I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips)

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I'm pretty sure a lady on my street is a spook. Her lawn is never cared for, and we never see her enter or leave her house; just sometimes, the lights are back on. I think that she has an elaborate underground tunnel system to get to her headquarters.
Or other people's houses....
Dun dun duuuuuun
Am I funny yet, guys?
Guys?


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spook

Maybe she has a whole railroad >:

[LordSappington]

I stand by my racial slur

[Chojin]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/RaNkeri/Viski2.png

:rock

ugh. i had some single-malt whiskey last night and it was fucking terrible.

[Pub Lover]

That slur would explain why that UK spy show was renamed MI-5 for US broadcast.

[elx]

I'm pretty sure a lady on my street is a spook. Her lawn is never cared for, and we never see her enter or leave her house; just sometimes, the lights are back on. I think that she has an elaborate underground tunnel system to get to her headquarters.
you are going to be the homer to faulkner's emily

[Kitsa]

:/

My kid just yelled "Fuck! Dammit!" at the malfunctioning playstation. I might need to tone it down a bit IRL :(

[Fathom Zero]

Your kid's Playstationing? Good on you.

[Kitsa]

She knows she puts a movie in and usually something happens. Only, communications are sometimes slow between the PS3 and the TV and often nothing at all happens. She was frustrated.

She's not playing games or anything, she's only a little younger than 1 1/2.

[Fathom Zero]

Ahh. It's a ripe age. I was sticking Batman figures into the VCR then.

[Otto]

I'm still doing that to this very day!

[Grislygus]

you are going to be the homer to faulkner's emily

FACEBOOK 'LIKE'





And dammit chocjin single malt isn't for shot drinkers

[Esuohlim]

Damnit Gus get your cunt over to chess, I've been waiting 40 hours

[Grislygus]

oh shit, on it

[Esuohlim]

GW hoed me over big time and I lost my queen within the first three moves :(

[Fathom Zero]

r9nkrOTl1BE

Slide guitars give me a bonars

[Fathom Zero]

Internet's gettin' cut off. See y'all.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Awww :(

[Esuohlim]

http://i.imgur.com/o2YnZ.gif

[Fathom Zero]

worrrrrd

srs homo porblems

[Pub Lover]

FACEBOOK 'LIKE'
Has anyone explained the pickle system to Guz yet?

[Kitsa]

My dentist's car sort of spontaneously combusted in the parking lot. These are the pictures their office published.

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/spontaneouscombustion1.jpg

I feel bad :( He's a really nice guy. Fortunately no one was hurt and the fire department was right across the street.

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/spontaneouscombustion2.jpg

[Pub Lover]

Did he annoy the IRA by any chance?

Tipping



And also, PEOPLE WHO DON'T TIP. YEAH FUCK YOU. GIMME RED PICKLES I DONT KAIR. servers make about $2 hourly, and most of that is taken out in taxes so our check is usually $0/Void. SO THAT TIP IS HOW I PAY MY BILLS AND BUY MY DRUGS

thrasho you gotta realize that in a lot of places outside of the US people actually get paid full wages to serve food and therefore tipping is really not practiced

Europeans are the absolute worst, man. We're located in a private urban complex that has 1.3-2.5 million dollar high-rise condos, and all we get is business men and investors like every single night. They sit at our bar for hours, always spend like $2k on imported beers/white wine and NEVER tip our bar attendant. but they know damn well better than that. Scandinavians/Germans are the worst drunk people. :(
What should be on your To Be Destroyed list then; Labour Laws that exclude Wait Staff from minimum wage & Employers that refuse to pay their staff properly.

People that steal pens are jerks though.

[Kitsa]

Not that I know of. Like I said, nice guy.

When I worked in the ER, we didn't care if people stole our pens. Usually they took them to sign a form and bled all over them, and that did wonders for our wanting them back.

[Pub Lover]

Those were like cheap BICs, right?

[Pub Lover]

:pagebrak

[Guitar Woman]

hi

[Kitsa]

Those were like cheap BICs, right?

Pretty much...the white-barrel ones that come fifty to a box. We threw away pens like crazy.

One guy asked to borrow my pen, held it in a bloody hand as he signed a document, handed it back to me with blood still on it, and said "Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell the nurse I have active Hepatitis C."

That was one of those "Oh, fantastic" moments.

[Otto]

When I started working at the grocery store we had to bring in our own pens to write down information on checks and coupons. Inevitably the hicks we cater to would want to use our pends to sign their (immediately bounced) checks. I started carrying a fountain pen to work because none of them know how to use it without spraying ink all over themselves.

[LordSappington]

Sometimes, people will just walk in and say they want, say, turkey. They don't specify which kind, and when I ASK what kind they want, they'll say "Whatever." Whenever this happens, I find the most expensive turkey we have, and cut it on a weird cut size like 2.3, so that it's a weird size for sandwiches; like it doesn't fold right on the bread and two slices is too much but one isn't enough.
Fuck those guys.

[Kitsa]

I normally have much love and respect for deli workers, but (man,) fuck the ones who send me home with honey turkey they tell me is regular. EPI PENS ARE BAD TIMES.

[Otto]

They made me quit bringing my fountain pen to work because some morbidly obese black lady managed to spray ink all over her ratty shirt and threw a tantrum and threatened to sue the store because I somehow made here fumble the pen and spill ink over what she claimed was a 300 dollar shirt. I highly doubt that a ratty t-shirt that looked like it had been pulled from the bottom of the dumpster where the homeless shelter throws away clothes that aren't good enough for the vagrants cost you that much!

[Pub Lover]

Designer clothes look like hobo clothes to me. But then I dress like a hobo anyway.

Kitsa, that is particularly not good that they do that, but I am annoyed at you because now I want to eat honey turkey. :(

[Kitsa]

It tastes like itching and burning.

[Pub Lover]

That does put me off a little. Thank you.

