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a-boneheaded-mix-up-at-target-plus-i-mockerys-ultimate-guide-to-the-halloween-candies-of-2007

A boneheaded mix-up at Target, plus I-Mockery’s Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2007!

by -RoG- on 10/15/2007, 5:18 am

As you know by now, there are all kinds of fantastic seasonal Halloween goodies at Target once again this year. But me thinks they have some lazy quality inspectors working for 'em too, because lookee what I found there:

Uhhhhhh, if those are hands, then my hands must be mice.

Funny looking "Bone Hands" aren't they? Yeah, that's because some geniuses put the wrong backing on the package. Unless "Bone Hands" is a hip new way to describe little rodents, I'm thinkin' they screwed up. And this wasn't the only package, there were a bunch of 'em with the same error. Even if this wasn't an error, I got screwed on the deal because it clearly states on the package that there should be an "8 Count" of the Bone Hands I only got 6. But hey, maybe some of you can help me verify that this is in fact a mistake on their part. If any of you own a pet snake that eats mice as part of its diet, the next time you go to the pet store to stock up on them, just go in and say, "Excuse me. I'm all out of food for my pet boa snake... do you have any Bone Hands in stock?" Be sure to let me know what their response is.

So I hope you all enjoyed the "Halloween Candy Week" last week, I sure had a good time doing it and I'm still high as a kite on all those sugary sweets. For those of you who missed out on it, fret not, for it's all up online for you to see now in "I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2007". I still might add some more candies onto the list by the end of the month, but for now I think it's pretty damned comprehensive. Besides, there are more pressing matters to attend to at the moment.

For one thing, I've got our annual "Select Your Destiny" Halloween story to wrap up with the guys. It won't be quite as long as last year's mega-story due to how frequently we've been updating the site this season with so much content, but it should still satisfy more than a Snickers. There's also another Count Pop adventure which many of you have asked about already... so yeah, I'm happy to confirm that one of those is definitely in the works. I never know what I'm gonna end up doing for those things, but that's part of the fun of it all his rockabilly radness. Of course, we'll have plenty of other fun Halloween content going up on the site 'til the very end of this month too along with another contest, so be sure to keep checking back for it.

And finally, my biggest surprise of the Halloween season will be an epic Flash game that should keep you guys busy for quite a while. If you enjoyed our Haunted House Candy Hunt game from last year, this one will amaze you so much that you'll want to thank me by stuffing all your credits cards into an envelope and sending them to me as a gift (something I highly encourage btw). We just finished the demo version of it earlier tonight and I couldn't be happier with how it's going so far. I swear, making video games has got to be one of the most satisfying things I ever get to do. It's a fuck-ton of work, but it's fun work and there's nothing cooler than seeing people's reactions to the finished product. I could say the same about all the articles 'n stuff I do on this site, but the games require even more time, so I guess they're extra special to me. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I want to marry them, ok? Ok.

OMG FUNNY TIME HA HA LOL

In a rare bit of non-Halloween news, I just finished my Level 2 improv class with the Upright Citizens Brigade. From what I've been told, it's the hardest level of all the classes, and I'm inclined to believe it. After getting back from one of those 3-hour classes, it's easy to feel really mentally wiped out. There's just a lot of paying attention you have to do, which I suppose is ironic since one of UCB's main slogans is "Don't Think". Anyway, I guess it's good that I learned a lot and survived the level 2 course since a lot o' people supposedly drop out (I think we only had one guy drop out of our class this time). I'm definitely looking forward to moving on to the next classes, but I probably won't start level 3 until after October is done with.

Ok that's all for now, gotta get back to more writing for the site. Hope you all caught the big gallery of 100+ photos (and a few video clips) from the Halloween Horror Nights and Eyegore Awards Scaremoney show. I'm still thinking of going back there a 2nd time because it was so much friggin' fun. What more could a horror fan want than to be thrown headfirst into the worlds of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Leatherface and still live to talk about it? If I'm sure of anything so far this season, it's that Halloween is alive and well my friends... Halloween is alive and well. Hope you're all making the best of it!

19 Comments

halloween-candy-week-plus-re-sings-everyday-is-halloween

Halloween Candy Week! Plus, Re Sings “Everyday Is Halloween”!

by -RoG- on 10/05/2007, 2:15 pm

In addition to our regular articles on I-Mockery, next week will be Halloween Candy Week! Every day next week I will be putting up a new page for "I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2007". That's right, the best and worst candies of the 2007 Halloween season will be reviewed on the site so you can decide which ones to look for and which ones to avoid like the black plague. So yeah, expect quite a sugar high all next week... unless of course, I pass out from eating too much candy, in which case there will be no updates at all. And if you notice there are no updates on the site, please call an ambulance because it probably means that I'm in a candy coma.

