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The Best Set Of Halloween Lights Ever!

Jason Voorhees wears some NICE mascara on his hockey mask!

I was in CVS last night and could barely contain my excitement when I stumbled upon this set of musical Halloween lights or "Luces Miscales de Dia de Los Muertos" as the box informs our Spanish speaking friends. I already have an official set of licensed Friday the 13th lights along with some Texas Chainsaw Massacre ones as well (which you can see here), but I absolutely had to pick up this generic set from China. First off, I love how the Jason Voorhees hockey mask looks on these ones. Each mask has a nice 'n aged dirty look to it with just a hint of red mascara around the eyes. What... you didn't know Jason enjoys to put mascara on his mask to show a little warmth? Well now you do.

The other reason is because that this light set plays music when turned on. This was the real selling point for me because of the particular song they chose for these lights. I couldn't believe what I was hearing when I turned them on, and you won't either. Allow me to show you:

Yep! They actually decided to put John Carpenter's "Halloween" theme song with this set of Friday the 13th hockey mask lights! It's too bad they don't have a set of lights for Michael Myers, because I'm sure it would play "ki ki ki, ma ma ma" when turned on if they did. I know the two killers wear masks 'n all, but come on... the differences between the two are quite obvious. One's a psycho hockey player, the other is a psycho William Shatner.

This is now officially my favorite set of Halloween lights and they're going to keep my eyeball bubble light nice 'n company. At 13 bux (*gasp* a strange pricing coincidence or perhaps CVS paying a subtle nod to the Friday the 13th series?) for a set of 10, I'm seriously tempted to go back and buy some more of these.



Trick-Or-Treating For Stickers?

Halloween animal stickers... an alternative to candy! Sure, why not?

I'm not sure what the situation is in your town with Halloween merchandise, but most of my local drug stores are already set up with their own unique collections of spooky goods. I drove out of my way to a Target yesterday because their store phone operator claimed all their Halloween stuff was out (it wasn't). Fortunately, there was a Walgreens nearby that had plenty o' goodies for me to check out. As you can see above, I found something a bit... odd.

In the 1985 Halloween Safety film I recently reviewed, we see the girl rummaging through her candy, and she receives some "Dogs and Pups puffy stickers" in the mix. I couldn't help but wonder who the hell would hand out something like that. Turns out, it's not just something that happens in the movies (or educational films), these Halloween animal stickers are for real. What really amazes me is that the box promotes them as a "Great Trick-or-Treat Alternative!"... yep, they expect people to give these away instead of candy.

So my question to you is simple: How would you react if you went out trick-or-treating and somebody tossed these into your bag o' candies? Taking it even further, what if stickers replaced candies on Halloween entirely? Now before you rush to a decision, it's only fair that I show you exactly what these stickers look like, so here ya go:

What would you do if you received this instead of candy?
[click to enlarge]

So what's it gonna be? Bat Cats and Devil Dogs or Wonka Bars and Gobstoppers? Let's hear what you chose and why! The fate of the world depends on your answers. The FATE of the WORLD.



A True Halloween Lunch: The Almighty Peanut Butter & Candy Corn Sandwich!

Peanut Butter & Candy Corn... everything a growing boy needs.

So I was making a peanut butter sandwich for lunch today (aka: "food of the gods") and noticed the bag of candy corn on the nearby counter which instantly brought back an old memory of mine. I'm sure many of you had moms who packed peanut butter sandwiches for you to take to school when you were really young. And I'm sure plenty of you have experienced the ol' peanut butter sandwich with M&M's candies pressed into it to form a happy face of some sort.

Well, seeing that bag of candy corn as I was making my peanut butter sandwich reminded me of when my mom used to make me peanut butter and candy corn sandwiches whenever Halloween was coming up. Same principle as the M&M's one... just press the candy corns right into the sandwich and chow down. While I think M&M's will always win with most people, the candy corns actually go with the peanut butter really well too. They do contain honey after all, and that's always a good match with peanut butter.

