I just kicked off the Christmas holiday season in less-than-merry fashion. So, when I was a kid, I got into a bicycle accident (face first with a truck) and my front teeth were shoved back up into the gums as a result. Yeah, it hurt. I had to have all kinds of dental surgeries back then, they told me that one of my front teeth was dead and would likely fall out later in life. Well, despite being dead, yellow, and subjected to more Halloween candies than you can imagine, that tooth hung on for decades against all odds. Sadly, I was recently informed by my dentist that it was time for the tooth to go, for it had dropped down some more and I was risking infection. So this is how my Christmas holiday season started off - with a tooth extraction.
I only wish they offered some kind of twinkling LED Christmas light novelty replacement tooth that I could wear all December instead of a normal one, because I'd be all over that in a heartbeat. But hey, if nothing else, I at least got a wonderful holiday greeting card out of it:
I'll miss you, ol' front toof. R.I.P. my yellow friend.
Anyway, as you can see, the Christmas holiday season has begun here on I-Mockery. I've got a really busy month ahead of me, but I'm gonna do my best to keep the site updated with all kinds of jolly goodies. And don't forget, we have a big Christmas Collection archive of articles and games here on the site to keep your bells jingling all month long, so be sure to check it out.
UPDATE: Part 2 of my Comikaze video is now online. Scroll down to watch it.
A few months ago, I went to Comikaze 2012 and got a bit overexcited once again and started yelling at everything in sight. I don't know why this keeps happening, but I guess it's good for you since a camera guy was following me around to document the entire experience. Here's part 1:
And here's part 2:
Hope you enjoyed both videos, cuz they're a lot of fun for me to shoot every time. As always, please drop a comment on the Youtube page and subscribe to my channel if you haven't already. More videos to come!
Halloween may be over, and I hope you all had a great one and made the best of it, but I still have another spooky surprise for you today. It's episode 5 of my ongoing Yeah, That Exists series, and this time I pay a visit to one of my all-time favorite yard haunts that's been running for twelve years now: Boney Island! Please check it out and drop a comment on Youtube to let me know whatcha think:
Incredible isn't it? It's hard to imagine all of that exists in somebody's front yard. A huge thanks to Rick Polizzi for letting me interview him and for putting together one of the most incredible yard haunts I've ever seen. Hit the jump for some additional still photos I took of Boney Island during my visit this past week. (more...)
Elections? Pfft! Frankenstorms? Pshaw! We are all here to celebrate the most important holiday in history, and nothing is going to prevent us from doing so... not even having the holiday take place smack dab in the middle of the work week! This is the time when we toss aside those brains of ours that are constantly trying to grow up. This is the time when we pay complete strangers a visit and demand they give us all the sugary treats in their possession or face the wrath of having their property adorned with eggs and toilet paper! This is the time when we watch countless horror films, because they may not always scare us, but they feel like a familiar old friend returning home to keep us company. This is Halloween.
I already went out in costume with Re and some friends this past weekend to various Halloween yard haunts and gatherings, and we still plan on going trick-or-treating tonight. This year, I am Keytar Commander (yes, Cobra Commander with a keytar) and Re created her own interpretation of a red devil with a Venetian carnival mask. It wasn't planned, but I love how our red and blue outfits really seem to go together... it must be the keytar. Yeah, I'm gonna credit the keytar for being the glue that makes our costumes work. Once again, I have to send a big thank you to 80sTees for sending me the Cobra Commander costume. As you can see, it's the only official costume out there that features him with his hood instead of his traditional mirror mask helmet. If you grew up playing with G.I. Joe toys like I did, this version of the Commander was your most cherished one because he was only available for a limited time via a mail-away offer. Sadly, he was never available with a keytar.
As you probably know, I dedicate an entire two months to Halloween every year. It's a huge undertaking that swallows my life from September 1st - October 31st, but I have an incredible amount of fun doing it. This year, I feel like I wrote more "big" feature articles than I have in quite a while. Not sure what it is, but my energy and excitement for Halloween this season just has not waned at all over the past two months. We've covered a ton of ghoulish ground, and I hope you've all enjoyed every macabre minute of it. Here's a recap of some of the highlights this season:
-We were reminded that Hausu is an absolutely insane Japanese horror film.