[Pub Lover]

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii285/tadao_mockery/Human/smooch.jpg

not in frame: tadao's booster seat

Also; Tadao Boner.

[Wiffles]

T's life is like a roller coaster :o

[Kitsa]

That's only because those of us with fucked-up spines can't go on real ones :(

[Chojin]

speaking of fuct up spines, i went to chiropractor today

it was pretty ok! he snapped my neck like in goldeneye.

[Otto]

speaking of fuct up spines, i went to chiropractor today

it was pretty ok! he snapped my neck like in goldeneye.


My dad's had been seeing a chiropractor for years after a work-related accident permanently damaged his spine and rendered him unable to perform manual labor (he couldn't move to the office division because I think he doesn't even have a GED) and I had registered an appointment with the same chiropractor, based on my dad's recommendation, to help me with my bad back and found out the day after I scheduled that his practice had folded. When I asked why, I was told that he got in a car accident and damaged his back to the point where he was no longer able to practice. I don't think that the receptionist that called me appreciated the irony (or me laughing about it) as much as I did.

[Esuohlim]

I have synesthesia, mostly cross-wired numbers and colors...

I got this too! I didn't even know that it wasn't a universal thing until like five years ago.

Are you extremely good at remembering other people's birthdays too, no matter how little you care about them?

[Chojin]

that's called autism, son

[Esuohlim]

According to internet quizzes with TimeCube levels of credibility, I am autistic :x

[LordSappington]

I normally have much love and respect for deli workers, but (man,) fuck the ones who send me home with honey turkey they tell me is regular. EPI PENS ARE BAD TIMES.
Okay, if someone asks me for regular turkey, I don't do that. I make sure I give them what they ask for if they DO ask for a specific type, but if they just say they want turkey, how am I supposed to know?
Also, yeah, if you say you want regular turkey, they give you honey and insist it's regular, they deserve whatever they get. There's being a dick, and then there's being a lazy asshole.
That wasn't a good analogy

[Fathom Zero]

I can see shapes in my head when I hear music (seeing sounds?)

PTLdTP-gJeA

This profoundly affected me when I saw it in the theater.

[Chojin]

This profoundly affected me when I saw it in the theater.

shit bro, if that impressed you, i'm about to change your goddamn life:

open an mp3 in windows media player

you can thank me later

[Esuohlim]

I make sure I give them what they ask for if they DO ask for a specific type, but if they just say they want turkey, how am I supposed to know?

You ask them to be more specific, stupid

[Chojin]

how is he supposed to do that AND stare at the floor while mumbling an insult he heard on 4chan, genius?

[Fathom Zero]

open an mp3 in windows media player

you can thank me later

lol. That always gave me headaches.

[Pub Lover]

:(
:(

Why that thread? :confused

[Pub Lover]

:pagebrak

[Shrubfest]

That story is a bit sad but a bit cheering too.

As long as he'd paid for the food, of course.

If not, tell everyone you know about how bad it was.

[Kitsa]

I got this too! I didn't even know that it wasn't a universal thing until like five years ago.

Are you extremely good at remembering other people's birthdays too, no matter how little you care about them?


Usually when I remember birthdays it has something to do with me giving a shit, but no, not especially good with dates.

Numbers, certain letters, and music usually trigger colors and shapes to me. I think it's supposed to go beyond whatever crap your brain normally imagines when exposed to music or words, and that certain letters, numbers or notes ALWAYS evoke the same color. For me, 9 has always been sort of a deep, bluish kelly green, and 5 and 7 are slightly different shades of red-orange.

Sometimes music does it too. Certain music makes me see rippling ribbons. It's like having Fantasia going in your head 24/7.

[Kitsa]

Okay, if someone asks me for regular turkey, I don't do that. I make sure I give them what they ask for if they DO ask for a specific type, but if they just say they want turkey, how am I supposed to know?
Also, yeah, if you say you want regular turkey, they give you honey and insist it's regular, they deserve whatever they get. There's being a dick, and then there's being a lazy asshole.
That wasn't a good analogy

I always specifically say that I want the oven-roasted turkey or the buffalo turkey or whatever. I never say, "JUST GIVE ME SOME TURKEY." Because that would be rude :posh

I don't know if it's laziness or if it's ignorance of how allergies work or whether they think that food allergies are some made-up thing to get attention, but it happens a lot. My mom had a run-in the other day with a deli worker who picked up the honey turkey and started cutting it before we realized it wasn't the right thing; she switched it out, but the residue was already all over the machine and her gloves.

Sometimes I just buy the prepackaged stuff and hope for the best.

[Pub Lover]

...you get to think of him as The Hamburglar from now on
:sleep

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

speaking of fuct up spines, i went to chiropractor today

it was pretty ok! he snapped my neck like in goldeneye.

The first few times are the worst. You usually have to adjust your rear view mirror on the drive home.

My dad's had been seeing a chiropractor for years after a work-related accident permanently damaged his spine and rendered him unable to perform manual labor (he couldn't move to the office division because I think he doesn't even have a GED) and I had registered an appointment with the same chiropractor, based on my dad's recommendation, to help me with my bad back and found out the day after I scheduled that his practice had folded. When I asked why, I was told that he got in a car accident and damaged his back to the point where he was no longer able to practice. I don't think that the receptionist that called me appreciated the irony (or me laughing about it) as much as I did.

:lol

[Kitsa]

My neurosurgeon told me if I ever go to a chiropractor he'll kill me himself.

Also, my great-grandfather left one in an ambulance once.

I'm afraid of chiropractors :(

[Chojin]

Also, my great-grandfather left one in an ambulance once.

i first read this like your grandfather was a vigilante EMT who, upon discovering his patient was a chiropractor, ditched his ass

[Kitsa]

That would be awesome but in reality the guy just snapped his neck and broke a clot loose and gave him a stroke. :(

[Ex Leper]

My tape collection has been growing steadily since I made the thread about it.

