. You're not fooling anybody. I held both of them up against a bright light for a good 60 seconds, and the pumpkin just isn't glowing at all. So either this one is defective, or somebody at Colgate screwed up and was hoping nobody would care enough about Halloween toothpaste to complain.
On the plus side, while only one of them actually glows-in-the-dark, both tubes of toothpaste look absolutely fantastic when backlit. With that eerie green glow, I'm not sure if these are these holding toothpaste, or if they contain liquid Satan just like in my favorite horror movie, John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. Pray for death!
Now I could've just ended this entry on that note, but then again, it's not every day one gets to test out watermelon-flavored Halloween toothpaste. Naturally, this calls for some Halloween toothpaste art:
I decided to use the toothpaste to draw a simple jack-o-lantern, but controlling the drip was far more difficult than I had anticipated, and getting the teeth to look decent was damn near impossible. They don't even look like teeth... it just looks like he has some kind of horrible, swollen gum disease. But oral agony aside, it still turned out okay.
Now I understand why Pollock made big, beautiful messes on the canvas instead of detailed figures. Speaking of which, has anybody laid claim to be described as the "Pollock of freeform toothpaste art" yet? If not, I'm totally calling dibs on that title. That could be my easy ticket straight to those highfalutin art gallery shows with wine and cheese and people wanting to pay me a bajillion dollars because I decided to splatter some green toothpaste onto a sheet of paper, tack it to a wall, and call it art. Yesiree... that'd be the good life. And the good life would smell like watermelons.
***CONTEST*** It's time to stop brushing your teeth and to start putting toothpaste to good use for a change! Using whatever varieties of toothpaste you have at your disposal, create some kind of Halloween picture on a sheet of paper. It doesn't matter how bad you think the toothpaste art looks, just make sure it has a Halloween theme of some sort. I'll be judging these solely based on creativity and not your technical skills as a toothpaste artist. Once you've created your piece, take a photo or two of it and send it in .JPG format to me along with your title for the piece. Submit your entries via email to webmaster@i-mockery.com with the subject line "I-Mockery Halloween Toothpaste Art Contest". All entries are due by Sunday, October 7th.
All entries will be put on display here on I-Mockery in a special Halloween toothpaste art gallery along with whatever titles you give them. One lucky winner will receive a special Halloween care package from yours truly. You can enter as many times as you like and this contest is open to everybody around the world, just make sure you have your entries turned in no later than Sunday, October 7th. Good luck to all who enter!
The Artwork For “Halloween III: Season Of The Witch” Collector’s Edition Is Awesome.
I'm sure you know that Halloween III: Season of the Witch is one of my all-time favorite horror films for a variety of reasons, but up until now, it has never received a release that would make you think they cared about it. That all changed when I saw Shout Factory's (or as they call themselves on Halloween, "Scream Factory") artwork for the new "Collector's Edition" Blu-ray & DVD coming out this month. Check this out:
Does that not absolutely embrace everything that's awesome about the movie? Look how Conal Cochran is hovering above everyone, acting like the evil puppet master that he is, preparing to play the ultimate trick on the children of Halloween while his robots wait silently below. Fantastic. I also love how they made it looked like an aged, folded promo poster, as if it came straight out of an old VHS rental store back in the eighties. I'm sure they still have to go through some "final processing" before they can release these Silver Shamrock approved discs, but I simply can't wait to get my hands on 'em. I'm sure they'll have a time getting it here.
They have some other great looking releases too, including Halloween II, The Funhouse, They Live, and The Island among others. Take a look:
It's nice to see these seemingly unappreciated movies getting the love that's been due for decades, so kudos to Scream Factory for making it happen and to Nathan Thomas Milliner for a job well done on the artwork. I've also heard that they're working on releasing a collector's edition of Phantasm II, so let's hope it happens, cuz we can all agree that one is loooooong overdue. Boyyyy!
Are there any horror flicks finally coming out on DVD that you're excited about or any that you're still waiting to see get a proper release? If so, lemme know!
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