So have any of you ever had a peanut butter & candy corn sandwich? If so, what do ya think of 'em? Also, if you have any other Halloween treats from years past that you always enjoyed, let's hear 'em!



Michaels Never Disappoints With Their Spooky Town Halloween Displays!

While we wait for all of the other stores to get their asses in gear for Halloween season each year, there's always one retail chain we can count on for a full two months of Halloween goodness: Michaels. Yes indeedy, Target is still dragging out their "back to school" season with only but a few Halloween candy bags in sight, and the seasonal "Spirit" Halloween stores are popping up everywhere but all they say is "opening in September" with no official set date. But not Michaels. No, they embrace Halloween like it's a long lost love come home to stay, and they embrace it for a full two months just like we do on I-Mockery every year. Actually, this year I started seeing some of their Halloween decorations appearing all the way back in JUNE... how's that for getting an early start?

But getting started early wouldn't matter so much if they didn't have something great to show, right? Damn skippy. Trust me when I say Michaels always has something great to show... behold:

Behind this glass case, lies too much Halloween awesomeness for your cranium to handle.

Target stores and the seasonal shops always have plenty o' fun Halloween things to buy, but it's only Michaels arts & crafts stores that put on a truly an animated show each year. In addition to having some of the most unique DIY Halloween crafts on the market and a nice selection of candies 'n decorations, they always put on spectacular in-store displays of the Spooky Town miniature model series by Lemax. The one near us this year has dedicated more than half an aisle to their amazing Halloween display and it's things like this which make we want to buy a house. Scratch that... a warehouse. A warehouse so I would never be limited by space and could continue to add on to my miniature Spooky Town Halloween collection forever.

I think Beetlejuice is also partially to blame, what with that great model of the entire town that Adam built in the movie. You can't tell me after seeing that town model of his that you didn't want to make one of your very own. Well the Spooky Town collection is very much like that, only better because every year they put out crazy new animated sets from haunted ships, to wax museums, to bloody chainsaw lumber yards, to monster bowling alleys, to bumper car pumpkin rides... truly fun stuff and many of them have built-in sound effects as well. Now here's something that's happened all too often: I'll go into a Michaels shop with Re during Halloween season with the specific intent of helping her find some art supplies or something along those lines. It's all going just fine until I stumble upon their incredible Spooky Town display... suddenly 20 minutes have gone by and I haven't even left the aisle, let alone accomplished what I came in the store to do. That's how ridiculously hypnotic their displays are.

Now just in case some of you don't have a Michaels store near you, I went ahead and took some video footage of this year's Spooky Town display from the store in my town so you too can be hypnotized by its glowing Halloween miniature goodness. Please excuse any glares in the video since they keep these displays behind glass:

Pretty impressive eh? So do any of you have any of these Spooky Town Halloween displays in your homes? If so, I wanna hear about 'em!



The Zombie Gun Range!


A few months back I got a call from some friends who decided at the last minute to go down to the Los Angeles Gun Club and shoot some targets. Having never shot a gun before, I figured why the hell not, and I'm glad I did. This particular gun range has wisely decided to help prepare people from the inevitable oncoming zombie apocalypse by providing them with real zombie targets! My target actually looked like a cross between Skeletor and a business man with an inexplicably shaggy hairdo. I used a 9mm (whatever the hell that is, I'm no gun expert) and sent my paper zombie target all the way to the back wall and managed to hit him almost every time. Problem is, I realized I was constantly hitting him in the chest. That's fine and dandy if you're trying to take down a human, but any horror fan worth his salt knows that you absolutely must shoot a zombie in the head if you want to kill it. You gotta destroy the ol' brainstem! So I adjusted my targeting and finally got in a few perfect head shots on ol' skele-zombie. Mission accomplished.

They did have a few other zombie targets to choose from:

Zombie gun range targets galore!
[click to enlarge]

As you can see, the other two hand-drawn zombies weren't in the best shape. Hell, I'd feel bad about shooting that one zombie with the dislodged jaw and missing hand. Probably because it's wearing a hoodie. Hoodies make everything look cuter... even zombies. Those zombies sure are tricky. They also had a few photos of people in zombie make-up, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity of shooting ol' zombie Skeletor, no matter how tempted I was to shoot those zombie man-boobs hanging over the dumpster in that pic.