[elx]

:(

Why that thread? :confused
I think I mentioned before that the loveline is the best area on this forum, I just felt like participating for once! I took willie's thread because I didn't want to make my own, and all of the other ones are creepy.

[elx]

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii285/tadao_mockery/Human/smooch.jpg
when did you get so good at photoshoping? >:

[captain516]

Not gonna lie, Tadao was one of the last I-mockery people I expected to get hitched.

[Fathom Zero]

Fuck, that's who was in my death pool - Harry Dean Stanton.

Damn, that guy is lasting. Good on him.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Way to ruin a romantic moment like Tadao getting married Dyls.

[Fathom Zero]

chat thread, fck you

[Esuohlim]

I bet Tadao is fucking right now, guys

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

We're better start high fiving then.

fuck you spell check trying to tell me fiving isn't a word.

[Kitsa]

Fuck, that's who was in my death pool - Harry Dean Stanton.

Damn, that guy is lasting. Good on him.

He can last for another 50 years as long as I'm concerned. Love that guy.

[Pub Lover]

I think I mentioned before that the loveline is the best area on this forum, I just felt like participating for once! I took willie's thread because I didn't want to make my own, and all of the other ones are creepy.

Ok. Thank you. :(

INTERNET HUGS! :eek

[Esuohlim]

Come on elx, you got laid. Man up.

[Pub Lover]

Yeah, she wishes she could have more random sex. So it turns like she was just like the rest of you all along. :eek

[Pub Lover]

I know I'm not one to talk but isn't that lass that Zhukov posted in the pretty people thread a trifle young? :eek

[Pub Lover]

I want to make jokes about so many things in this thread - Milhouse and sex (because lol), elx being elx, and 10K and his ellipses.

Nothing is stopping you, Champ.

[executioneer]

don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

[Pub Lover]

Now that I can see the picture. Didn't she used to be blond?
That one went the way of Lennie and his rabbits.

[Pub Lover]

Shit Fuck. >:

[Pub Lover]

http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/6259/argaraggarga.jpg

[Pub Lover]

don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Willie, I guarantee I will never post an accurate account of me having sex in one of your threads.

[Pub Lover]

I need the door open for lies though.

[Pub Lover]

I post so many of the lies.

[Pub Lover]

x4Y2UZQ31Ak

[Fathom Zero]

THEY CAN'T HELP IT AND I CAN'T BLAME 'EM SINCE I GOT FAMOUS, BUT BITCH, I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

GETTIN' IT IN, LETTIN' THESE BILLS FALL ALL OVER YOUR SKIN

I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

[Grislygus]

don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

BOY I WILL TELL YOU STORIES YOU WISH YOU NEVER HEARD

[Grislygus]

One of my ex-girlfriends talked to God and God talked back, apparently this also extended to while we were screwing

This means that while I was having sex with a girl she thought she was having a private one-on-once conversation withGod

That's the kind of shit that precedes you being surprise STABBED TO DEATH, and I learned this while I was breaking up with her

[Grislygus]

One of my exes turned out to have a weird, weird, weird obsession with "Asian ball-joint dolls" and liked to pretend that I was "one of her dolls" while we had sex


Once again, a creepy factoid that I learned afterwards

[Grislygus]

Another girl I slept with at a party seemed normal until she somehow got my number and started calling me repeatedly and telling me that I was a victim of identity theft because there was someone who looked exactly like me except his hair had "blonde tips"

[Grislygus]

And those are only the stories that I'm going to tell you. I am a cosmic weirdness magnet, and pretty much the only sane person I ever had a "committed relationship" wit someone working as a nude model, which is a weird story in and of itself

[Fathom Zero]

lololololololol :artstudents

[elx]

don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE
forgive me! :(

[elx]

I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

[elx]

except maybe colonelflagg <3

[Pub Lover]

I thought I had some Plum Sauce in the pantry but it is Mango Chutney. :(

[Fathom Zero]

There's nothing wrong with mango chutney, man.

[Otto]

don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Considering that in accordance with German cultural norms, in order to have sex with a woman I would have to first puncture the right-hand side of her with my mating spike and inject her with my seed while saluting the heavens with a Sieg Heil at the same time, both of which are frowned upon in contemporary American society, you have no need to worry about me ever talking about it in any of your threads much less actually doing it in a close-minded nation such as this one.

[Grislygus]

I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

Barbra streisand


OOHWHEEOO-OOH-OOH-OOOOHOOOOOH

[Fathom Zero]

vWM5D3MwSgA

or their first single

[Kitsa]

I spent the day in the ER. Pretty much all that came out of it was that my gallbladder got a clean bill of health and I figured out I never want a "GI Cocktail" again.

This was pretty much my view all day.

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/hospital.jpg

[Otto]

Ugh, I hate going to the ER. A few years ago I got attacked by a stray dog and had to go there and ended up waiting three hours before someone would see me. I was tempted to put some alka-seltzer tablets in my mouth and run around the waiting room screaming THANKS A LOT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM!

[Shyandquietguy]

Sounds like me and neglecting my dental hygiene. Infected tooth + really bad allergies = cannot breathe through nasal passages.

Except yours sounds alot worse. Glad you're okay, Kitsa.

[Kitsa]

Thanks. Well, it's not my gallbladder, anyway.

I used to see GI cocktails given all the time and never really thought about it. Basically, it's maalox plus some sort of lidocaine syrup, and you drink it. First of all, it tastes fucking horrible. There's a little mint to it, but not much to go on. The entire time you're trying to force it down, your body is saying "noooo, no, I don't think so". But you get it down and then you realize there is absolutely zero sensation in your tongue and throat. Just nothing there.

