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The Most Amazing Product Description EVER.
My friends, you're in for a hell of a treat today, for I stumbled onto a costume accessory at the local Halloween Club seasonal shop that will absolutely astound you. This is something that has ravaged my mind for the past week and only now am I able to even muster the strength... no... the courage to post about it. What I thought was a mere pirate sword turned out to be much, much more upon closer inspection. Let's start with the actual product first:
You'd think it would be called something simple like "Pirate Sword" or "Pirate Scimitar", but no, they went with the far more intriguing "Battery Operated Power Weapon" instead. A name like that really makes you believe you're about to purchase more than a mere sword... you're purchasing a weapon with powers that are only limited by the quality of the batteries found within. And then there's the matter of the packaging artwork:
Who is this warrior woman who appears to be straight out of a Conan film? What is the sword doing to her? Is she drawing powers from it? What's with the bird perched upon her shoulders? Is her backstory something akin to The Crow, and now she's back for revenge with the help of her Battery Operated Power Weapon? All I know is, I would stay the hell out of her way, because when she's done having orgasmic reactions to her weapon, chances are she's gonna go out and murder people for fun.
None of this, and I mean NONE OF THIS compares to what I found on the back of the package. Click "more" to hit the jump and have your life changed forever: (more...)
Michaels Is Ready For Halloween: The 2010 Spooky Town Store Displays!
If there's ever a sign that Halloween is right around the corner, it's when Michaels arts & crafts stores first put up their annual Spooky Town displays that cause me to stand in the aisle like a zombie in a trance for what seems like hours on end. I've discussed them in years past, and the lengthy displays of spooky miniature figures and settings, complete with sounds and animation, simply never disappoint. This year may have been their earliest jump on the Halloween season yet. I took these photos on August 11th, almost three months before Halloween even occurs, and as you can see, they had EVERYTHING out. Styrofoam tombstones, pumpkins, skulls, witch brooms, trick-or-treat bags... yes indeedy, Michaels was actually ready for Halloween that early on. I don't know who at their company makes the decisions about when to put up seasonal holiday items, but they clearly get it and I graciously tip my pickle hat at 'em. I took a bunch o' photographs of their latest Halloween merchandise along with some video of their 2010 Spooky Town collection, so hit the jump to see all the footage! (more...)
Stab The Pumpkins! I-Mockery’s 2010 Halloween Season Has Begun!
Who here is thirsting for a tall glass o' spooky? I sure am. I'm as ready as I've ever been and this can mean only one thing: Halloween season has officially begun! In keeping with tradition, September 1st marks the beginning of I-Mockery's annual "Two Months of Halloween" celebration. Everything you see on this site between now and October 31st will be filled with monsters, horror movies, candy and any other Halloween-related things I can get my grubby hands on, so whether you're ready or not, it's time to start getting into the spirit of the season. I've said it before and I'll say it again... this is by far my favorite time of the year. Yeah, yeah... the winter holidays are fine and dandy with sledding and presents, but there's no greater gift than watching crazy horror movies while gorging on the spoils of a successful trick-or-treating adventure. You earned those gifts. You went out there and collected them yourself!
So yeah, I see no reason why Halloween shouldn't be celebrated for more than a month. One month just isn't enough, so we're gonna continue celebrating Halloween for two like it deserves, and there's not a thing anybody can do about it. Halloween was already rising up from the grave early this summer, and I'm happy to report I've seen a plethora of the seasonal shops popping up around town in the past month. Chances are it's the same case where you live too. And really, what other time of year can you find steady employment where you are asked to dress up as a monster and scare the crap out of people in a makeshift haunted house attraction? Bad economy be damned! There is no better time of year, my friends, and there's no better time to be hanging out here on the site with us to discuss all things Halloween. We're a big Halloween family, and now you're part of it.
We pride ourselves on doing Halloween better than anybody else on the web, so we've got all sorts o' spine-tingling things planned for the 2010 Halloween season here on I-Mockery. It's going to be a hell of a fun time filled with more random spooky goodness than you can shake a cheap, novelty dollar store severed hand at. That being said, if any of you have suggestions for Halloweeny things you'd like to see us cover, please let us know here in the blog thread or shoot us an email. It doesn't matter if it's a Halloween event taking place in your area, a horror movie, an independent seasonal costume shop, some new candy, or some completely bizarro new Halloween novelty... we wanna see and hear all about it, so please get in touch!
To those of you who aren't well acquainted with our annual Halloween celebration here on I-Mockery, I recommend you check out some of our main Halloween attractions. And hell, even if you've been with us for years, it wouldn't hurt to look back over all that old stuff to help get in the spirit o' things.
-I-Mockery's Halloween Collection: Here you'll find quick 'n easy access to most of our Halloween material from the past. Extremely in-depth horror movie and candy reviews, product reviews, and of course the boppin' Halloween adventures of Count Pop himself along with other oddities.
-The Halloween Grab Bag: Much like our "Shorts" section, this is a place where you'll find our smaller Halloween articles, but often covering some of the weirdest stuff we've ever stumbled upon.
-The Greatest Horror Movie Moments: Another favorite is our ongoing quest to document some of the finest moments in horror movies. Sometimes they're moments you're well aware of, other times, it's stuff you probably never knew existed. Either way, if you're looking for some horror movies to check out this season, this is a good place to start.