In other news, Re has decided to give you an extra special Halloween treat this month! My friends, I'm proud to present for your listening and viewing pleasure, a video featuring her very own rendition of the classic Ministry tune "Everyday Is Halloween":

"well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
cuz to me everyday is halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight

well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'why are you dressed like it's halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene'

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

well I let their teeny minds think
that they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
cus halloween is everyday
it's everyday

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

Mmm, bop bop bop!"

31 Comments

boo-berry-eyegore-awards-halloween-horror-nights-and-more

Boo Berry, Eyegore Awards, Halloween Horror Nights and more.

by -RoG- on 09/30/2007, 4:17 pm

The same exact box as last year? Booooooooo!

Boo Berry is back in stores again, but this year, they didn't even change the box or offer anything new. Even the poster on the back is the exact same as last year! Now, I was about to be completely annoyed with General Mills when I found out that they DID put out something new for Boo Berry this year after all:

Razzle Boo Blitz - Boo Berry and Fruit By The Foot together at last?

Now this is very unexpected... Boo Berry appears to have joined forces with Fruit By The Foot for an all new "Razzle Boo Blitz" flavor. While there's no indication on the box that these are a limited edition flavor, I would stock up on them now while you can because I'm pretty sure they won't be easy to find after Halloween is over with. I haven't found a box of 'em myself and can't comment on the flavor yet, so I'll have to get back to you guys on that one as soon as I find some. Looking forward to eating 3-feet of Boo Berry goodness. (update: after looking more into it, it looks like GM just slapped Boo Berry's face on a Fruit By The Foot flavor that's already been around for a while.)

But as far as the cereal boxes go, come on General Mills... we wait all year long for this stuff. The least you can do is provide us with a little something more than you offer with your normal cereals. Throw in some Boo Berry themed toys or stickers or something in the boxes if you're not gonna at least do a new design for chrissakes.

No bike should be without one!

You included cool cheap stuff with boxes in the past... so it's not like we're asking for too much here.

In other news, next Friday we'll be attending the 5th annual EyeGore Awards "Scaremoney", which will be honoring people such as Roger Corman, Patricia Arquette, Don Mancini, Corey Feldman and more. But the best thing about it? Michael Berryman is going to be hosting the event as the "Master of Scaremonies". It should be a really cool event and after we're done there, we're heading straight to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios.

Friends 4ever!

This year is promising to be their best one yet as Freddy, Jason and Leatherface are all going to be there. What's great is that each of these areas will be treated much like the movies. For Jason, we'll be going to Crystal Lake, for Leatherface we head on over to the Hewitt house, and for Freddy we'll not go to the asylum where he was born, but we'll experience some of the dream sequences from the movie (the Roach Motel scene from Elm Street IV is supposedly one of them!). Naturally, the classic Universal Monsters such as Dracula, Wolf Man, and Frankenstein will be there as well. Even Chucky from Child's Play is supposed to be there. So yeah, expect a lot of great photos from those events and more. (here's the commercial for HHN for those of you who are interested. I wonder if Robosaurus will be there again...)

I'm also happy to report that production is going extremely well on our super-secret Halloween flash game! It's so secret that I might be killed for even mentioning its very existence, but that's the risk I take to bring you guys the latest and greatest news. You can expect our big Halloween game to be unveiled sometime in late October. Until then, have you experienced the horrors of our Haunted House Candy Hunt game yet? If you haven't fought the grim reaper and taken his candy, you don't know what you're missing out on. Who wouldn't want to be a Jedi of Halloween?

One thing I can tell you about this game is that it *should* have all original music by yours truly. I finally got my new MIDI controller (the M-Audio Axiom 25 for you music hardware tech geeks out there) and I'm gonna spend a lot of time figuring out how to get it to do what I want over the next month. It shall OBEY! I've also had to write more text for this game than probably all of my previous games combined, so it's been a lot of fun so far... time consuming as hell, but fun.

On a final note, this Sunday (9/30) also marks the return of my current favorite TV horror hero: Dexter. That's one hell of a good way to say goodbye to September and hello to October if you ask me.