That sounds a lot more fun than it is. In reality, your mouth is filling up with spit and you think you're swallowing but can't be sure because you can't feel it. So until it wears off (took me about 45 minutes), it feels like either being choked or suffocated to death. Man, I hated that.

[Otto]

Man, and I thought that using chloraseptic lozenges/spray was a bad experience! Well it's good that you're doing better!

[Shyandquietguy]

Oh god damn it, I thought you were talking about an actual drink. :lol
Looks like I need to go to the hospital more! :lol

[Otto]

Don't. Hospitals are horrible places that smell like antiseptic and death, plus if you're under the influence of any kind of hallucinogen you're going to see the hospital in a light that makes their depiction in the film Jacob's Ladder seem like something out of a Disney movie.

[executioneer]

BEST PONY
HELL YES

[Shrubfest]

OH MY HAIRY CHRIST.

My laptop is still not back from the menders.
Husband broke his and needs all the drivers reinstalling.
Borrowed Mammas=Bluescreen.

I'm now at the library. This is horrid. I'm on work placement next week. Te details come via email. Ballsacks.

[Kitsa]

Ugh, shrub, that sucks. I'm sorry.

[kahljorn]

Another girl I slept with at a party seemed normal until she somehow got my number and started calling me repeatedly and telling me that I was a victim of identity theft because there was someone who looked exactly like me except his hair had "blonde tips"

this girl sounds kinda cool

[Pub Lover]

She most likely wanted to be in the middle of a double Gus sandwich.

[LordSappington]

Some guy I know is convinced, after watching a tv program on it, that the universe is a simulation, and God is a programmer. His reasoning: Look very closely at something. Everything is pixelated.

[executioneer]

that is sad

[Colonel Flagg]

except maybe colonelflagg <3

Yes, of course. :)

I spent the day in the ER. Pretty much all that came out of it was that my gallbladder got a clean bill of health and I figured out I never want a "GI Cocktail" again.

I fortunately have avoided this particular slice of loveliness. Not for much longer, however. :(

Very glad your GB is OK. Now make them fix what ails you! >:

Some guy I know is convinced, after watching a tv program on it, that the universe is a simulation, and God is a programmer. His reasoning: Look very closely at something. Everything is pixelated.

He must be great fun at parties. :hypno

[Otto]

Some guy I know is convinced, after watching a tv program on it, that the universe is a simulation, and God is a programmer. His reasoning: Look very closely at something. Everything is pixelated.

Sounds like the beginning of a serious slide into wonderful world of schizophrenia! Better do something quick before he decides to stick it to the matrix by going on a killing spree.

[Kitsa]

Thanks, ColFlagg...basically, it just sort of feels as if my stomach either has a pile of rocks in it, or like it has a cigar stubbed out in it. I think that they were like "aha, fatwoman with a baby, must be gallbladder". WELL, NOT ALWAYS.

They sent me home with a Gastro referral and a supposition that it was an ulcer from my lifelong, arthritis-necessary Excedrin use. Also, I can't have caffeine, peppermint or chocolate, which neatly disposes of basically my entire sustenance up to this point.

[Otto]

I can understand that they'd want you to avoid chocolate and caffeine, but why peppermint? I thought peppermint was supposed to be soothing to digestive problems.

[Pub Lover]

Everything is pixelated.
He must have keener eyesight than me. I can't see the pixels. What with them being atomic. :eek

[Kitsa]

Supposedly nicotine, caffeine, chocolate and peppermint do some sphincter-relaxing in there and allow gastric acids to seep up into the esophagus.

(protip for anal aficionados, I guess...ply your partner with coffee and, I don't know, cigs and york peppermint patties or something)

[Pub Lover]

Also, I can't have caffeine, peppermint or chocolate, which neatly disposes of basically my entire sustenance up to this point.
I would be incapable of living on th... No, wait. I'd be fine. Alcohol. :picklehat

[Pub Lover]

Supposedly nicotine, caffeine, chocolate and peppermint do some sphincter-relaxing in there and allow gastric acids to seep up into the esophagus.

(protip for anal aficionados, I guess...ply your partner with coffee and, I don't know, cigs and york peppermint patties or something)

No wonder I like taking it up the arse so much. :eek

[Otto]

Well that would explain why so many of my gay friends smoke... and do amyl nitrite.

[Pub Lover]

I would hate to live in Australia, but I'd rather be there than the US. :antiamerican

[Pub Lover]

That was supposed to quote something.

[Pub Lover]

I would hate to live in The US, but I'd rather be there than Mexico or Finland. :antiplaces

[Pub Lover]

I'm not even sure why I got so riled to post. A guy likes where he lives despite it being a bit shitty in some ways. Good for him. I don't even want to be alive most days.

[Kitsa]

Idk, when I was recently out of the country it wasn't the Americans being obnoxious tourist assholes.

[Pub Lover]

Have I mentioned that lately?

[Pub Lover]

Fuck balls. >:

[Pub Lover]

http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/6259/argaraggarga.jpg

[Pub Lover]

Idk, when I was recently out of the country it wasn't the Americans being obnoxious tourist assholes.

I think most people are generally shitty and if I was less self-obsessed I might just think they were the ones that should be dead. :eek

[Pub Lover]

Other than what I think.

[Pub Lover]

You know; that it should be me.

[Pub Lover]

I should be the one that is dead.

[Pub Lover]

Is what I am saying.

[ItalianStereotype]

Pub, were you trying to say all of that to little ol' me?

[Pub Lover]

You know.

[Pub Lover]

For attention.

[Pub Lover]

Pub, were you trying to say all of that to little ol' me?

Yeah, I messed up the quotes because I am rather stupid.

Congrats on liking where you live. I wish I liked stuff.