-Trick-Or-Treat Adventure: Our largest Flash game to date... and it's all about Halloween. If you're a fan of classic adventure games such as Monkey Island and Space Quest, you'll feel right at home with this one as you go on an adventure to build a Halloween costume and then collect enough candies before you battle the ultimate evil! It even auto-saves your progress as you go play, so you don't have to beat the game all in one sitting.
-Haunted House Candy Hunt: In this Halloween flash game we pay tribute to the games of the Atari 2600 by creating an all new one in the same style. You must guide two buddies (who just so happen to be from a galaxy far, far away) through all the treacherous rooms of a spooky haunted house as they hold hands. Should you reach the end of the game, you'll have a showdown with the ultimate candy hoarder - The Grim Reaper himself! I've also heard from a reliable source (ie: myself) that there's a secret level select hidden somewhere in the game. But you don't need that anyway, right? Cheater!
-MonsterTime: With our most recent Halloween flash game, we pay tribute to the arcade classic BurgerTime. Only difference is, instead of building burgers, you're building classic monsters to save you from the modern slasher monsters who are in hot pursuit of you, Doc Mock!
-Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum: Doc is currently looking for a new home to shoot his show in, but we have over 30 archived episodes already after just one year! If you're looking for a good cheesy b-movie flick, check out some of the Doc's episodes, including the 2009 Halloween specials!
In addition to a ton of new feature articles, you can still expect our regular site updates to the Blog (don't forget the archived Halloween blog entries from years past) and Weeklies section (yes, they're back) this season. We've also got some great Halloween contests in store for you to participate in as well. I-Mockery's big 2010 Halloween season has finally begun and I hope you guys will stick around the entire time to join in all the fun!
Today I Lived Out A Childhood Dream: I Got To Hang With Rowdy Roddy Piper!
Back when I was a kid, I dreamed of going to a big Wrestlemania event to meet Rowdy Roddy Piper. He was by far the most entertaining wrestler of what I (and any sane person) consider to be the golden age of wrestling. His character was loud, obnoxious, filled with Scottish rage and absolutely hilarious as he antagonized countless others in and out of the ring. Oh how I longed to see "Piper's Pit" in person. Well, that childhood dream came and went and I figured I'd never get to meet my kilted hero.
Well, that all changed today. Behold!
Yep, my all-time favorite WWF superstar, Rowdy Roddy Piper, was doing a comedy video shoot earlier today for Funny Or Die and I was lucky enough to be one of the guys in it. Obviously, I can't spoil any details about the video, but I guarantee it's going to kick ass (we were all out of bubblegum) whenever it goes live. For a guy who played such an antagonistic character in the public spotlight, Roddy was as nice as anybody I've ever met. He hung out and cracked jokes with us during the entire shoot, and you could tell he was genuinely happy to be there. So yeah... this was definitely one of those days I'll be remembering for quite some time to come. The the childhood eighties WWF fan in me simply couldn't be any happier today. Gonna have to try catching him the next time he does some stand-up comedy too.
While you wait for the FoD video to launch, here are a few articles of ours involving Roddy Piper's finest exploits outside of the ring:
-"Tag Team" Pilot Episode (starring Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura)-
-Cyndi Lauper's "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough" music video!-
-Hell Comes To Frogtown!-
A Belated Comic-Con Interview Video.
Looks like this is one of those weeks where I'm getting caught up on things now that our move is pretty much done with (except for the unpacking part). I already put up the long overdue photo gallery from our road trip to Mexico, so be sure to check that out if you haven't already. I was also just informed by Sam Proof that he just posted a lil' interview we did at the 2010 San Diego Comic-Con, so be sure to check this one out, because I unveil a *secret* about one of our recent games and you'll also get to see more footage of Abobo's Big Adventure in action!
You can watch the interview in a larger window here. He also stopped by our booth last year and you can check out that interview here if you missed it. Thanks again to Sam for doing another interview with us... hope we can do another one in 2011!
Upon An Oaken Throne, This Black Metal Master Awaits Goblets Of Royal Blood.
NOTE: Episode re-airs Saturday, November 20th at 2:30pm PST on G4. The segment is about the three "toughest rockers" - Ozzy, G.G. Allin, and Mayhem. Hope you can catch it! It's also available on iTunes, PSN, Xbox Live and Zune.
Yep, that's me. There's a new show called "That's Tough" coming to G4 TV in October focusing on the toughest people, places and things in the history of the world. Naturally, they chose to have me be on it. Har! They actually had me playing the lead guy from the infamous Norwegian black metal band Mayhem who killed himself years ago. Not sure when the episode / segment is gonna air for sure yet, but I'll be sure to post about it as soon as I hear more.
Anyway, it was a great shoot and I had a lot of fun being up on stage with that severed pig head while screaming in front of a crazed, headbanging audience. I've been a rocker of some sort in the last two shoots I've done... looks like I'm already being typecast. Actually, seeing myself in all that makeup really brings me back to the days when I was working on the ol' Metal Mockery site as I'm sure many of you old school I-Mockery chums recall. The Logo Deciphering section was always my personal favorite part of that site. Good times.
During some of my down time on the shoot, I was checking out one of the boxes filled with props and I found something that I knew would make for a perfect picture:
By combining my black metal costume with the baseball gear I found, I turned myself into a member of the Baseball Furies gang from The Warriors! Now if you'll excuse me, I clearly need to go find some nail polish remover.
QUESTION: If I was going to start up a metal band of some sort, a) what would you name the band and b) what would be my stage name?
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