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Back from the dead… sort of.

by -RoG- on 03/21/2006, 10:36 am

So I've been sick as hell for the past 4 days, and I'm still not over it yet. I've been enjoying a wide variety of symptoms: coughing, sore throat, running nose, headaches, aching muscles, chills, cold sweats... you name it. It's times like these that I'm reminded of just how nasty the human body can be. I shouldn't be able to generate enough snot to fill a wheelbarrow, but I'll be damned if I didn't do just that over the past 4 days. I also didn't get much sleep at all (it's kind of hard to when you're choking on your own snot) so I've spent pretty much the entire time on the couch watching TV.

Now I enjoy a good movie or show as much as the next guy, but 4 days of nothing but that is enough to drive a guy mad. I was at least lucky enough to catch "My Bodyguard" on TV though, one of my favorite movies from my childhood. Long live Ricky Linderman! Now I'm itching to see "Three O'Clock High" as well. Are there any other good school bully flicks you can think of?

Well anyway, I've got a ton of emails and stuff to catch up on, I'll try to have something new up on the site later this week when I'm feeling all better. In the meantime, you can check out the latest piece I did for Cracked: Know Your Gang Hand Signs. Between that and a viewing of "Cool As Ice", you'll surely have more street cred than anyone.

On a final note, it looks as though you guys went all out with the sci-fi geek battle in that previous blog post. I gotta say I'm surprised Star Wars won by such a landslide... I figured it'd at least be a little closer between that and Star Trek.

Alright, I gotta go get some more rest now before the evil phlegms overpower me once again.

23 Comments

Sci-Fi Movie Geek Battle!

by -RoG- on 03/15/2006, 10:33 pm

Ok sci-fi geeks, for no reason whatsoever (other than my own personal amusement), I wanna see you argue about three sci-fi movie series: Star Wars, Star Trek, and The Matrix. If you had to pick one of the series as the best, which would you pick? Furthermore, why do you pick it over the other movie series? What don't you like about the other series? Provide some good arguments for your choice! And no, you can't choose any other movie series. Pretend these are the only 3 sci-fi movie series that ever existed.

Let the raging discussion over sci-fi supremacy begin!

BTW, on a completely unrelated note, I've just put up a "Charles In Charge Storytime Adventure" competition on the forums where the board members will get to create a photoshopped storyline based on the characters from the show. The person who posts the most amusing addition to the story will win a brand new copy of "Charles In Charge: Season One" on DVD! Click here to view the thread and enter the contest!

84 Comments

The ART of GWAR!

by -RoG- on 03/09/2006, 12:30 am

As if my trip to Los Angeles didn't provide me with enough memorable sights, I got to check out the artwork of GWAR in a local art gallery recently. You know, it's kind of weird, I've been to a lot of GWAR-related events, but I've yet to attend a GWAR show for some reason. I've been to two different GWAR yard sales (I bought their Colecovision, which did have some blood splatters on it). I've been to a mexican wrestling match where Oderus and Beefcake kicked the crap out of everybody. And last but not least, I've been to this art gallery showing:

The ART of GWAR!

Don't feel left out though, I brought my camera along and took some nifty pics of all their crazy shit. Check out my gallery of GWAR art pics here!

In unrelated news, my big Wal-Mart web site parody that I did for CRACKED is finally online. I wanted it to look exactly like the Wal-Mart site, so it took quite a few days to finish, but I'm real happy with how it turned out. Lemme know what you guys think!

On a final note, have any of you been watching VH1's new "I Love Toys" show? It's basically a top 100 toys of all time countdown with the same comedians who appear on their "Best Week Ever" and "I Love the 80's" shows. The show has been pretty amusing so far (my old favorites "Moss Man and Stinkor" made an appearance), but damnit, I swear should be one of the people on the show. There's so much they've missed. For example, "Dominos" was one of the toys in the top 100, yet no mention of "Domino Rally"? Come on, there's just no excuse for that. Then they talked about the Rubik's Cube, but didn't mention the infinitely cooler "Rubik's Rings"? See how much they need me for this show? Well, maybe if they do a "I Love Toys: Part Deux" they'll gimme a buzz. Better yet, how about you guys write VH1 and tell 'em to put me on their next "I Love Toys" show. Because... you know... producers treat anonymous emails from humor site fans with great respect.

17 Comments

Thanks for nothing, eBay

by -RoG- on 03/01/2006, 1:07 am

I've always loved eBay. There's all sorts of things I've won on there that I wouldn't have a chance in hell of finding anywhere else on this earth. But today they did something so asinine I can't even believe it. They removed the now infamous "Cadbury Nipple Egg auction" from their site! It had already received almost 11,000 views (which is a lot for a regular ol' auction) and the bidding was currently just over $107. In the auction, I stated that all of the proceeds would be going to the St. Jude's Research Hospital for Children. And that wasn't some scam or anything, that was just the plain truth. My pals over at Newgrounds were also going to match whatever I donated up to $1000 bux!