[ItalianStereotype]

D'aww, so adorable

[Kitsa]

I was eating in an Unnamed European City With Lots of Canals and Pigeons once, and there was a British family at the table next to me. They were all wearing Eurodisney clothes and basically everything out of their mouths was some variant of "HURRRRR". They thought it was funny to throw crumbs from their meal on neighboring tables to get the pigeons really close. The proprietor of the cafe went out of his mind...thought he was going to feed them strychnine ravioli and dump their bodies in the canal.

[Pub Lover]

Kitsa, please let me dismissively label them Chavs and be done with it.

[Kitsa]

I dunno, it's rare to find chavs in that sort of family format.

[Pub Lover]

I... what? Really? With both a mother and father? Is that not a thing that Chavs do? My word. :posh

[Pub Lover]

Because 'Eurodisney clothes' pretty much is squarely in Chavs Abroad territory.

[Kitsa]

I didn't see a bit of burberry.

[Pub Lover]

Perhaps I need to look up what Chav means other than direct slur for C2Ds.

[Pub Lover]

I find I have been misusing the word Chav. It did gain popularity while I was away from the UK though, which is why I didn't care.

[Kitsa]

core 2 duos? :confused:

[Pub Lover]

I did look that one up too. So outdated and obscure I couldn't find a thing on it.

[Pub Lover]

It is all just snobbery on my part anyway.

[Kitsa]

Wishing yourself dead just the thing for it?

[Pub Lover]

Other people are lousy & don't feel bad about it? How very dare they!

[Pub Lover]

Oh christ bollocks shit.

[Pub Lover]

I knew was waiting.

[Pub Lover]

I was waiting so hard that I tried to post when I knew I should not have.

[Pub Lover]

More Dylan's Nipples.

http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/6259/argaraggarga.jpg

[Pub Lover]

Wishing yourself dead just the thing for it?

Hating on others is actually a very good way to make me want to die less actually. :eek

[Pub Lover]

It makes me feel a big man.

[Kitsa]

I see. Although I had a charming image in my head of you sailing home for a refresher course on insults.

[Chojin]

elx if it makes you feel any better, i could be convinced to have random sex with you.

maybe if you bought me a nice dinner first.

[Chojin]

also kitsa why are you surprised that your bones are exploding if all you're eating is candy

[Kitsa]

I was being a tad facetious. My generally round appearance belies the fact that I eat a relatively healthy diet. We buy quinoa in bulk and I have my own vegetable and strawberry gardens. I barely ever touch fast or fried food; the grease makes me ill. Damned genes.

I'm just irritated to have once again landed in the hospital in spite of my best efforts, that's all.

[Chojin]

i recommend steroids.

[Otto]

Just do what I do! Get prescribed high doses of atypical antipsychotics like Latuda and Abilify because they'll make you drop a shit-ton of weight while still being able to eat all of the unhealthy food that you want! Also smoke heavily and get a respiratory infection at the same time every year, I don't know if that helps with the weight loss, but I do it anyway.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

It makes me feel a big man.

:love

[Kitsa]

I'm not doing any more fucking steroids...you should have seen me when I was on them during radiation therapy, I looked like Jabba the Hutt

[Chojin]

Just do what I do! Get prescribed high doses of atypical antipsychotics like Latuda and Abilify because they'll make you drop a shit-ton of weight while still being able to eat all of the unhealthy food that you want!

yeah cause that clearly has worked so well

[Otto]

Considering I've managed to lose about ten pounds over the last week, I'd say it's working quite well, aside from the fact that I no longer sleep at night and occasionally faint from low blood sugar.

Also I should have clarified what I said: you can eat as much as you want and whatever you want since you'll be too tired/unmotivated to eat anything aside from one small meal a day, if you're lucky.

[Dr. Boogie]

As I was rolling up the front passenger-side window in my car, it suddenly died. This brings the total number of busted window motors in that car to 3. Once the driver's side one goes, I think I'll just have to try and pawn it off on some charity. Fuck you, Buick.

Also, who the hell puts a cassette player in a 2000 model car?

[Otto]

As I was rolling up the front passenger-side window in my car, it suddenly died. This brings the total number of busted window motors in that car to 3. Once the driver's side one goes, I think I'll just have to try and pawn it off on some charity. Fuck you, Buick.

Also, who the hell puts a cassette player in a 2000 model car?


I WISH I had a cassette player in my car, I'm driving my Grandfather's rusted piece of shit DeSoto and the radio doesn't even work, because I'm sure it has a family of dead rats in there if not a severed human hand. Nothing says fun on the road like driving for three hours with the windows rolled up with no air-conditioning so you can hear the pinhole speaker on your iPod touch!

I guess I should be thankful for getting a free car, but it looks like grandpa's found a way to screw me over and make me look ungrateful even while he's rotting in the ground!

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

As I was rolling up the front passenger-side window in my car, it suddenly died. This brings the total number of busted window motors in that car to 3. Once the driver's side one goes, I think I'll just have to try and pawn it off on some charity. Fuck you, Buick.

Also, who the hell puts a cassette player in a 2000 model car?

That's why you need to get manual everything son. I turned my car off earlier with my window only half way up and was like "Better crank it the rest of the way up with my bicep.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Happy birthday Emu. Level 29 Q->

[Grislygus]

I can'teven focus

[Bubsy]

shoot the arrow straight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dr. Boogie]

That's why you need to get manual everything son. I turned my car off earlier with my window only half way up and was like "Better crank it the rest of the way up with my bicep.

I would have made a greater effort to find a car with manual shit if I had known the electrical system would slowly burn out every part from the windows to the ignition. Also, the oil pressure gauge is permanently maxed out.

And incidentally, the car I rented the last time my car was in the shop had manual windows, and it was a great car.

[Kitsa]

my dad's jeep has that problem, and when they took it to the dealership for a fix they tried to tell him that it was caused by his taping the window up.

Uh, no, taping the window up came after the damn window motor failed.

[Colonel Flagg]

^^^ It never ceases to amaze me - the inherent stupidity of the human race.