-We learned never to take a cat on a yacht.
-We looked back at Supernaturals Ghostlings and realized they just might be the greatest holographic Halloween ghost toys ever made. Okay, they're also the only ones.
-We unveiled the Jack-O-Juke - a Halloween music jukebox with over 180 spooky songs and counting.
-We learned some important life lessons from Beetlejuice.
-We realized that the Ghoul Log is pretty much the worst thing ever made.
-We battered your brains with more Greatest Horror Movie Moments.
-We made the case for Halloween Doritos and expect the Frito-Lay company to deliver next year when we remind them about it again and again.
-We visited Knott's Scary Farm for their 40th annual Halloween Haunt.
-We laughed once again at what some people try to pass off as sexy Halloween costumes.
-We were hypnotized by the glitter blood in the Michael Myers Halloween Snow Globe from the special 20th anniversary VHS set.
-We saw a Blaxploitation ripoff of the Exorcist called Abby.
-We saw the construction of a Haunted Gingerbread Mansion.
-We remembered that Vintage Halloween Cards are far creepier than any modern horrors.
-We found that no sticker collection is complete without some Monstickers.
-We were even traumatized by Scary Moments in non-horror films too.
-We conducted another thorough Halloween Candy Taste Test.
-We battled our way through all the glorious 8-bit gore in Abadox: The Deadly Inner War.
-We viewed some amazing Foreign Horror Movie Posters.
-We were reminded by Chopping Mall that nobody should ever let robots handle their security.
-We learned that some of our readers are incredible Halloween Toothpaste Artists.
You know there is no time I enjoy more than Halloween each year, and having so many of you making I-Mockery your online Halloween home truly makes it all the better. I really try to give you guys the best and widest variety of Halloween coverage you'll find anywhere online every season - from visiting haunts and reviewing movies, to taste testing candies and tracking down the most absurd novelties and more, I always try to make every season special and filled with surprises. If you continue to stick with me, I'll do my best to keep that tradition going strong for years to come.
I'll have some post-Halloween photos and videos to put up on I-Mockery soon too, so don't go anywhere. Once more, I must thank Dr. Boogie and Protoclown for their awesome contributions to our Halloween celebration. Also, a huge thanks to Re for putting up with me as I turned our home into something that looked like a special Halloween episode of Hoarders.
Of course, a huge thanks again to you for sticking with us during our annual "Two Months of Halloween" celebration. It's a lot of work to put all this content together, but it's a lot of fun too, and your feedback definitely helps keep our bloody brains going. If you haven't already, please like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, and uh... tumble us on Tumblr. This is a completely independent web site, and we rely entirely on people like YOU to spread the word about it, so please do so if you can!
Please drop a comment (whether you're logged in or not) in the blog here and let us know what you thought of the Halloween season and what your favorite articles were. Also, let us know what your Halloween plans are and feel free to post photos of your costumes if you're dressing up or your decorations or any other Halloweeny things you like!
Thanks again everyone and Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
fresh meat stale bubble gum! I recently stumbled on these three containers of "Freddy's Bubble Gum", produced by the Topps company in 1988, and simply had to have 'em. First off, I have no idea how these things went under my radar during the height of my A Nightmare on Elm Street fanaticism back in the late eighties. Who wouldn't want bubble gum that's officially endorsed by the Springwood Slasher himself?
There were six different containers, each with a new photo of Freddy and some quote related to him. Here are the random quotes that could be found on the pictures:
-FREDDY THE SEX SYMBOL!
-QUIET - I'M KILLING SOMEONE!
-MY NAME IS FREDDY - YOUR NAME IS MUD!
-HOME SWEET HOMICIDE!
-WHO STOLE MY NAIL CLIPPERS?
Those are some quality quips right there, folks. Bazooka Joe would be totally jealous of those one-liners. But what about the gum? What horrors would lurk within?