But guess what? The auction policing fuckwads over at eBay decided to remove the auction because they don't want people saying an auction is going to charity unless it's to one of their approved charities via MissionFish. And if you don't want to use one of their MissionFish charities? Check this horse shit out:

Non-MissionFish listings

1. Sellers may only list items on behalf of a charity if the charity has provided advance written consent for the solicitation. To prove that you have obtained that consent, you must include a scanned copy of the consent in the listing.

So basically, they're making it harder for a person to donate money to a charity of their own choice. Like I'm going to write a letter to St. Jude's and say, "Hey, I'm selling this nipple egg to raise money for the kids you're trying to help save. Would you mind, pending the auction is successful, if I give you all the money?" YO EBAY! IT'S A FUCKING CHARITY! THEY NEED MONEY! YOU DON'T NEED WRITTEN CONSENT!

I shouldn't have to register with MissionFish just to include that in my auction either, but I would have if eBay simply sent me an email and requested that I signup with them. But no, they just deleted the auction without any warning, and thus the money we could have raised was rendered null and void.

I'd relist the auction on there without any mention of donating the proceeds to St. Jude's, but honestly, I think half the reason the auction made it to $107 bux is because it mentions that the proceeds would be going to that good charity. Then again, it IS the one and only Nipple Egg... a priceless treasure indeed. Anybody have any other ideas for alternatives?


Thanks for nothing, eBay

39 Comments

And then God made the nipple… on a Cadbury Mini Egg.

by -RoG- on 02/21/2006, 12:32 am

Today I have an amazing story to share with all of you. It is the story of what I call "The Nipple Egg". I discovered it in a big bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs just the other day and you can learn all about it in the eBay auction that is now running for it:


I-Mockery's "Cadbury Nipple Egg" auction on eBay!

Please bid on it if you are able to, as much (if not all) of the proceeds will be going to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital charity! My pals over at Newgrounds have also agreed to match whatever amount I donate to St. Jude's up to $1000! Who ever thought a little candy nipple could potentially help so many children in need? Please spread the word about the Nipple Egg! Tell your friends, tell other web sites about it, call your local news station. Do your part and the Nipple Egg will live on in our hearts forever! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5669122574

24 Comments

the-gingerdead-man

The Gingerdead Man

by -RoG- on 02/17/2006, 12:56 am

So there's this movie called "The Gingerdead Man" that I had been looking forward to seeing for quite a long time. The name alone is a winner and when you add in the fact that it's a tale about a killer (played by Gary Busey no less!) who gets reincarnated in a bakery as a homicidal gingerbread man, you expect nothing less than a horror-comedy masterpiece. And just look at this cover:

The Gingerdead Man - starring Gary Busey!

Just look at that, it's beautiful! They even used the free "Godzilla" font for the box art for chrissakes. Gary Busey. Killer gingerbread man. Cheap fonts. How could this anything but entertaining!? Seriously folks, I was expecting the next Jack Frost movie here. Instead, I'm extremely sorry to report that it's one of the most uneventful movies I've seen in quite a long time.

First off, the ENTIRE movie takes place inside of the bakery where Busey the psychopath is brought back to life as a homicidal gingerbread man after his ashes are mixed in with some cookie dough and blood (don't ask). When he comes to life (about a HALF HOUR into the movie which is ONLY 60 minutes long!!), he's as small as a regular gingerbread man cookie. He then starts eating a bunch of the other baked goods, so naturally I assumed he would grow bigger and become a giant raging cookie. But no, he doesn't, he stays the same size and instead makes a few bad jokes here 'n there. It comes off like "Child's Play" without any of the good one-liners or budget to back it up.

Second, I'd say about 90% of the movie is spent on character development. It's a movie about a fucking homicidal cookie, you don't need character development! When people rent a movie called the Gingerdead Man, they are expecting to see some damned amusing kills, and it's the job of the moviemakers to make 'em happen. The only thing they made me do is wish I rented "The 'Burbs" for the 500th time in my life instead. (shut up, it's a fucking great movie and if you don't agree, leave this web site right now)

In the end, the movie is only 60 minutes long, yet it feels like an eternity due to the fact that nothing really happens. The death scenes aren't even worth mentioning, you quickly grow tired of seeing the same two rooms of the goddamned bakery (couldn't they have at least tried shooting some of the film in a friend's house for a change of scenery? I expected a little more from the same guy who directed "Trancers".), and not even Gary Busey's crazy ass will make you crack a smile upon viewing any of it. It had all the promise of the next great horror-comedy, but it failed on every level, so do yourself a favor and skip this one. Not that I need to tell you to do that. I'm probably one of the only guys in the country who gives a shit about renting a movie starring a killer cookie.

So have any of you actually seen this disaster of a film? If so, what'd you think. If not, name another horror movie you were really looking forward to that was a big let-down.

20 Comments

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