Effect, meet cause. :\

[Colonel Flagg]

And I wonder why the government can't balance the budget. :lol2

[Shrubfest]

Computer problems=solved :D

Man bought a brand new one, found the disks to rejig mammas. The universe rights itself once more.

[Pub Lover]

Whatever your man does is your own fault since you didn't teach him otherwise.

Because women have to mother their men. :eek

[Pub Lover]

I was also going to make a joke about short men but I feel too sick by your gross loveline nonsense. All of you should be ashamed. :x

[Shrubfest]

Shush you! Now lick my boot.

[Kitsa]

Ahh, there's nothing quite so satisfying as running into someone who used to torment you for your looks, only to find they've grown quite fat and unattractive in the intervening years :)

Ah, fat triple-chinned, big-assed contentment :)

[Kitsa]

Was behind this guy today.

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/gizmofinger-1.jpg

[Otto]

Ahh, there's nothing quite so satisfying as running into someone who used to torment you for your looks, only to find they've grown quite fat and unattractive in the intervening years :)

Ah, fat triple-chinned, big-assed contentment :)

I didn't even have to wait until after high-school to find out that most of the jerks that annoyed me either got busted for running meth labs, got knocked up by a member of the football team and dropped out, or got shot by a surly Korean while trying to rob a liquor store. South Carolina is kind of like a failure timewarp.

Also my eyesight's not very good, is Gizmo flipping me off?

[Pentegarn]

Was behind this guy today.

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/gizmofinger-1.jpg

Man next time it rains his roof is fucked

[Kitsa]

Also my eyesight's not very good, is Gizmo flipping me off?


He is indeed.

[Fathom Zero]

We have different definitions of biting, then. I guess it's closer to nibbling, yeh.

Of course, even this is a far cry from my usual move where I punch a girl in the tit as hard as I can and throw my arms up in the air like a prizefighter.

[Pub Lover]

Do you then yank on her pigtails and snap her bra strap?

[Fathom Zero]

naw, I towel off the blood and walk out the room like a pimp

[Otto]

All of my encounters like that happen in a room of my house specially designed to resemble the "action room" from Videodrome and I make the girls stick their hands in my chest-VCR.

[executioneer]

SMOKE BLUNTZ WATCH PONIEZ (http://www.synchtube.com/r/filly4)

edit: the hell, I edited the thread title why didnt it change

DOUBLE EDIT: NEVERMIND I'M GONNA GO WATCH WITH MY SISTERS

[Shyandquietguy]

my dad's jeep has that problem, and when they took it to the dealership for a fix they tried to tell him that it was caused by his taping the window up.

Uh, no, taping the window up came after the damn window motor failed.

Was that the service writer? The best way to deal with that is sneak into the work area and ask the mechanics why they think it was the tape causing the issue. You'll be escorted out due to no customers in the work areas. Service writer will get a demerit and eventually get fired for trying to slip in advice.

PS: I agree for manual everything unless you work on your car!

[Chojin]

Considering I've managed to lose about ten pounds over the last week, I'd say it's working quite well

dear fatties of the world: losing a lot of weight in one or two weeks doesn't mean anything. it's likely from a highly variable source like water and will return by the end of the month. also prz stop being so obsessed with weight because your body contains many more things than fat which you can gain or lose. the 10 pounds was probably your liver and kidneys escaping and leaving with all their luggage. get caliper'd or try on tighter clothes and then see how it goes, and you can stop lying to yourself.

i was going to continue this post with a discussion of PSMFs/low-carb diets and Clen, but then I remembered that I'm the only person here who actually knows anything slash cares slash fuck you

i might be extra aggressive from my trip to the gym in retrospect

[Guitar Woman]

Everyone's just afraid that if they get into shape, they'll end up acting fucking weird about it like you.

I guess insanity is the price we pay for those six packs.

[Chojin]

COME AT ME BRO COME AT ME BRO YOU MIRIN BRO YOU MERLIN MY GAINZ BRO

i think my pathological hatred of fat people stems from me formerly being one and seeing how easy it actually is to educate yourself and fix it. it's a combination of the simplicity of doing it, the disrespect for the self in not doing it, and a hatred of my past self on a Karkat level

[ItalianStereotype]

He's right though. Fat hate is fun too.

[Esuohlim]

Work out, eat healthy, exercise, WE'LL ALL END UP IN THE FUCKING GROUND ANYWAY :(

Jack Lalanne didn't even live to 100 like that pussy George Burns

[ItalianStereotype]

Death would be too busy mirin my sick abs

[Chojin]

why improve your life when it's just going to end? with that reasoning, why ever do anything? bracing myself for WAY AHEAD OF YOU THERE BUDDY HA HA

fat people tend to act like they're enjoying a neverending festival of culinary delights equivalent to a nonstop train of blowjobs from swimsuit models. i hear the "life's too short, enjoy yourself" shit a lot (second to excuses about genetics, invulnerability to caloric deficits, and the like). thing is, fatties hate themselves, they aren't satisfied with their lives, and not spending every evening ordering pizza is just not that fucking difficult. enjoy triggering your natural responses to oversatiety for a brief chemical rush, assholes. if you'd just jerk off every time you had the desire to eat a stuffed crust, you'd have the same effect without becoming a burden on society. being slovenly and gluttonous is fun for about 12 hours; making it a lifestyle just causes you to hate yourself and me to hate you. SOCIETY IS BENDING TO YOUR WILL BECAUSE YOU ARE POWERLESS TO NOT SPEND YOUR MONEY ON SHIT TO TEMPORARILY FILL YOUR FLESHY EUPHORIA CREVICES. YOU ARE UNABLE TO CONTROL YOUR MOST BASIC DESIRES. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AN ANIMAL. YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN A RAPIST.

i once left a comment like that on a "fat acceptance" video and probably ruined some peoples' afternoons

[kahljorn]

they had a fat awareness thing at my school once

i guess its ok to be fat now

[executioneer]

it is not either

[ItalianStereotype]

I left a similar comment on a fat acceptance video as well. For six months it was the top rated comment, but then was removed.