If that gun range really wants to help prepare people from the zombie apocalypse, they should start providing people with some famous zombie targets (like the ol' Tar Man zombie from "Return of the Living Dead") along with some heavier artillery. Give people a flamethrower, gatling gun, or a bazooka to take down those undead psycho paper zombie hordes! I guarantee it'd be good for business. The only drawback, of course, is that some of their clients would surely get killed in an accident. I say this because we were stunned at how many bullet holes there were in the FLOOR where we were standing. You can even see some of them in the first photo above and there were far more bullet holes in the floor than that. Clearly quite a few idiots have walked into that gun range before, goofing off with a firearm in their hands and accidentally shot some rounds off directly into the floor. The thought of that, to me, is a hell of a lot scarier than any paper zombies.

In the end, it was a really fun night, we killed plenty o' paper bad guys and I took home my dead paper zombie as a souvenir. Plus, they let us pose with some bigger guns for one hell of a group photo:

Zombies... you do NOT want to mess with us.

And yes, I do look like a Tusken Raider in that photo. Thanks for noticing.



The Ball Is Back… On DVD!

Boy oh Boooooooooooyyy!

Boy oh Booooooooyyy! This is something I'm really glad to see - Phantasm 2 is FINALLY coming out on DVD here in the US on September 15th. For years, it was tied up in legal limbo for a US release, so fans weren't able to watch that particular movie unless it happened to air on TV or they played an old VHS tape of it. I've always been torn between which of the first two Phantasm films I like best, but I always seem to lean towards the second one for its sheer entertainment value. The first Phantasm was a groundbreaking horror movie in every way possible. Angus Scrimm immediately became one of the most memorable and downright creepy horror icons of the past 30 years as the Tall Man, and the movie itself is one of the few that I believe deserves an honored place in the coveted "actually scary" category of horror films.

Phantasm 2, on the other hand, while still creepy in parts, had the very different atmosphere of an action-horror-comedy instead of the bizarre and surreal nature of the original. It's probably the most entertaining film of the series and definitely the more accessible one for the general public. I don't think anybody can deny the awesomeness of Reggie Bannister, the world's greatest ice cream man, and his quad-barrel shotgun in this film. So yeah, chalk me up as one of the people who couldn't be happier to see Phantasm 2 finally getting its long overdue DVD release.

All that said, I gotta say that the release is just slightly bittersweet. Once again, they've swapped out the original classic poster artwork for the insert with some Photoshopped imagery. As you probably recall from my post a few years back, in which I purchased a copy of Maximum Overdrive and mentioned how I hate when companies don't use the original (and almost always superior) poster art from films, this is something that will forever annoy me.

The only other problem I'm having with purchasing it is that Anchor Bay released a badass Phantasm Sentinel Sphere box set in the UK several years ago which I posted about at the time. I'm wondering if we'll ever see that incredibly cool set come to the US now that Phantasm 2 (the only one that was still unreleased) is finally out on DVD. I know the only huge difference is novelty packaging, but I am ALL about novelty packaging, especially when the DVDs come inside a shiny sentinel sphere. So if there was a chance the sphere set was going to be released here any time soon, I'd probably hold out for it. However, since I haven't heard any mention of such a thing happening, and it will probably take them an eternity to get the legal crap for that set sorted out even if they do decide to release the full set (Universal owns part 2, Anchor Bay owns the rest), I think I'll go ahead and get the single DVD. I just want to be able to watch one of my favorite classic horror sequels again. Actually, wait a minute... I could just buy the UK sphere set and stick the region 1 US Phantasm DVDs inside it and my problem will be solved. BRILLIANT!

So what about you guys? Which Phantasm movie is your favorite and why? What are some of your favorite moments from the series? I already shared one of mine a few years ago (and I just updated it so it's in the new site template as well).


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