And on a final-er note, make sure you enter our kick ass "Create A Horror Movie Poster Contest!" going on in the forums right now. There are some truly killer entries so far that you've gotta see! Hope you all plan to participate in the contest (if you haven't already).

Survey: We all have particular horror movies that we absolutely must watch once every year come October. For me, it's without a doubt John Carpenter's "Prince of Darkness". It's primarily because I always thought it was one of the few truly scary/eerie horror movies ever made and I love the storyline. So how about you guys? What's at least one horror movie that you always make a point to watch every October to help get yourself into the Halloween spirit?

31 Comments

halloween-infiltrates-christmas-for-a-change

Halloween Infiltrates Christmas For A Change!

by -RoG- on 09/22/2007, 3:25 am

For as long as I can remember, I've thought Halloween has been fighting a losing battle against Christmas. I'm not saying the two holidays are at war with one another and there's certainly room for the both of 'em since I firmly believe you can never have too many excuses to take a holiday (and I happen to like a lot about Christmas too), but I do think Christmas starts popping up too early each year as if to say, "No Halloween, you're not allowed to have the spotlight all to yourself." If you've been in any retail stores, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about as many of them already have a bunch o' Christmas decorations up for sale and it's not even October yet.

So I consider it a rare thing when Halloween actually gets a chance to invade the Christmas holiday season a little bit for a change. Sure, there are always movies like "A Nightmare Before Christmas", but having worked in a video store in the past where one of the employees was completely obsessed with that movie and played it nearly every goddamned day, I grew to hate it. It's too bad too, because I actually liked that movie before I started working there. Still, there are plenty of good Christmas-themed horror movies out there such as "Jack Frost" and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" - so at least we're covered in terms of video entertainment.

You can also get a damned fine Halloween Tree and use it both in October and at Christmas time:

Bubbles make everything better

It's Radko's Shiny Brite Halloween Bubble-Brite Tree! This thing has not one but TWELVE glowing pumpkin bubble lights built right into it and I think you already know about my feelings with it comes to bubble lights. Unfortunately, the drawback of a tree like this is that it's small, and let's face it... the bigger the tree, the more room there will be more room for presents underneath it. More presents equals a happier you - or at the very least, more store credit when you take it all back because you didn't want any of that crap they bought you to begin with. So while the Halloween Bubble-Brite Tree is one hell of a cool decoration, I don't see it ever replacing a real Christmas tree for most people. Still, when I went to my local Michaels store the other day, I found some new Halloween items that could easily serve you well come Santa season.

Now most people simply know Michaels as an arts & crafts store, but the fact is, they really do go all out come Halloween each year. I always make a point to go in there a few times every year during Halloween season, if for no other reason, to check out the fantastic Lemax Spooky Town displays. If you haven't seen them before, you have no idea what you're missing out on. Sure they have a Christmas Town series too, but who wants to look at happy kids ice skating with glee when they can look at something like "Dr. Stretch N. Pull's Torture Factory" or "The Rest In Pieces Mausoleum"?

The fact that that guy looks just like the Tall Man from Phantasm makes this Mausoleum all the more badass.

Even my grandma would agree that the latter sounds far more interesting. Some day, many years from now, I swear I'm going to get a house and dedicate an entire room to having the largest "Spooky Town" display that I can possibly fit in it. For those of you who don't have a Michaels near you, check out this video which showcases some of the many Spooky Town buildings and accessories and how you can create one hell of a cool display with 'em.

So, until I have an entire room that I can dedicate to nothing but animated Halloween displays, what am I to do come Christmas time? It's quite simple really...

Jingle Jangle.
Halloween Jingle Bells!

Found these guys at Michaels the other day and they're the perfect, subtle way to have a little Halloween goodness mixed in with all of your Christmas fun. Best of all, they won't take up an entire room in your house or send you on a nosedive into crippling debt (which is something I'm sure the Spooky Town collection will one day do to me). Jingle jangle...

Survey: What are some other ways you've seen Halloween "infiltrate" the Christmas season?

Also, on a semi-unrelated note, be sure to participate in our latest Halloween contest. I got inspired by our fun horror movie posters discussion in my previous post, so I started up a contest where you guys can make your own. The horror, the horror...