I had a fat table in my section this evening. A round top table meant to seat eight people and three fatties took up the entire thing because they couldn't fit into any of our booths. One of them ordered three orders of cheese fries, that comes out to well over two pounds of cheese (around 10000 calories), another ordered a full rack of ribs and a kid burger (over 3500 calories), the last ordered a ribeye and a small order of ribs (around 2000 calories). They each had a Diet Coke as well.

[Guitar Woman]

Who even needs to eat when you've got fucking cocaine?

[Esuohlim]

Dude I'm totally living a fat lifestyle minus the fat, suck it Chojin

[Esuohlim]

I put on some sunglasses while typing that post btw

[Chojin]

i try to hate skinny nerds who do all the shit i mentioned too, but i find that i frequently pity them instead.

really i think i only hate fat people who try to rationalize their fatness, or people who are so goddamn fat that it causes them to have special needs. how do you even let that happen.

[Esuohlim]

When are you gonna learn that you should just hate people for being people man, no additional reasons necessary

[ItalianStereotype]

Skinny kids are way more arrogant than fat people. Some of the things I've seen skinny fags say at work leads me to believe that about half of their body weight comes from their balls.

[Chojin]

this thread is making me crave foods, but i'm already at my limit for the day

good thing i have an ounce of willpower!

[Fathom Zero]

I'm going to go eat 1 1/2 leftover pizzas now.

[Chojin]

don't forget to update your livejournal with a poem about how no one understands your pain first

[executioneer]

people who are so goddamn fat that it causes them to have special needs. how do you even let that happen.
if my weight ever brings me to the point where i need a cane to walk the next thing i'm gonna eat is a bullet

[Fathom Zero]

don't forget to update your livejournal with a poem about how no one understands your pain first

kool kids use tumblr now, retard

get your internet right

[ItalianStereotype]

willie, I don't think you're quite like the fat people we're referring to. you look like you ripped out of a bear uterus fully grown and punch holes in trees. Fat people run out of breath eating ice cream.

[Pub Lover]

I do wish Chojin would start capping us fat fucks like the worthless dogs we are. :(

[LordSappington]

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. Whatever it is, it will be very small and modest.
I was thinking something Doom related. One thought was getting iddqd in the doom font and font size 6 somewhere. Maybe with the Skulltag logo.

[executioneer]

willie, I don't think you're quite like the fat people we're referring to. you look like you ripped out of a bear uterus fully grown and punch holes in trees. Fat people run out of breath eating ice cream.

can i still use the power of self-loathing to get down to a 2xl shirt again :(

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. Whatever it is, it will be very small and modest.
I was thinking something Doom related. One thought was getting iddqd in the doom font and font size 6 somewhere. Maybe with the Skulltag logo.

Wait on getting a tattoo for at least 6 months. If you still want it in 6 months then get it.

[LordSappington]

Yeah, that's a good idea. I'm on the line about tattoos; I like them, but I want to be damn sure I'll like the tattoo. I can wait on it.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Definitely make sure its something you're going to be able to live with. You can also have them do a trace of it on you usually. That way you can see if you like it for a few days. So you can check out the placement/size too.

I don't see the point of getting tattooes on a whim.

For my next one I'm getting
http://site.moviemugs.com/007logostencil.jpg

[MarioRPG]

10kvg, that is badass and I totally support that as a tattoo. I don't think I'll ever get a tat, but that is one of my top 5 choices if i did.
2 other candidates on my top 5 list: cactuar, Canada flag / maple leaf.
e: regarding fattie acceptance, it's prob because something like 37% of the US is obese. Also i like to think no one is ever happy with their bodies.
also fatties on scooters is rediculous. fuck yall i'm carrying 40 pounds of text books on my back, i'm not moving completely off the sidewalk no matter how much you 'honk'

[Shyandquietguy]

HOORAY!!

[Grislygus]

I never buy the shit about obesity, 37 percent of americans are just FAT. no matter what any healthcare professional says, obese means that you look like a pasty version of a black actor's fatsuit. Obese means that you are too fat for a seatbelt.

Fat is when you look down in the shower and can't see your dick. REALLY fat is when you can't see your dick even after sucking in your gut. "Obese" is only accurate when your name is Kevin Smith

[Chojin]

obese is a clinical term that describes people with a certain % of bodyfat (>25% for men, higher for women). it is really not difficult to get that fat.

what you're describing is morbid obesity.

[Otto]

dear fatties of the world: losing a lot of weight in one or two weeks doesn't mean anything. it's likely from a highly variable source like water and will return by the end of the month. also prz stop being so obsessed with weight because your body contains many more things than fat which you can gain or lose. the 10 pounds was probably your liver and kidneys escaping and leaving with all their luggage. get caliper'd or try on tighter clothes and then see how it goes, and you can stop lying to yourself.

i was going to continue this post with a discussion of PSMFs/low-carb diets and Clen, but then I remembered that I'm the only person here who actually knows anything slash cares slash fuck you

i might be extra aggressive from my trip to the gym in retrospect

I honestly didn't notice my change in weight until I tried on a pair of jeans, that I had put in the back of the closet because they were a couple of sizes too small, while getting rid of clothes I didn't want anymore. All of the pairs that were previously too small fit pretty well and all of my regular pants fit a lot better. I might have been exaggerating a bit when I said in two weeks, as I have been on a different medication (lurasidone) for about two months and my doctor said that it might help curb my appetite. There's also the fact that I've been so unmotivated to do anything, including eating full size meals and more than around once a day. Frankly, it's just awesome to wear a belt-buckle and people be able to see it, since it's not obscured by a paunch.