While they came in push-up pop shaped containers, the gum itself is more akin to tiny size Chiclets, though they're slightly larger. It's a bit disappointing that the gum pieces aren't shaped like Freddy's infamous glove or anything remotely cool like that. I'd even settle for pieces shaped after his sweater or fedora hat. These aren't even remotely scary and the pastel colors make me think of Easter, not some of my favorite horror movies. Bubble gum aside, these are still fun little collector cases and hopefully I can track down the remaining ones to complete my collection some day. I'm sure it'll happen... it's not like there's a huge market out there for obscure Freddy Krueger bubble gum containers, so they're never gonna cost that much.
Oh, and if you're wondering what the display box for Freddy's Bubble Gum looked like, I tracked down one avid Elm Street collector who took a photo of it complete with all the containers:
Gotta love how Freddy's pictured on the box, just chowing down on the tiny pieces of gum as if each one was a tortured soul from his many teenage victims. The gum itself may not be amazing, but I think we can all agree that more horror icons deserve their own lines of bubble gum. Come on candy companies... pay the licensing fees and make it happen!
More I-Mockery articles about A Nightmare on Elm Street & Freddy Krueger:
-Freddy's 10 Best Kills
-Freddy's Nightmares (pilot episode)
-Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper
-The Freddy Krueger Face & Make-Up Kit
-Freddy Krueger in Mortal Kombat
-A Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy's Forgotten PC Game
-Freddy Krueger's Nike Sneakers
-The "Design A Freddy Glove" Contest Results
-Dokken's "Dream Warriors" Music Video
-Freddy's Amazing Death in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4
-Freddy's Greatest Hits LP
-Freddy Krueger & Jason Voorhees Have A Van
Of all the snack brands out there, it seems like Doritos is one of the biggest to have never truly embraced the Halloween season by offering a limited edition spooky flavor of their chips. Sorry, but that is totally unacceptable. Halloween Doritos need to happen. And don't think I'm here just to complain without offering any solutions. No, I've actually drawn up an idea that came to me right after I finished my recent article about Halloween snack chips, and I think it's something everyone can get on board with.
So it seems to me that if the Frito-Lay company wants to claim their place in the pantheon of great Halloween snacks, they're really going to have to go all out with something that both captures the spirit of the season and the attention of everybody who adores it. For example - take the recent Candy Corn Oreo cookies that took the online world by storm. Whether or not you like the taste of candy corn, the cookies still look amazing, and it's the classic candy corn color pattern that people associate so strongly with the Halloween holiday. It's that very look which brings me to what I consider the perfect idea for a Halloween edition of Doritos. Behold!
Beautiful isn't it? We've already seen Doritos release their "Collisions" packages with multiple flavors, so you can't tell me this isn't a completely feasible product. More importantly, it's something that just about anybody would be willing to try. I may love candy corn, but I'm not crazy enough to think there's a way to shoehorn the flavor into tortilla chips and have it work on any level. However, one could easily take the visual of candy corn and have each of the three classic colors represent three flavors that do work. That's exactly what I've done here, using white cheddar, nacho cheese, and yellow corn tortilla - all three of which are very common in the snack arena.
And don't worry, Frito-Lay... I've already taken the liberty to help design the packaging for these new Halloween Doritos and even gave them a name:
Hallo Cheese! HALLO CHEESE! HALLO CHEEEEEEEESE!!!!
There you have it. "Hallo Cheese" flavored Halloween Doritos! I've come up with the idea and given you the blueprints, it's now up to you, Frito-Lay, to make the Halloween dream of billions (probably an underestimate) come true. Do not let us down.
How you can help: To those of you who are reading this and want to see Hallo Cheese Doritos become a reality, please help out by messaging the official @DoritosUSA Twitter account about them, by posting on the official Doritos Facebook page, and by contacting Frito-Lay directly. They seem to be pretty good about responding to people, so hopefully with enough of us contacting them, the right set of eyeballs will see these Hallo Cheese chips and maybe we'll see them put into production sometime.
Here's hoping we'll all be wiping Hallo Cheese dust off our fingers next Halloween!
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