46 Comments

the-lost-art-of-quality-horror-movie-posters

The Lost Art of Quality Horror Movie Posters

by -RoG- on 09/17/2007, 2:10 pm

Perhaps I'm just being nostalgic here, but I think the quality of horror movie posters have been going downhill for many years now. Actually, the same could be said about almost all movie posters, but since it's Halloween season, I'm focusing on the horror posters at the moment. If there's anything I blame for the decline of modern horror posters, it's gotta be Photoshop. See, back in the day, many of the posters were hand-painted masterpieces that made you want to see the movie that much more. These days, however, you can often recognize typical Photoshop filters being used in most posters. A lens flare here, a motion blur there... and don't even get me started on those annoying "collage" posters where you have a group of 5 teenagers looking right into your eyes with very serious looks on their faces while a larger photo of their stalker is in the background. It's kind of disheartening seeing that shit all the time. Of course, I am making a broad generalization here about modern horror posters, and there are always exceptions to the rule.

I guess the main difference about old horror posters is that it seemed like people had more fun making them back then. It wasn't just about marketing the movie in the most cost-effective manner, it was about creating a tribute to the movie that the fans would want to hang on their walls years after it was released. I don't know about you guys, but I'd be willing to bet that there are more people with the original "Halloween" poster hanging on their walls as opposed to "Scream".

So today I'd like to hear what some of your all-time favorite horror movie posters are - old or new. I might eventually put together a big list of the best horror movie posters sometime... not making any promises though since I already have more than enough material to cover for this Halloween season and probably the '08 season too! But yeah, share with us some of your favorite horror movie posters. Feel free to post links to said posters so we can check 'em out.

I'll get things started by sharing one of my all-time favorite classic horror posters:

Orgy of the Dead - John Austin Frazier became a mental patient after watching it. True story...

On an unrelated note, is anybody else as excited as I am about season two of Dexter starting up soon? I swear, it's the best show I've seen in years.

48 Comments

halloween-candy-prototypes-that-never-saw-the-light-of-day

Halloween Candy Prototypes That Never Saw The Light Of Day!

by -RoG- on 09/14/2007, 5:04 am

I'm sure many of you read my big piece last year about the Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2006, and while I definitely have another one of those planned for this season with all new candies galore, there are some candies that we won't be seeing on the store shelves. Not this year or any other year for that matter, I'm sad to say. Fortunately, Dave Jupp (who designs candies and their packaging), was nice enough to contact me after reading my article to share some pics of his insanely cool candy prototypes that were unfortunately turned down by Target.

Anyway, let's get down to the good stuff with a look at some of the fantastic Halloween prototypes from the Chef Goul-R-Dee pantry of candy. If you want to see larger close-up versions of these photos, just click on any of them and they'll pop up in a new window.

Scabtastic!
click to enlarge

First up we have Scab-A-Roni. That's right, edible scabs! Who wouldn't want to peel scabs and scars straight off o' some flesh for a tasty snack? Gotta love it. I could easily see them making Fruit Roll-Ups with these on 'em for Halloween... I mean, they have countless other peel-off shapes on 'em, so why not scabs 'n scars too?

Can't hear me? Maybe you got wax in yer ears, son!
click to enlarge

Next up is the Body Bag of Parts, and while candies shaped like body parts aren't too unusual during Halloween season, it's the little details that make these ones special. Whether it's the arteries and blood vessels on the heart or the glob of earwax dripping from the ear, these candies just offer that extra special something for a truly distinguished horror candy feast.

Give 'em the finger!
click to enlarge

Now here's one that I never thought of... candy Zombie Claws! I understand that having claws can certainly help zombies tear their victims apart to get to the braiiiiiiiiins quickly, but I never knew that they were so colorful! Maybe they're born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline!

Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads eat them up YUM!
click to enlarge

Last but certainly not least we have Just The Heads fish heads candies. Out of all the candies, these are definitely my favorites of the bunch, and therefore, the most heartbreaking since they were rejected. Fish heads are constantly discarded by fishermen, can't we as a society at least find a use for mock fish heads in candy form?

And there you have it, a bunch of candies that never were, but should've been. After seeing them along with what the store display would've looked like, I personally think Target made a big mistake by not going with these. On the plus side though, there will be a new and improved Box of Boogers this year. Dave assures me that this time, they'll both taste better AND look far more realistic than ever before. Really looking forward to eating those boogers! Man, now that's something I never thought I'd be typing.

Survey #1: If you were designing a novelty candy for Halloween, what would it be and how would it look?

Survey #2: Most towns have some Halloween stores popping up by now, so which of you people are going to check 'em out this weekend? Going searching for anything in particular?

Up next in the blog, The Lost Art of Quality Horror Movie Posters

OO LA LA! BRAAIIIIIINS!

28 Comments

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