[Otto]

Also since instead of just hitching a ride everywhere in place of walking across town to get places I've been getting something resembling exercise.
:pagebrak

[Chojin]

if you aren't doing anaerobic exercise at all, your fat loss will quickly become muscle loss as you approach the threshold of obesity. do yourself a favor and download "convict conditioning" or something and do it in your copious spare time. no equipment needed except maybe a doorframe chinup bar.

[Otto]

Thanx for the advice! I'm also trying to keep from sleeping all day due to my insomnia by finding shit to do when I'm not in class or working, so I'm probably going to renew my Y membership that hasn't had its fees paid in the years since I ballooned from about 140 pounds to around 220.

Before I got too mopey and "NOBODIE LUBS MEEEEEE!" Livejournal depressed to do anything I used to swim for hours on end, it's really depressing to realize that I've completely lost any muscle tone that I may have had.

[Zhukov]

Tattoo options - Gerd Antz stylee, or some massive back covering hammer and sickle. Am I happy with my body, however? Yes.

[Otto]

Zhukov: Both of those sound awesome, but I really like the Antz one.

Question for Chojin: Considering I'll probably never develop any kind of real muscle tone, but will probably get some coupled with continued weight loss, should I be worried about warping/deforming my tattoos? They're on either arm and there's one on my lower leg.

[WhiteRat]

I love coming home from work and checking my webcam to see that my crank smoking roommate was rifling through my closet, likely for shit to sell. Fun!

[Zhukov]

What are you going to do about it?

[WhiteRat]

What are you going to do about it?

The last time I caught him I confronted him which ended up in a shouting match and him storming off. This time will likely be the same. I'm in a rough spot and can't afford to move out otherwise I would've done that months ago.

What really sucks is that he's one of my closest friends that i've known for the last 11 years. :(

[Grislygus]

put locks on all your shit

[Grislygus]

then he'll steal your computer instead

[WhiteRat]

put locks on all your shit

Yeah I think i'm going to have to resort to this for the time being. I've noticed a few DVDs and a few 360 games missing here or there but he just claims that they are in his filthy room somewhere. Seriously I really need to post pics of his DISGUSTINGLY FILTHY GARBAGE ROOM here sometime. You really can't find anything in there it is so terribly filthy. I haven't seen the carpet since a few months after we moved into our apt. which was back in Feb 2010. Also sometimes change goes missing (I bartend and have a lot of quarters). Like I said though he's a very close friend and although I want to just cut of all ties to him I feel compelled to try to help him because he has one hell of a drug problem.

[Chojin]

Question for Chojin: Considering I'll probably never develop any kind of real muscle tone, but will probably get some coupled with continued weight loss, should I be worried about warping/deforming my tattoos? They're on either arm and there's one on my lower leg.

depends, how fat are you now? for the most part i'd assume the tattoos would get more concentrated in color, like drawing something on a balloon and then deflating it

[Grislygus]

THE ESOTERIC ORDER OF THE BEARDED ONE CONTINUES TO SCHEME FOUL PLOTS AND SUMMON ELDRITCH HORROS FROM BEYOND THE GATES OF TIME

[kahljorn]

Yeah I think i'm going to have to resort to this for the time being. I've noticed a few DVDs and a few 360 games missing here or there but he just claims that they are in his filthy room somewhere. Seriously I really need to post pics of his DISGUSTINGLY FILTHY GARBAGE ROOM here sometime.Can you maybe get him evicted for this? or for stealing? or drug use. dunno if you do drugs though.
sometimes criminal activity is grounds for immediate eviction. especially drugs.

dunno what the laws are like wherever you live though. or if you can afford to evict him. I just assume if he's stealing shit from you he's not paying rent. :lol

[Zhukov]

Locked myself out of my new flat today, so I'm spending the night over at my mum's. I feel like such a useless and moronic twat.

[Guitar Woman]

Oh god what the fuck, guys, my laptop screen flipped sideways last night.

As in, the monitor is displaying sideways.

If I sit up straight to type this it's like Matrix raining code.

What the fuck.

[executioneer]

have you tried alt+ctrl+ arrowkeys to see if that changes the orientation, sometimes that's how that happens

edit: if not, what model laptop you got, it may be a different shortcut

[Guitar Woman]

Thanks, willie, that fixed it. I must have rolled over the keyboard while I was sleeping or something.

What the fuck, though, I didn't even know that was a thing you could do. I'm going to try browsing upside down more often.

[executioneer]

yeah I don't know why that's available on laptops, it's pretty neat on a desktop with a monitor that can change orientation so you can read webpages longways

[Grislygus]

Locked myself out of my new flat today, so I'm spending the night over at my mum's. I feel like such a useless and moronic twat.

When I was renting a guest house in Oregon, I did the same thing. I sort of inchwormed up nine feet to this tiny sliding bathroom window by keeping my back to the chimney of the main house while keeping my feet on the guesthouse wall. Kicked in the window, pushed my feet through and twisted so that the rest of me could follow

I was all mission impossible an shit

[kahljorn]

this one drunk lady locked herself out of her car during the summer in a town where theres 110 degree weather

she tried to get into her house through the chimney

she got stuck in the chimney and died.

[Otto]

this one drunk lady locked herself out of her car during the summer in a town where theres 110 degree weather

she tried to get into her house through the chimney

she got stuck in the chimney and died.

AND THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT THERE WAS NO SANTA CLAUS

[kahljorn]

i mean house not car lol

[Chojin]

willie that was really irritating, don't make me have to correct admin abuse of the rep system again

[Otto]

I liked it more before you corrected it! "Well shit! I done locked myself out mah car, best go home. Oops, door's locked, too! Well, ah kin jest go down the chimney!" and that's what happens when you don't go to school, kids. Or maybe that happens when you're retarded. Either one works.

[Fathom Zero]

rep is srs bsnss